lullaby Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Hi all. I posted my story already but the situation is like this: my ex "broke up" with me on April 5th after having gone through some arguments and having discussions during our first holidays together. We've been a couple for 1 year and 2 months, practically living together. At first, he said he needed time, and then he decided to move his stuff from my place. I was totally destroyed so I wrote him a letter and sent it the following week. He said he received it and that we would meet again to talk things over if there was something to clarify or discuss. That was or last phone conversation, which was on April 13th. From then on, I decided to start the NC rule and 10 days later, on April 23th, he sent me a text saying that he had called me home and couldn't find me (I was out having dinner with a friend, it was a Friday night). In the text he also mentioned he wanted to THANK ME for the letter and hoped I'd be alright, but I already knew he had the letter, and I knew he had already seen it, I mean, it was OBVIOUS! Well, the following day I called him but he didn't answer, so I sent him a text and he then said that everything was ok and that he wanted to thank me for what I have written. But we never talked. From what I know him, I bet he got really mad thinking that I was out with some guy, he is really jealous, and probably thought I was moving on. Anyway, the point is that I know nothing from him since last Saturday (April 24th). At times I'm strong and feel like I can move on and don't need him, but on the other I feel a huge urge to call him and ask him to talk. I don't know, he is a really sensible guy, but like REALLY. Once, he even got mad at me for calling him "hey dude", instead of "sweet honey", you know what I mean. And he is in constant need for attention and care, so how do I know if he is not waiting for me to do sth? I know I sent a letter, and answered his text, and I even know that I gave many pieces of advice to other posters saying "don't sent anything, follow NC rule", but it's actually killing me! Besides, he is 22 and I'm 26, and I think this is all due to maturity. I'm afraid that if I wait it might be too late. Is it wrong if I call him just to meet for coffee at least? Besides, he still has some things at my place. What do you think? Have I acted in the wrong way so far??? Please help!
wingman2 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I have already written a long response but apparently somehow it didn't process so now I have to type the whole thing over again. Don't you just hate it when you have to retype something? Anyway... wow I'm just surprised everytime I read a post from you for how similar it sounds to my situation. I feel ya, I'm in that exact same situation now. The only difference is that my ex came running back to me telling me how much she misses me and has been thinking about me and wondering if I have been as well. You'd think I'd have the upper hand in my situation and the ball should be in my court right? Well remarkably I'm stuck in the exact same situation as you. Me and my ex talked last Friday, a week ago now and I haven't heard a thing from her since =( Things appeared to have been going so well. She was so eager to speak with me and then we talked, the conversation seemed to have been somewhat dull and awkward, and now all of the sudden I like don't exist! It's driving me just as insane as it's driving you. I think in my situation though, I feel like I need to do something about it so I'm just going to give it today and tomorrow I'm going to write her a short text message asking her what her intentions were of wanting to talk last week and what she had gotten out of it or hoped to have gotten out of it because what's bugging me the most is why she suddenly stopped showing interest and it's possible that she may have expected me to have directed the conversation but since she saw no effort on my part to try and reconcile with her she may just believe that I have no interest in trying to get with her and believes I have just moved on, or she may have felt that things didn't feel the same so she might just be giving up there too. So you see I really feel like I need to ask her what her intentions were last week. I just hope she's not over me yet, it has been 2 months so far. I have a lot of things I need to tell her and discuss with her but that's a whole other story that I'll explain in a later thread. As for your situation though. I think that since you were last to contact him, he should make the next move. It obviously seems to me that he's confused and doesn't know where he stands or what he should do next. I don't doubt he may be upset over thinking that you went out with some other guy and maybe perhaps he's just trying to get over that now until contacting you again. He may also have gotten even with you for not answering your phone and wants to decide himself when you two will talk. I'm not exactly sure what kind of advice to give because I'm in the same situation as you and my mind is boggling but I think considering he still has stuff over at your place that he'll eventually get to you unless he decides you can just keep the rest of his stuff. But I doubt he'll be waiting for you to do something considering you tried to contact him but he didn't answer. Like I said though think he's having thoughts, like one moment feels like calling you and the next moment he doesn't. I do believe he read the letter long before he called you but possibly just used that as an excuse. It's just like with my ex, when we broke up in our last conversation before we went into NC she had a lot of questions for me but then decided it didn't matter so she didn't ask them. Same thing can be happening with him, he may feel like there are things he wants to discuss and talk about but at the same time feels like it may not make a bit of difference. He might not know what he wants right now. These are just opinions though, only you know your ex and only you know your situation better than anyone on here. For instance the information provided in your letter to him and your text message could completely change the perspective of how someone see's your situation provided they know some of those details and can come up with more guesses as to why he may not be contacting you. I feel like I've said a lot more useful things in my last reply which didn't get processed but I say for now keep NC at least for this weekend and see if something comes up. Keep me informed and if by Monday he still hasn't responded maybe you could think of something that would be appropriate to say to him or we could think of something. I'm always willing to help anyone since breaking up can feel like hell but we're all in this together. Who knows perhaps by Monday you'll find it easier to stay in NC. Just keep yourself busy and hag out with some friends who you know are comforting. That'll help the time pass by. I understand the feeling it's driving me nuts too. Best of luck. Keep us informed.
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