OpenGL Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Any man honestly consider this? I don't want want to get married until at least another 3-4 years, but I'd honestly end up giving this a lot of consideration if I didn't have so many friends and family. I just wouldn't be able to live with the reputation of having to get a mail order bride, it would be worst than the reputation of being alone. I'm a man's man but I don't have the balls to pull something like that off. It's really too bad I wish there wasn't so much of a stigma against it or a lot more guys would do it.
allina Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Any man honestly consider this? I don't want want to get married until at least another 3-4 years, but I'd honestly end up giving this a lot of consideration if I didn't have so many friends and family. I just wouldn't be able to live with the reputation of having to get a mail order bride, it would be worst than the reputation of being alone. I'm a man's man but I don't have the balls to pull something like that off. It's really too bad I wish there wasn't so much of a stigma against it or a lot more guys would do it. What do you find attractive about the option? If you want to get married why do you feel that you can't find a bride through your many friends and family?
Author OpenGL Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 What do you find attractive about the option? Oh I don't know, the fact that it's possible? Finding a suitable (not obese, no kids) American woman has who is also interested in me has not been possible. I'm going to conclude that I am not up to the standards of American women so I have to look elsewhere. If you want to get married why do you feel that you can't find a bride through your many friends and family? My friends don't care and my family doesn't know anyone under 45 years old.
allina Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Oh I don't know, the fact that it's possible? Finding a suitable (not obese, no kids) American woman has who is also interested in me has not been possible. I'm going to conclude that I am not up to the standards of American women so I have to look elsewhere. Aren't you the one who believes this because you're short? I hope you change your mind one day. What a waste, an intelligent, attractive guy going to waste due to his own paranoia If you're sure you won't change your mind maybe you should look in to an arranged marriage or mail order bride. If your friends don't care anyways then they shouldn't stop you. You can always tell people you met her when she was an exchange student here or vacationing.
MrNate Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Well hey , if you decide to get one, get a Brazilian one if possible. Their women have the most beautiful skin tones/ bodies ever.
Author OpenGL Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 Aren't you the one who believes this because you're short? I hope you change your mind one day. What a waste, an intelligent, attractive guy going to waste due to his own paranoia Well, yeah, its more than that, more of a general attractiveness issue. If you're sure you won't change your mind maybe you should look in to an arranged marriage or mail order bride. If your friends don't care anyways then they shouldn't stop you. You can always tell people you met her when she was an exchange student here or vacationing. Arranged marriage? No such thing as an American. My friends don't care to set me up (I'm assuming they don't know anyone who would date me but honestly they don't really setup anyone), but they will care and never let me live down the fact that I got a mail order bridge. I will hear it non-stop for the rest of my life. Not worth it. And no, they wouldn't buy I met an exchange student. My friends aren't stupid.
Kaplan Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 If you think you'll have better luck with a foreign woman, you should just travel to a foreign country. And if you think height is an issue, then you should go to China. All the women there will think you're tall.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Any man honestly consider this? I don't want want to get married until at least another 3-4 years, but I'd honestly end up giving this a lot of consideration if I didn't have so many friends and family. I just wouldn't be able to live with the reputation of having to get a mail order bride, it would be worst than the reputation of being alone. I'm a man's man but I don't have the balls to pull something like that off. It's really too bad I wish there wasn't so much of a stigma against it or a lot more guys would do it. Have you ever actually watched any of those documentary's on the subject? Honestly do you really think shes going to stay with you one day past the immigration requirements?
alphamale Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Any man honestly consider this? whats wrong w/ having UPS deliver a chick to your door?
Woggle Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I understand why some men want to go that route but don't. Just get away from the meat market type of enviroments and there are many more good women to pick from.
Author OpenGL Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 Just get away from the meat market type of enviroments and there are many more good women to pick from. The problem is the attraction has to be mutual.
Rorschach Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I'm glad my reason for feeling unattractive is my weight, at least I can do something about that. I don't know what I'd do if I found myself unattractive due to some uncontrollable feature.
