Could use every piece of ...

[XkMilan]

Hello

I'm happy I have found this board, because I would like to plea you for help. That is, If I still have chance after second break up. My exGF is 18, I'm 19, we've been together for 10 months and after that she broke up with me for me being "insecure, unmature and not responsible". Day after break up, she was back with her ex who'd she dated with for two years.

 

I was kinda desperate and needy. We both go to same class and we see each other day, so it was kinda hard for me. But I manned up, thoughened and tried to be mature, secure and responsible. She eventualy noticed and we started going out for coffes, movies and stuff. After two months of debating, talking and crying, because she didn't know if she wants to be with him or me, she choosed me.

It was 100% OK with me, I was at the peak of happiness. It lasted 2 months until now. She started to say she doesn't know if she wants to be with me or if she loves me...I told her that then breakup is the only choice. She started to cry and told me that she loves me and can't lose me. I told her, that then we won't break up and we were happy again. But 4 days later she came and told me that we're breaking up. She said that because I didn't changed at all, that we shouldn't go anywhere together, that we shouldn't talk too much and most important, that I can't give her what she wants, PERIOD and I should forget at her.

I told her that I'm sorry that thing didn't worked out between us and that I still love her, but if she sees situation as this, then she's right, then we must part. It took her only one day and she's back with that ex of hers. Again. She already broke up with him like 6x times, two times because of me. He is incredibly active, still planing trips and actions and that's what my ex sees as attractive on him. I am, on the other side , more confident and less needy than him. But she's with him now, again.

 

She completely ignores me at school. She's acting different, she changed her clothes, hairstyle and so on. Which I did too, right after breakup. Only way how she talks to me is in bitter tone. For example I start eating tomatoe in class and she starts like

"You're eating vegetables now?"

"Yes."

"But when I tried to make you eat vegetables, you didn't want to!"

"Well, I guess they taste me now. Don't know, didn't tried them for a while."

"Of course! NOW You're wise!"

It is that biter and mocking tone with that little laugh at the end that pisses me off. Just as when she broke up with me week ago, she puts on her Facebook profile status: "Drinking wine, listening to french music and sentimental memories, which are replaceb by new ones how life is beautiful " Every time I talked to her (two times since this break up) she was biter towards me and mocking me. She was so confident about everything she said, even though 3 days before break up she pleaed me to not leave her.

We had also little argument since then, about my birthday gift (she broke up with me on my birthday). She gave some minor gift before the main gift will come (she bought it via internet) and I left it at the class, because I was in so bad mood it didn't meant anything for me. Few days later she told and started like "I was right about you. All the time, now you just confirmed it. You don't appreaciate a thing I do for you, you do not value anything. It was a right choice to breakup with you and don't even try, you can't reverse my opinion on this, whatever you say." I tried to explain that I was kind of busy now and that I didn't had the time to take this gift home and I left it in my desk at class. I tried to explain that I valued everything she did for me and that no one else would do that. She still mocked me and laughed at me, that I don't have to try, that her opinion on is clear now. That really pissed me off, so I told her that yeah, maybe I'm right now insecure, unmature but that she's lying and faking all the time.

 

After that, we met after school and I apologized to her. She accepted it and said that this is the reason why we broke up. Not because she didn't like me anymore, but because I didn't valued things, I didn't made any plans for trips we could do together (because the weather here was ugly as hell, so I took her to cinema, theater, parties and stuff, but that wasn't enough for her). That are the reasons, she said. Then she said, that Is should better forget her, because she never gives me another chance (I don't believe this). That was the last time we spoke (only the part with vegetables came few days later) and I feel kinda bad. Mostly because she's again with her ex whom she said doesn't love and always broke up with him because he was boring (but he's so active about trips and actions that he attracts her) and I feel like my second chance won't come, because I want to proove I'm good enough for her.

