ALombard Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Ok so this is basically an update from my last post that I wrote last night. After everything I said and asked in my last post for some reason today after work I decided to text her "good morning". NO RESPONSE. I go home and I go to bed seeing as my ambition to down a fifth of vodka before hand had subsided. I wake up five hours later and see that there is still no response from her. I text her again, she apologizes saying she had a lot of stuff to do before she headed to class today. So I go about my day and hang out with a girlfriend of mine to seek some much needed advice and basically just vent. After talking to her and bringing up the pro's and con's of my relationship I begin to realize that I have no reason to really stay hung up on my ex. I began to realize that her actions during the past 2 months (ie; not going to class or doing her homework, going out everyday of the week drinking, not working, and spending lots of money) are things that I find immature and unattractive. I begin to break down our past and all the things she has done to me and things I've done to her. I realize that when she would complain about me being distant and uncaring was actually me reacting to her not trying to grow up and focus on her life. I begin to realize that there is really nothing about the girl that keeps me attracted to her. I realize that I'm mainly missing the sex now ( i don't like to have to go out and try to get laid ). I start realizing all these things that are helping me get over her and then my ex texts me saying "I don't think we should talk anymore" I ask why and she says "Because my boyfriend is getting pissed and I dont want the drama" I reply, "you've only known him a month and have been dating for less then a week. You cant tell me you care about him that much" She says "I have to consider his feelings" So I say "Ok". A little later in the day I get a little drunk and text my ex that I am going miss the great sex we had and how I'm bummed we couldn't have one last **** and she just texts back "Hahaha" I tell her that after talking to my friend today and reading all the posts on this website that my mind and heart have started moving forward. She then calls me and says, "Listen I'm not trying to be a bitch, but we need to stop talking because we will never get over eachother if we don't. I still love a lot and I always will love you, I want to be friends but I can't right now because it will hurt to bad, I didn't lie about one day getting married but just right now we need space." I say "I agree, you call me when you're ready". Hang up the phone talk to my friend some more to clear my head and then go to the gym, work out, listen to good music and talk to another friend. After that last talk everything finally clicked into place, I don't want to be with her anymore and I haven't in a while but never really knew it. I was too blinded by my love for her to actually see that the reason I never made our relationship official again wasn't because I didn't want to commit but I didn't want to commit to her due to her lack of motivation in life and maturity. I FINALLY realized that I want a girl who doesn't have to go out every night to have fun, who WON'T drain me of my money, who ISN'T overly emotional at the wrong times, and who frankly is selfish when it comes to our sex life. I wish her the best, I really do, and I would be lying if I said that right now I still want to be with her because I do love her. But I'm not in love with the person she has become but the responsible, mature person she was when we met. So in closing I will say this, I am finally free I feel like. Free from the hurt and pain and anger. I still have a feeling of sorrow because I will miss her but that's it. And I do hope that one day we can get back together but that will only happen if she somehow matures and gets her life together. But I will not wait around, if I meet a new girl then I will be cautious enough to see if she has the qualities I'm looking for and if so then I will pursue it. I am actually going to listen to the advice on here and give myself time to heal properly and not jump into a relationship to feel better like she did. I'm happy, I'm content and I really owe it all to this website and a few good friends.
Ronni_W Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 What do you mean? Use paragraphs - right now it's just a wall of text that is hard on the eyes to look at, nevermind to read. You could try using the 'alert' button and, in the message, ask if a mod can please fix the formatting.
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