Stockalone Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Any man honestly consider this? No. I also haven't considered using a prostitute, even though that is not illegal where I live. In my opinion, it defies the whole purpose. Even if you fall in love with a mail order bride, wouldn't you be worried, never knowing if she likes you for who you are or if, in the end, you are nothing more than a business deal?
carhill Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 OP, if you're serious, learn some Russian/Ukrainian, take a little of that six-figure salary you earn and go to the FSU/CIS for a month, rent an apartment and immerse yourself. Or, if you like Asians, Mandarin/Japanese, and same. It's not 'mail order', it's 'meeting people'. When I've traveled to other countries, it's normal to get noticed, especially if westerners/Americans are rarely seen and/or heard. Women are women everywhere and they like something 'different'. Be realistic and you'll find yourself having a great time. You still need self-confidence. Make sure that's in place. It will be tested. Good luck
phineas Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Have you ever actually watched any of those documentary's on the subject? Honestly do you really think shes going to stay with you one day past the immigration requirements? I practically skipped out of the lawyers office after signing d-papers. The joy & happiness I felt... well mail order brides would be the way to feel that over & over again. LOL!
Eeyore79 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I too have seen documentaries about mail order brides. Some women go to these meet-ups to meet men who will become their "internet boyfriend", who will chat to them online and hopefully send them gifts, in return for promises to marry them one day. They may have several such boyfriends at one time. Other women just want to meet guys who will take them out on the spot and buy them things, in return for the promise of a relationship which never materialises. None of these women have any intention of leaving their country, they just want as many freebies as possible. Of those women who do genuinely want to marry and leave their country, most want a foreign man for either his passport or his money. They marry the guy, get the green card and dump him... if they stay with him, they stay because he is the breadwinner and she has a cushy life as a kept woman. It's rare to find a mail order bride who genuinely loves her husband and intends to stay with him.
phineas Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 anyone notice almost every mail order bride claims to be a teacher?
SpanksTheMonkey Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 anyone notice almost every mail order bride claims to be a teacher? Ive also seen a few nurse ones how interesting both just happen to be skilled workers fields! lol.
tincanman99 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Dont do it. Have seen and heard way to many stories including a guy from one of my previous employers. These women dont care about you and as others have said they are either to get your money or a green card. Dont think for a second that once they are here they wont figure out what the deal is and how to use the system. Here is the story of the guy I knew from a previous employer. Nice guy but had poor relationship skills. Got himself a mail order Philipina. Regardless he brought here, got married the full deal. After she got her citizenship she started spending $ like a drunken sailor on leave. Than she started disappearing for hours during the day. One day he came home and she was gone. She had cleaned out the house, all the bank accounts and maxed out all the credit cards. For the finale she filed a restraining order against him for supposedly hitting her. He found her, they had a huge blow out fight and she had him arrested for violating the restraining order and said he hit her. They locked his butt up. Thousands in bail followed by having to deal with criminal charges. Eventually the charges were dismissed but it cost him THOUSANDS in lawyer fees. They ended up getting divorced and she took every single thing he owns and on top of this she got alimony because she had no skills other than milking him. Last we heard she was shacked up with some other guy. Dont do it. You will be sorry. You have been warned.
carhill Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 The 'younger' one I dated (prior to meeting stbx) who visited stbx and I is a lawyer and is published by the World Health Organization regarding the abuse of women. The other lady I dated while overseas (the great kisser) is a doctor and now lives with her American husband in Minnesota. MOB is a subset of inter-cultural relations and marriages. It gets press because it's sensational. Regular folks meeting, dating, falling in love, marrying and having families, less so. OP, if you're serious, I can put you in touch with some real people who have done it successfully and, in some cases, have marriages longer than my own was. Let me know.
Eeyore79 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I knew a guy who married a Chinese mail order bride. He said he knew it was a mistake as soon as they got married, because it was immediately so cold and the sex and kissing basically stopped once she had trapped him. As soon as she got her paperwork, she got a job in another city, telling him that she needed to work away temporarily because there were no suitable jobs to further her career in his city. As soon as her green card came through, she divorced him on the basis that her family needed her back in China. Several years later, she still hasn't returned to China as she said she was, and is shacked up with another guy. My neighbour married a Nigerian woman, and he has a similar story. He spent a fortune on her, flying out to see her, giving her gifts. He married her and immediately she cooled off towards him, then she divorced him as soon as she got her green card, and she brought her Nigerian boyfriend over to live with her. My neighbour now thinks she was dating this other guy the whole time, and the marriage was a ploy between the two of them to get her into the country, so she could subsequently get him into the country. There are millions of such stories; I only know of one mail order bride who stayed with the guy and had children, and she's from the Philippines. She already had kids from a previous relationship before she came here, so she was a bit more concerned about providing stability for her existing kids (maybe that's why she stayed with the guy).
