ingridh Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 A bit of history first: I am nine years older than him. We were happily together for two years, and I gave him all I had, heart, soul and more. Then he cheated and dumped me for a much younger girl (15 years his jr.) he met on an online game (Warcraft?), said he was in love and going to marry her. We exchanged words and I went straight to NC. Ten weeks since, didn't hear a word from him. (But friends told me he had been very happy and planning to move to the girl's home country after the marriage.) I hated him (still do) and vowed to never forget and forgive for what h3ll he had put me through. Got an email for him today. Didn't say much except 'how's things' then asked me to remove his name from all our shared directories. I thought I was doing fine. I have been congratulating myself daily for getting better, in believing that I would get over him soon. Guess what? I was so very very very very wrong. With that short and cruel email, my slowly healing heart was broken to pieces all over again. I feel that I am back to day one when he told me he had never loved me, he had no feelings for me, that he would do whatever it would take to be with her, that he had finally found someone whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. His words were loud and clear and like tons of bricks they came down hard, so hard and sudden that now I am stunned, confused, and sad. Tears started to flow and I broke down crying uncontrollably. Now I hate myself. I can not believe I am still so much in love with him. My emotions are still controlled by him. Why have I let him do this to me again, and again. This feels worse than ten weeks ago. At this point I do not know what to do. Please kind and wise LSers, anyone, help this unbearable pain go away. Please.
sean1970 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 (edited) I feel for you, we all do... Take it from a guy that dated a girl (reason I found LS) 15 years younger, it is not the puppy dogs and rainbows you might think it to be... If I had to guess, he eMailed you to fish... Ring the bell and see if you would react. Don't. Dont give up what you have achieved in 10 weeks... dont give that to him. And remember who we are talking about here... A cheater. Remember what a cheater is really saying to us... -I don't respect you -I lack self control -I lack character -I'm a coward Would you have such a person even as a friend with that type of character? He is not worth your heartache sweetie... You keep your chin up, you keep posting, you keep healing, ok? Edited April 30, 2010 by sean1970
EmperorR Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 From my own experience If you can changing your email address If you can will do wonders. And continue doing your nc, ignore and move on.
mickleb Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 It may feel like it today, ingridh but I bet you're not actually back to square one. You need to use this as fuel for your fire. In your post you are concerned for your love for him but you're damned sure of your hate for him. Use this to push him out of your heart. Keep that angry fire strong in there, for a little longer, and send this guy (metaphorically) where he has taken you. I would imagine I had a light inside me - deep in my heart - that was comprised of all that was good about me. No one could ever take those things from me and that knowledge was powerful. That light became a furnace for any thoughts about him that entered my head. I would send them straight into that fire and it destroyed everything. A month or so after this process, I realised all the emotion was spent and I just regarded him as a bleatin' eegit and knew I had moved on. Anger can be very powerful. You have done very well to be so strong. No-one can take that strength from you unless you give them the power to do so. You control your heart. Not him. Today is a bad day but you're going to pick yourself up and carry on moving steadily towards a happier and stronger you. Okay? Take care. x
Bolts Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 (edited) mine was 16 years my jr... and i was in love... and SHE was i love... till her sister (who actully has never met me) finally convinced her that since she could never accept me into the family, then it would be best that my love left and that her sister would help find someone else... apparently my heart was actually replacable. Anyway... Warcraft... really... really??? People still play that? Date people who at least spend all their time engaging in human contact... and dont worry, nightelves make horrible wives. I got traded for a US marine... you got traded for a cartoon character whom he could NEVER actually know... its clearly an issue within himself, and it will come back to haunt him. It will hurt... I KNOW... i am going through it myself... hang in there... you really do deserve to be loved back... its him not you. Edited April 30, 2010 by Bolts
Author ingridh Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 Thanks to all for your comforting words. Thanks for being here. I have been walking around all day like a zombie. I feel as if someone very close to me had died. This is a huge knot in my stomach. My heart sinks every time I think of him, of them, happily together, My eyes well up for no reason. This is much harder to cope that I have thought. Where is the hate? Where is the anger? Where is my strength? Where was the 10 weeks of NC? I loathe him, but I still love him and miss him. So pathetic. So miserable. So unbearable. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!
sphx26 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I understand how you feel. I remember my bestfriend telling me that she was going on a strict NC rule with her ex bf when suddenly her ex bf texted her if she would like to meet his new girl. My bestfriend just had had it. So she broke down and cried while people around her are trying to console her and make her feel better. She just says that she just needs to cry one last time and that it is going to be the final one. In essence, she uses her anger on how her ex had been such an inconsiderate bastard by texting her like that. Since then, she has moved on, and maintained strict NC, after a few months, her ex wants her back but she wouldn't take his crap anymore. So there you go. It just takes some time,everybody feels better afterwards, just let time heal you, and yes, use your anger and how he treats you! You are not alone. We are all in this, so hang in there.
Recommended Posts