lily_dog Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 (edited) I'm 22 and just about finished up with uni. For the last 6 months I was in a pretty intense relationship, and this was the second time I've ever been in love. I didn't really know you could fall in love more than once in your life. I just want some opinions because its all very confusing and i don't understand the male psyche. Sorry it's long, but it's pretty easy to read in the last 4 weeks, things got rocky, we argued a far bit and feelings were a bit mixed and stuff. he wanted to keep going because he thought it could be fixed with work but i said that I'd rather break up than cheapen what we had. I really didn't want to break up but I felt like it was the right thing to do, to reflect and so on. So I spent a week reflecting trying to figure out what I had maybe been doing wrong. No contact of course. then a week later called up and told him that i still had feelings for him, we should meet up and talk. But he simply was not interested "hey you made it perfectly clear it wasn't a break, it was a break up, i just changed my opinion about the whole thing and moved on, i'm over you" and the next day he had a new girlfriend. He also seemed a bit upset and said something like "why didn't you tell me this last week?" which i thought was weird. It's just, could that be true? he was so cut a week earlier? Does he blame me for the breakup? did i bruise his ego and hurt him with a week of silence? When we broke up he was resistant to the idea, but wanted to stay friends, said i was a good person and that he could grab his stuff eventually, very civil. Anyway after my failed confession, I started seeing someone a few days later, and this person is a friend of my ex. To the friend my ex said "dude go for it i don't care about her any more" to me, i received...maybe 10 or so abusive emails saying that I was a terrible person playing with someone else's heart because i had told him I still had feelings for him so recently. Also saying i should suffer, I'm a liar, "i was bored of you and using you the last 3 months because you're so boring" stuff like that (mega mature). I've been good...answered really calmly to a few and ignored the rest. but since then I've basically been, ignored and deleted from all contact possible. he sends messages through people like "tell her i want my money back" which I'm ignoring at this stage. We share the same social club and friends so I'm annoyed he's being an ass and making it somewhat uncomfortable to see my friends, he also said "I'll make everyone there hate you" which he didn't do, but.....very immature. We hung out 4 days per week or more for 6 months, not just dates but just watching TV, playing games and hanging out. despite a few problems in the last few weeks i would have imagined it would be pretty hard to forget me and move on, even if the rebound was potentially planned, though i kinda doubt it. I suppose what i want is to be friends enough with him that my social group doesn't suffer, and so i could hang out with my new guy and him (after all they're friends) All in all it's been 4 weeks and i suppose. I just wonder, what is this guy thinking? is he just hurt? I don't really understand what he's done, he's very contradictory, but at the same time, he's very charming, and sounds so sure when he says things, but i have the feeling its just a really great poker-face. so what's going on here? and any tips as to what i can do? I'm pretty good at ignoring and being polite, what I've done so far. May run into the new couple tonight at a social event, first I've gone to in 4 weeks due to awkwardness... i'm just going to say hi and be nice even if I'm ignored. The new girl is nice and i don't think she knows anything about the emails or....him being so pissed at me and stuff, so nothing against her what should i do from here, some people in my social group said to send a really polite email? Advice please~ Edited April 30, 2010 by lily_dog
carhill Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Mature social groups deal with break-ups, divorces and deaths all the time. It's not a problem. IMO, if either of you was really 'in love', right now you'd be single and alone and working through the death of that love, not him with a new girl the next day and you with a new guy. Going through a divorce gives me a unique perspective on that dynamic. Perhaps 'true love' still awaits you. IMO, enjoy the accomplishment of finishing up uni, be alone and enjoy being single in your social group. Do not try to be his friend. Of course, upon random interaction, be cordial and *friendly*, like social manners dictate. For awhile, avoid unnecessary social interaction. These actions will help to ensure that you do not 'cheapen what you had', rather respect it and value it. Good luck
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