Artist Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 (edited) Been seeing someone about 6 weeks. Long distance. Sure has seemed interetsted. Please advise if this is just normal getting to know each other or if should walk away. Thanks! My tendency is to overlook things, give people the benefit of the doubt. Especially if I am attracted to them. I am not sure what happened here but am sure that after each encounter with this girl I have had red flags going off to which I have kind of said to myself 'lets wait and see.' When I saw her pics initially they were very seductive. I mean by that my friends who are not prudes all said 'wow she seems pretty seductive.' I am thinking well lets see as I don't want to judge her by her pic. We start talking. She wants to talk every day. When we talk at night she wants to talk for hours. It seems we are hitting it off well and she really likes me so we meet. I was surprised. I had dressed up, had told I was going to, we both drove 2 hours to meet, and I have chosen a nice restaurant. When she shows up she is wearing really torn up jeans, and a casual top. No makeup and hair pulled back. I am fine with all that but it just seems strange. Like something you would wear around the house. Right into the conversation she says, "Your hair is falling out" I am like "What?" She says "have you tried Rogan" I am thinking what the hell. My hairline is receding a little bit but I get compliments all the time on how nice my hair is and this just comes out of nowhere and feels like a slap across the face. So first date right? I am now feeling a little hurt but I figure 'oh well I guess she has just decided she is not attracted to me.' So we have a nice dinner and go for a walk and I am trying to offer a graceful exit for her as I figure she is not interested. I start walking her back to her car but she lingers. So we get in my truck, talk a bit and then she asks for a neck rub. I am thinking 'What the heck? Why would she ask for a neck rub?' I figure maybe I have read it all wrong. I give her a neck and back rub. During this time it really feels like she wants me to kiss her and I want to kiss her but I don't because we and previously agreed to go slow physically. She ends up staying till like 1 am when she has to drive 2 hours back and get up at 4 am for work. I leave the date confused. She calls me as I am driving back and we talk the whole two-hour drive back. Back home we are now communicating everyday, many times a day. It actually feels really intense to me. So we set up the weekend trip. Again when I get there she feels slightly defensive the whole time. The first day we are going for a hike and she wears a yoga suite so everything is skintight; she is attractive but I again am wondering why? We are going for a hike in the woods. So I am again getting a push pull feeling from her. We do have fun and there is a lot I like about her so I mark it all up to getting to know each other. Then I try to hold her hand. What struck me was not that she gave me a limp hand, or gently pulled it away, it just seemed to make her so angry. I can accept that holding hands means different things to different people but it feels like a push pull or a slap. "What are you doing trying to hold my hands? They are so small and ugly" Later when I tell her that she actually smiles and says yea I can do that to people. She says she is not sure we are on the same path or that she is ready to get emotional with anyone. At this point my alarms are going off. 'Why are you calling me everyday? Why am I driving 4 hours?' I am thinking ok maybe it is me. Maybe if I just back off. So I say goodbye and head home. A few hours later she is back with the texting. I have been thinking about this. It is not quite like we have only had two dates. We have been getting very close through hours of conversation on the phone. At this point I am very confused. I do not want to be investing hours of time a day with this person or making 4 hour drives to see her if she is telling me she knows we have no future. I like to date people there could be a future with especially if it going to be long distance. I text her and tell her it is fine if we are going slow and I am not looking for a commitment but would like to know if she is saying for some reason there is something about me that eliminates a future with her. If that is the case I say why are we talking? She responds she is sick and cannot respond right now. Later I wonder if I am asking for too much so I send a text saying sorry if I pushed you lets just get to know each other and see where things go. I hear nothing from her till the next night, which is a long time as we normally are contacting each other every hour or so. She basically says she only knows what she wants right now in this moment. Says she does not want to rush into relationship. She has enjoyed going out. Does not want to think about where things might go just enjoy the friendship now. I text back "Hey that is fine. I understand. You know my questions have not been unreasonable. I am sorry if you felt pressured. That was not my intention. I am interested in dating. If you want to get to know each other on that level that is fine and we will see what happens. If not I understand and wish you the best." She reply’s "Sounds reasonable n I'm glad you understand." I send her one more text asking how she is feeling physically which she replies’s to. No contact since last night. Again unusual as she usually texts me every morning. Even in that last exchange I feel she is being unclear. Is she is saying it is reasonable that we date or she is glad I understand we will not be talking any more. It is like the more I ask for clarity the more confusion that results. I feel very guarded now. Not sure if I should respond to her anymore. Thoughts? Edited April 30, 2010 by Artist
PrettyinInk Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 i cannot believe that you hung out with her again after she insulted you on the first date think about the qualities in a person that are important to you, does she meet any of them? sounds like a really confussing situation, i would cut my losses, unless you like a challenge!
carhill Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Not sure if I should respond to her anymore. Thoughts? She's an emotional vampire. The next victim will be along shortly and you'll be history anyway... Go....
Author Artist Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 Does it sound like she is interested in me or not?
Lucky555 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 NEXT! this girl is not interested. She probably is going along with it because she needs to have someone to "waste" time with till she finds someone better.
Author Artist Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 Maybe. But she is going to a lot of effort for someone who is not interested. Texting, emailing calling several times a day for 6 weeks. That is why it is confusing. If not interestsed I would expect to never or rarely hear from her not having her call me all the time wanting to talk for 4 hours.
ConfusedBunny Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I reckon you're going to get friend zoned. She's lonely and needs a friend.
carhill Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 If you want an armchair dx, I'd opine bi-polar. I've known a few vampires who are. That would explain many things in the OP. Regardless, as your uneasiness indicates, she's incompatible for a healthy romantic relationship. Accept that
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