 

She just acts as if there was definitive end between us, although she never wanted it to be like this when we broke up before. She wanted to hang out with me and I used the free time to be a better person and partner, which in the end made her decide for me.

This time, she doesn't even want to talk with me much. She said we won't hang out because we don't have anything to say to each other (WOW! After year in relationship). If I ask her out, she won't come.

Her cousin is one of my best friends and she likes me a lot more than her (my ex). She told me that she probably doesn't want to go out with me anywhere and talk to me because she has fear of falling into my arms again.

 

Also, I started to go out with my other classmate recently. She's my perfect friend with benefits, nothing more. But the moment my ex acknowledged we're going out together and we're in contact, she started to act different. She's now bitter towards me and when I and that girl came to class once, she gave her surprised (she literally drop her jaw) and then hateful look. My exgf lives in a dorm in this city and that girl too, on the same floor. When I gave my ex her stuff (she came from direction where that ex of her lives, noticed me, had a neutral face, then came to me and suddenly, out of nothing putted on a gigantic smile) she went to dorm and started to look for that friend of mine, asking people where she is. I and that cousin think that is because she's jealous at that friend of mine but I'm not sure.

 

Also, I think my ex is playing games on me (like putting on big smiles whenever I come, acting very happy and cheerful whenever I'm near - right after our break up!), but I'm not sure and I think she's trying to make me jealous and that she is jealous. Other than that, she's completely ignoring me. I don't know if she stills care of me or loves me or if I don't mean anything for her no. I don't know.

 

Everytime I ggreet them when I bump into them, she replies and he gaves me a grudge look.

 

But yesterday was worst. We had a school party and I was talking to her ex ex (yes, like that). We were talking a lot about it, when suddenly my ex came with him to the party by car to just pickup someone. Unfortunately, they saw me talking to his ex (let's call her S.) when they drove by, so I just remained at the place, I didn't wanted to meet them. However S. rushed to them, started hugging him and kissing him and telling him that he would be happy now just to mock them.

They were utterly surprised and my ex seemed not comfortable with this. Unfortunately, I slept with S. later that night, which my ex doesn't know.

 

I'm in a terrible situation, because even after all, I want my ex back

[ALombard]

You need to let go. It seems like your ex is just playing games. What I noticed in my past is that when ex's are willing to hang out still and talk it means they usually want to keep you on the side eventhough your ex seems like a complete sadist. You're only 19, you're really young and wasting your time on being hung up on a girl isn't worth. I'm 23 and I think I'm too young to waste my time being sad. Think about it, if you die tomorrow how will you want to be remembered? As the kid who was depressed all the time over his ex or as a kid who was always down for a good time, was there for his friends and family and who actually enjoyed life? I can also tell you this I was with my ex for over 4 years and we broke up and got back together more times then I can count, so I really only use the big 3, this one included. You can and will get through this if you really want to. If you're not willing to grow up and mature about a situation you have no control over nothing good will come out of this.

[XkMilan]

I know that she sounds like a sadist, but the break-up is even my fault. I was jealous sometimes and I wasn't active. I just want to try it for the last time with her but it's hard if she's ignoring me. I'm trying the No Contact and moving on and it is better after 3 weeks since break-up, but I really want to give it last chance.

[northstar1]

man, between the two of you, she's broken up 8 times. That is a clear sign she's fickle and doesn't know what she wants (and being 18, this is not shocking). If you get her back somehow, chances are she'll do the same thing again. I know you want what you can't have right now, but you are just asking for a rollercoaster ride if you go back for her.

[XkMilan]

She even admits this, that she doesn't know what she wants. She once told me that she has a "roles" and that she changes them alot deliberately and hates herself for that.

Also, in the peak of "I don't know what I want" mood she stated that she'll do and will want do anything that somebody tells her to.

 

I just want to give it one last chance. I love her, because I've never met anybody so unique like her. Even because of her issues in behavior.

[northstar1]

Well good luck then. You know what you are getting into then.