backto1haha Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Long post warning: Hey everyone just wanted to check back in here after a couple years. I went through a tough breakup in 2008 and talked about it here. My old username was backto1 Anyways, just wanted to stop in and let you all know that it's not as bad as it seems. I was a ****ing mess when I went through my last breakup. My posts are actually pretty embarrassing. I sounded like a freaked out dude sometimes and a happy go lucky weirdo others. Don't worry if it happens to you. Since the breakup, I've met some awesome, awesome girls. I feel bad thinking about that time of my life but I honestly don't regret losing her. I thought that losing her was the end of everything but it was actually the beginning. Since then, I've met some of the most amazing girls ever. One owned her own business, was well off (and sexy as hell), another was from a different country, most beautiful girl I've ever dated and real down to earth. Dated many others casually in the time and have had a lot of practice meeting new people, putting myself in awkward situations and learning to make new friends from scratch. Overall, I'm a completely different person. I'm not saying these things to brag or anything, but only to let you know that life goes on and you meet new (better) people. People who actually give a **** about you. It's a great feeling. The idea of new people probably feels like **** right now but please just have a little faith. Things get better. I also know that all these changes may not sound too great to you right after a breakup but trust me - it gets better. It gets a lot better. You will live as long as you don't shoot yourself. The older I get, the more I realize my parents' goofy sayings are correct. Like "time heals all wounds." I had always understood what the saying meant, but never REALLY understood it til I went through the breakup. Some of those first nights after the breakup were the worst of my life. I remember laying in that empty bed during the summer time, listening to the rain for freakin days on end. It was not good. But it got better after time. I spent a lot of time with the family and good people and moved on. After a while, it stopped bothering me. I don't remember exactly when it happened, but it did. I moved to a new city, hit the gym super hard, went through some "breakups" (these breakups make me lol now) and became a more well rounded person. I even talked to a girl from these very forums for a while. We just remained friends (which is smart considering the circumstances) but it was good to talk to someone. I encourage you all to send PMs of support to each other. You never know who you're helping on the other side of that screen. Oh I also started my own business and been at it for 2 years now! I go out about once a week, lift weights and run every day and feel positive all the time. I know this sounds like a brag post and I'm sorry but I'm just trying to help. Seriously, read my old posts and then read this one. You'll be shocked by how different I sound. The point of all this is to show you that things get better and you will eventually feel like a real person again. You'll have accomplishments and achievements and things to be proud of. One of the best things I read at these forums was "never turn an invitation down." I don't remember who said it but whoever said it just may have saved my life. Seriously.. when you're feeling like **** after a breakup, do not turn down any invitation, no matter how lame it sounds. If your friends want to go out, say yes. You don't have to drink and all that. Just get out of the house and talk to people. It actually helps. Move to a new, exciting city if you can. You're free now. It sucks to hear those words now but just have some faith in me. PS - I noticed a thread about facebook here. I started a facebook after we broke up so I could make all these old connections and it instantly made me feel bad for some reason. I deleted my facebook and never looked back. If I have people who care, I talk to them in person or on the phone. All facebook did was bring back bad memories. PPS - You won't dwell on things this much for this long. The only reason I'm bringing all these old memories up is for your benefit. I can handle thinking about all this **** again. You'll move on and forget about all this crap you're going through. Ask me any questions you want. I've been where you are and made it back in one piece. You can do the same.
EthanH Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 hi I'm really struggling. And yeah, I'm sure I will look back and think I was a weirdo, I have done some things I'm not proud of (calling one of her friends who i barely know, going over to her house in a drunken mess and demanding to speak to her, writing her a letter, telling everyone who knew me that they were wrong when they said it was over, then thinking I knew everything when we got back together for like 4 days)... I'm a total mess now, my parents are really worried about me, I have lost weight, quite drastically. And yet, I still, still, still, think there is a chance, no matter how crazy it seems. The reason for this was that she told me not to believe her when she says it was over for sure, she has told me she doesn't love me, only to tell me again a few days later that it was just her blocking out her feelings. It's such a mess. She has told me when we got back how she tried to cope with things, how she tries to push everything out of her head, and whenever it hits her that she misses me, she tried to 'man up' by hooking up with other guys. She acts like she is strong, but she is very needy for the attention. My question is, how did you get over that feeling that she was going to come back to you? I have had break-ups before, girls I did really like, but I didn't have things hit me in the way they have with my last ex...
ALombard Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Hey Ethan let me give you some advice. RUN RUN RUN away. I don't know the history of your relationship but I can tell you that I was where you're at one point in my life. Remember my ex and I have split up 2 times before this last one. The first was the worse for I stopped going to work, stopped eating, drank way too much, etc. I let myself go and couldn't even wrap my mind around a normal life. The situation now is different, she split with me again, is with another guy after 2 days and I could care less. It sounds like your ex is playing games just like mine did/does. When a girl leaves it is always over something you did, you can't let them make you believe that (unless you cheated or hit her). The thing that helped me out this time was I wrote down a list of the goods and bads in our relationship. What I didn't like about her and what I did. If you really give yourself time you will see that the con's usually outweight the pros. Example, I realized that even if my ex wanted back I would run for the hills because she has no real drive in life to do anything except party. Find your center man, dive head first into work, friends, school, whatever. Start working out, it really helps. I know you feel like you can barely do anything right now and I was the same way the first few days but you really need to think about yourself and analyze and break down your relationship to see why it didn't work. Letting go is hard but trust me I never thought a few months ago that I would be taking a recent break up this well. You'll meet new girls, you'll start having fun again, but only if you allow yourself to. Be selfish man, celebrate the fact that youre single. Look at it as if you just got realesed from prison. It sounds harsh to say but it helps to look at it that way. You're finally free to do all those things you could never do with your ex and believe me if you really think about there are things you couldnt do. Also, honestly look at why you miss her, is it her? the companionship? or the sex? I found out for me it was the sex and just being able to fall asleep with someone. So cheer up man because things do get easier. It's all about accepting the fact it's over.
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