JustJoe Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I was talking to a friend yesterday, and he told me a very sad story about a brother officer and his wife and son. Apparently the wife was having an affair, and was caught in the act by her teenage son. She begged her own son not to tell his father, that it would never happen again, and he did not. The husband found out about the A from another source, and also found out that the son knew about it and didn't tell him(father). So now the H & W are divorcing, and the son is completely estranged from both, and living with friends. WHAT A F**KING SHAME!!!:(
PrettyinInk Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 that is horrible, you cannot blame a child for not wanting to get in the middle of that drama... what was he suppose to do? affairs are difficult, but don't take it out on the kids.
seibert253 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I have a buddy of mine in a simular situation His WW was having a EA with an old BF for about 7 months. All online and via text. WW left her email up one night and their 15yr old daughter went on the computer and BAM. She read one of the WW's and OM's steamy exchanges. Daughter goes to her youth pastor who tells her to say nothing to dad, but maybe confront mom and try to "convince" her to come clean to dad. Daughter wants to tell her dad, but listens to the counselor and says nothing. Mom is controling so D is afraid to confront her mom. She says nothing. 2 months later, WW goes on a "shopping trip" down to OM's city. Well, needless to say we all know what happened then. EA turned into PA. Buddy finally installs keylogger on the computer, gets email passwords, and, well, it all comes to light. Needless to say, D feels extreme guilt for not telling dad before her mom went on her "shopping trip". Feels she could have ended it prior to it becoming a PA. Maybe, maybe not. What I do know is D's counselor is a f#cking idiot.
seibert253 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 that is horrible, you cannot blame a child for not wanting to get in the middle of that drama... what was he suppose to do? affairs are difficult, but don't take it out on the kids. Character is doing what's right, no matter the circumstances or outcome. Dad feels W and son betrayed him, and I have to agree. But, not having a relationship with S is the wrong way to repair and forgive.
bentnotbroken Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 My children found out before I did. They were afraid of what I would do, but when they realized I knew something, they came clean. Mr. Messy blamed them for, get this, "not having his back". He told them they sold him out. They didn't' forget the things he said to me, about me and about them. Now he is wanting the relationship back that he threw away. I got them into counseling and there is slow but steady improvement.
seren Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Unknown to me or H, our son had come home from work and heard D Day and all it entailed. Our son walked in, came to me in the kitchen and I said that it was nothing to do with him, that me and H loved him and that H could do with a hug as he was in bits. Our lovely son went into his Dad hugged him and said, what you have done is wrong, but I still love you. I have never been so proud of my son. I just think that to expect children, no matter how old, to keep secrets from either parent is so very, very wrong. I hope the parents are both ashamed of themselves, the AP for expecting their child to hide their secret and the BS for not realizing that the child was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Our son and his dad have never spoken about it, my H said that it was at that point that he realized that I still had his back. Bloody affairs.
Author JustJoe Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 I guess because I'm an ex-OM, this really hit close to home. I know ALL of these people. The Husband is/was in my Battalion, and the wife , I've seen at numerous parties and get-togethers and events, as well as the son ( a really great kid, and good scholar). The OM is another Officer and HE and his wife are divorcing, plus he may be court-martialed. It's just a mess. The WS is on suicide-watch after ODing on booze and painkillers, the BH has received a compassionate transfer to another Fort. The son is left "with friends". Maybe he will have to go to a foster home. What a hideous thing to do to a kid.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 My dad cheated on my mom with one of my best friends' mom/my cheerleading coach. Not only does it kill u as a child..its embarrassing! that poor kid!
MizFit Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I kind of suspected my dad of having affairs as soon as I was old enough to comprehend such things. When I was 18 he put me into a situation that one of his OW had a few drinks and told me. A week later my maternal grandmother died...3 days later, the day my mother buried her mother, I broke down and told her dad was having an affair. She knew...she told me to keep it together or the next few days and then we'd talk. I told my brother about it after my mother and I had discussed things...he and I urged her for months to leave him, but she didn't. My dad and I healed our rift about 11 years ago when mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and he was there for her in a way that I had never witnessed with them or anyone. My brother is just starting to heal things with my dad, but I think it's more because he feels he should rather than he forgives him. When my husband cheated on me my mother was the one there fastest with moving boxes and a few friends to help me get out of the situation...dad wasn't far behind, but she was clear she would do anything in her power to help me be away from a man who would do something like that to me. I always thought it was so sad because she was so strong in helping me when I'd made the decision, but she never did it herself.
bentnotbroken Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I think most parents want what they perceive as best fore their children. It appears your mother thought staying was best for you and your brother when you were younger, but that leaving was best for you. She probably sees you as a more capable woman than she may have viewed herself. Maybe she realizes what damage it caused for her to stay and she wanted to help you break the cycle. Whatever the reason, it looks like she loves you to no end.
Author JustJoe Posted May 3, 2010 Author Posted May 3, 2010 A sort of Update. The father has come back and gotten his son, the WS is in the hospital, recovering from the OD, and the OM is resigning his commission, if they will let him.
Spark1111 Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 JustJoe, thanks for starting this thread. I am amazed how many people embark upon affairs and NEVER consider the damage it will do to children. Many people think it is ONLY harmful if the children find out, and as long as they don't find out, they are still a good parent. That may be true in some of the cases, where a parent is in an affair and can so compartmentalize the relationship, that they then go home and be the parent they always were. But that's rare. IMHO. Think of yourself during your own affair; how obsessed you were with your AP, how obssessed you were awaiting the next text, email, meeting. Now take that same mind-set and imagine the 24-hr a day task good parenting is. Impossible to be fully present as a parent when your thoughts are elsewhere all day. The kids are dealing with ghost Mom or ghost Dad, and they intuitively sense it. It is emotional abuse in the form of emotional abandonment. And that is very, very destructive over time.
Cinnamon2000 Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 A sort of Update. The father has come back and gotten his son, the WS is in the hospital, recovering from the OD, and the OM is resigning his commission, if they will let him. Is your W still getting married? How are you these day? Are you still seeing the OW or any women?
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