bananarama1 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 i dont think you should do it , but it would also do u good if u lower ur expectations of women or people just a lil bit. mail order brides seem kinda like sad both for the guy and girl..hes being forced to do it cause hes afraid he cant get into a relationship and the girl needs it to probably leave her country or something.
bananarama1 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Dont do it. Have seen and heard way to many stories including a guy from one of my previous employers. These women dont care about you and as others have said they are either to get your money or a green card. Dont think for a second that once they are here they wont figure out what the deal is and how to use the system. Here is the story of the guy I knew from a previous employer. Nice guy but had poor relationship skills. Got himself a mail order Philipina. Regardless he brought here, got married the full deal. After she got her citizenship she started spending $ like a drunken sailor on leave. Than she started disappearing for hours during the day. One day he came home and she was gone. She had cleaned out the house, all the bank accounts and maxed out all the credit cards. For the finale she filed a restraining order against him for supposedly hitting her. He found her, they had a huge blow out fight and she had him arrested for violating the restraining order and said he hit her. They locked his butt up. Thousands in bail followed by having to deal with criminal charges. Eventually the charges were dismissed but it cost him THOUSANDS in lawyer fees. They ended up getting divorced and she took every single thing he owns and on top of this she got alimony because she had no skills other than milking him. Last we heard she was shacked up with some other guy. Dont do it. You will be sorry. You have been warned. ive heard a bunch of other stories too, and one time in cold case tv show in discovery channel a guy who married a russian mail order bride, she was poisoning his sandwhiches and drinks w/ mercury or some..pine-sol or antifreeze. and nobody knew why he was sick since he worked like in a coal mining place. so i tell my other guy friends to just dont get a mail order bride if in case they want to. btw i have been spending like a drunken sailor lately another question, im sure that the INS will investigate these marriages if they are legit or not? and u cant get citizenship unless u were married for 10 years or something. so its kinda useless for those women.
mem11363 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I will speak personally of my experience in Indonesia. The women there were very very friendly to me. And yes they radiated that vibe women do when they find you interesting as a potential mate. This is because whites are assumed to be rich and on a relative basis we ARE rich. As for attractiveness, one of my traveling companions who is overweight and not handsome said to me "in Jakarta any man with a good job - feels handsome" And finally as for height - the people there are shorter - so being 5'7" is more average. If you can find a way to "plug in" socially there, you could meet early twenties unmarried women who are neither hard prostitutes, nor soft prostitutes (which many mail order brides are) and maybe click with someone. In the high end hotel business many of the women are English fluent. This is NOT like a mail order bride scenario at all. This is going somewhere and being the exotic guy from far away. OP, if you're serious, learn some Russian/Ukrainian, take a little of that six-figure salary you earn and go to the FSU/CIS for a month, rent an apartment and immerse yourself. Or, if you like Asians, Mandarin/Japanese, and same. It's not 'mail order', it's 'meeting people'. When I've traveled to other countries, it's normal to get noticed, especially if westerners/Americans are rarely seen and/or heard. Women are women everywhere and they like something 'different'. Be realistic and you'll find yourself having a great time. You still need self-confidence. Make sure that's in place. It will be tested. Good luck
carhill Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Also, if you (OP) show a sincere interest in the local culture, learning customs, language and practices, along with a shared/expressed desire to perhaps live there long-term, the gold-digging opportunists scatter, leaving a more sincere subset of the female population to share with. IME, the women I met *did not* want to leave their country. They loved their country, just as, generally, we love ours. Just like us, they love their families, friends, and social circle. Going off to a strange place with unfamiliar customs, language and people and becoming dependent on one person is *not* easy. There are gems to be found, just like here at home. It's just as hard to find them. Up to you. IMO, the experience, whether fruitful or not, will help your self-confidence and perspective. Hope you give it a try
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