Kaiza Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 To start off my girlfriend and I were together for 8 months before I left for college and listening to all the outside sources telling me college was the time to be alone and see what was out there I broke up with her to see what was out there cuz she was my first girlfriend. Along with minor other reasons but this was the main reason for the break. Fast forward 2 months I occasionally send her text messages and facebook messages of old inside jokes and were semi friends. She comes to my college for a weekend and invites me to a party a guy really hits on her and I get jealous. we talk about it and the next weekend she comes up and I tell her I still have feelings and I say we can try dating for the next two weeks and if its working we can go back to being together. The first weekend comes and I feel its already not going to work its her birthday and I tell her of all these doubts but really I want her to change my mind and she does. All the doubts came back as soon as she left. I end up breaking it off another time because of the distance. I notice she wasn't taking the break up well at all the first time because I was trying to be super nice and she was holding on so I lied about a few things. I told her that "some day I'll like someone as much as you do me and they'll crush me" and that I didn't see us getting back together. Enter Christmas break and we end up seeing each other than talking on the phone for 2 hours. I tell her that all of it was a lie and I could see us together and we eventually got back together. For two months it was working out as we were together but without the title.(I have no idea why I wanted this) Since we were never really that physical before me going to college we started trying new things and it excited me. but I talked about it too much and was too into it. Another guy also starts to hit on her an old crush who she never got to explore. I start to worry. Then comes the last weekend. I wanted to go to a winter formal with her but it was a "girls night" until I find out one of her friends was bringing a boyfriend. turns out all her friends hate me for what I did (Hurting her when I broke up with her) I tell her fine go to the formal just don't dance with the old crush who is starting to like her. she dances with him and tell me she doesn't know about us. Doesn't seem to give a **** about how I felt about it. said sorry later but I felt like she didn't mean it. the next week is her staying home from school sick because shes staying up late talking to me and talking to her mom and not knowing what to do. Thursday I tell her that if she has feelings for him that I can't shed another tear over this. she starts bawling and says she loves me. but its obvious she has feelings for him. enter saturday the day she needs space and while breaking up with me shes bawling and making out with me and asking me if I'm going to hate her.She also says that she really likes me. and she stops her self but she almost said she couldn't see her life without me but stops and says summer. She keeps saying she doesn't know if she ever can forgive me for what I did.(I also never did anything with another girl while I was away from her)She also complained about my insecurities and that I was making her feel dirty with the things we were doing. I also was bringing up the idea of having sex probably too much.She ends up saying our relationship was completely physical. All made her feel unchristian like. a tuesday two weeks later. When she thinks I'm in town and I told her 3 days ago I could maybe talk to her that day. she texts she got the shirt she bought me for valentines day and I ignore her for the better part of the day and she starts to continuously to call and I finally answer and shes bawling and super pissed. I see her that night and shes extremely cold and says she doesn't want to give me and false hope. She ends up kissing me that night as a sort of one last time.she also crys when saying what if I don't choose you. after 7 weeks of little to no contact. Shes in another relationship with the other guy and went to prom with him. I'm at 9 weeks of no contact now. Having a hard time giving up on her. Mostly because she broke down and said she loved me(we were just getting to that point. because I said I would never say it unless I meant it), took a week of extreme stress to decide to be done with me, went to a shrink after the second break up because she felt she didn't want to live. The guy she left me for is also notorious clingy after getting into a relationship,super enthusiastic(shes reserved), super girly/emotional ( he cried when the high school team lost the regional game, he doesn't play on the basketball team.)and the past two girlfriends have left him because he was more the girl in the relationship than he was. the one thing that I could see attractive about him to her is that hes really Christian when I was making her feel unchristian and hes not a bad looking guy although I've been told I look better.(when not asking) I'm the complete opposite of that. I'm reserved/not clingy/but still christian wanting to have sex. Alot of this sounds really immature especially about the parts of her feeling dirty and the back and forth. -Cliffs- broke up with girlfriend twice while wanting to see what was out there at college back together for 2 months. new guy hits on her. her friends hate me. Says she can't forgive me for what I did in the past. breaks up with me and is in a relationship with the new guy. -------- I feel like **** and that I didn't mean anything to her and that she couldn't possibly love me if she would rather him over me. I feel like its harder for me to forgive her for dumping me for someone else than for her to forgive me for dumping her for no one twice when I didn't think it was going to work. Do I just forget everything and say **** it? Why do I want her to see that I am better than him? I don't want to be the only one to want to come back to our relationship. So I just move on huh?
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