just_because Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 This is my first time on the site and the first time on any site like this. For years my wife has read these type of sites in an attempt to "better or relationship" or so I thought. Recently I had discovered that she was carrying on a deep friendship with a man she met on on of these sites. Needless to say I was crushed. Although she said they never met or even talked on the phone there were hundreds of texts back and forth all day every day. In the time these texts got very heavy back and forth is when our marriage really started to suffer. I only found out of the texts after being unable to ignore many red flags anymore so I checked her phone records. I've never snooped in the past but I couldn't ignore anymore. Even after confronting her with the truth she continued to lie about who it was. Denying it was a man. I had to call the number to find out the truth. We have had much conversation since this happened and has told me I could trust her and that he was just a friend she confided in because she felt unable to talk to me. She has told me she will make no more contact with him as well. I realize why she has felt why she can't talk to me. I realize a lot of things I've done wrong. I just wonder if I can ever get past this. I go back and forth with my feelings. I love her very much and want to put our relationship back together but I fear with a lack of trust from me things will fail. I would have never expected this and never would have thought she was capable of it and I just fear what else there could be.
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 From what I have read so far, it will take work, but it is fixable. If I were in your shoes I would be devastated, but at the same time I would realize that at least it did not escalate further. Trust can and will come back with time if the relationship improves and moves in the right direction. Couples counseling would be strongly recommended right about now. If she won't go (which is a huge red flag in itself), begin individual counseling and go from there...
Iconoclast Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Even after confronting her with the truth she continued to lie about who it was. Denying it was a man. I had to call the number to find out the truth. ... and has told me I could trust her and that he was just a friend she confided in because she felt unable to talk to me. . You have no reason to trust her, she had an EA and lied to you about it. It is her duty to EARN your trust and you must communicate that to her. She is the cause of your pain, she must take ownership of that. and do everything she can to help you heal. If she does not, you have no reason to trust her.
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