jwi71 Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I can't discuss it with him, or with my family, so this is my last option. Why not? And what are YOU getting out of your M now? Is it happy? Are YOU satisfied with this new(?) status quo? Is this the life and M you want?
lilagirl Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Hi Edith, I know this is really hard on you. It seems that the more emails you intercept, the more *okay* you are with the relationship. You mentioned that you may want to make your marriage work. The only way this is going to happen is through discovery in the open. Your H will not leave her. They will continue this for a long long time. If you are okay with turning a blind eye, then that is up to you. Don`t let the posters here sway you to other ways. There is so much more to life though. DOn`t you want to hug your husband, without thinking of her... let alone be intimate. You want to enjoy your H as fully as you can. I just think that if your H knew that you knew... and you expressed how much it hurt you, and he is forced to make a choice... only then can you stay and work on your M. He needs to beg you to stay with him, and open his life, and his heart up to you again. Working on a M post A is allot of work Even if their A ends - which it is unlikely it will, unless there is a Dday on her end - he will not be emotionally connected to you. He needs to make that choice in a strong way. Confront him... if you don`t have the strength for that... make it obvious that you know... keep the emails up, make him squirm a bit.
Got it Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 edith - with all due respect what is shocking is you are seemingly much more comfortable being a bystander in your marriage, in your life, and watching this all unfold than taking control and confronting your husband. You will NEVER begin to get the answers to your questions and, more importantly, the impact on your life, until you make some actions. Why are you still watching this unfold like a soap opera. If you continue doing this, at some point all your questions will get answered, they will be in love, he will leave you, and you will have watched it unfold from the sidelines never stepping up to stop it. Stop being a passenger in your life. It is an awful thing that you are dealing with but atleast you are aware of it. Either reconcile it and be okay that your husband has stepped outside or stand up for youself and defend your needs. What are your needs in life? What do you want? And how are you going to make it happen?
carhill Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 OP, hug the kids and call the lawyer Monday morning. Face your fear. Your fear is the enemy. I hope you and your H can work things out. It's a process. Enforcing the boundary of fidelity to yourself and prioritization of your M over other relationships is the first step. Good luck
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