aerogurl87 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 My ex and I are attempting, once again, to be friends. So far it's been two days and things are going good. We text a little throughout the day, keeping the convo light for the most part. The only in depth thing we've spoken about was the potential that I may move in with my boyfriend in the future, which he didn't seem to enthused about. I told my boyfriend that he texted me and I wanted to be friends with him, but he was pretty much against it (not that I can completely blame him). But I still care about my ex and want to have him in my life as my friend. I know it's not right or whatever, but when he texts me and we start talking I can't really help myself. It's like things go back to being the way they were, and how they should've stayed, in the beginning before we screwed everything up with becoming friends. So I guess I'm wondering should I continue to try and make this friendship work. I mean, my ex is very aware that I have a boyfriend and I do not intend to leave or cheat on him. Plus my ex is going to be gone in two months anyway for military bootcamp, so I don't personally see the issue, but I'd like other opinions.
USMCHokie Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I sense that this is a disaster waiting to happen...and there doesn't seem to be any benefit to keeping your ex around as a friend while you're with your current boyfriend...both guys seem to despise the other's existence in your life...regardless of your intentions or feelings (or lack thereof) towards the ex...especially if you're in contact with your ex as much as you are (texting throughout the day...?)...talking once every couple months or once a year is one thing...but daily texts...? Remember, perception is reality...
Author aerogurl87 Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 Yes I guess so, well this is what has happened so far. But he'll be leaving in two months or so, so he'll probably be out of my life for awhile anyway once that happens. I like being with my boyfriend but at the same time I like having my ex as my friend. Maybe I'm suffering from "having my cake and eat it too" syndrome, but my life is happier with my ex in it. He gets me better than almost anyone I know, and he knows more about me than my boyfriend or most people for that matter, will probably ever know. My head is saying to kick him out of my life as you suggested USMC, but my heart is screaming otherwise.
sphx26 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I know it's not right or whatever, but when he texts me and we start talking I can't really help myself. It's like things go back to being the way they were, and how they should've stayed, in the beginning before we screwed everything up with becoming friends. Uh oh...I must agree, this is a disaster waiting to happen. Am I wrong to say that he still has feelings for you and just trying to mask it as "friends"? You are making it harder for your ex bf to move on, while he needs to because you already have someone else in your life. I would suggest making light to no contact. If it's NC, then even better, because it will give him time to completely heal and maybe really become your friend in the future, but not right after the break up. Just my two cents. So again,I repeat, if you care for him(I'm not saying you don't, ) it would be best to go NC for his sake more than yours.
D-Lish Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with someone that needs to have daily contact with their ex. I am surprised your bf puts up with it actually.
Woggle Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 It is obvious you still have feelings for your ex and this will not end well.
Citizen Erased Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 You know it bothers your bf, that doesn't seem to matter. Your ex knows more about you because you have him in your life instead of giving your bf the chance to be that person....yeah this will end well.
sally4sara Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Yes I guess so, well this is what has happened so far. But he'll be leaving in two months or so, so he'll probably be out of my life for awhile anyway once that happens. I like being with my boyfriend but at the same time I like having my ex as my friend. Maybe I'm suffering from "having my cake and eat it too" syndrome, but my life is happier with my ex in it. He gets me better than almost anyone I know, and he knows more about me than my boyfriend or most people for that matter, will probably ever know. My head is saying to kick him out of my life as you suggested USMC, but my heart is screaming otherwise. Why risk effing up your new relationship for someone who is practically gone and you couldn't successfully date?
Author aerogurl87 Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 Sphx26 we were NC for almost 6 months. Then again for about 2 months, then another month or so. He's the one that keeps thinking of me and contacting me, why, I can't figure it out though. D-Lish, my boyfriend really has no room to talk. He's best friends with his ex girlfriend, which doesn't bother me because I trust him. Woggle, yeah I care about him still. I'm not in love with him, but I still care about his well being and such. I talked to my best friend about it today and she said she sees this as not ending well, but I've tried to get him out of my life completely. It just doesn't seem to be working well. And although I think he still cares about me, I highly doubt he wants to get back with me. I asked him if he could just be friends with me now since he told me, and my best friend, in the past that he couldn't just be friends with me. But he said yes, so I was going to just try and see if it could work.
Author aerogurl87 Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 Why risk effing up your new relationship for someone who is practically gone and you couldn't successfully date? I don't want to date him EVER again. I just like having him as a friend. And in my opening post I meant to say we screwed everything up by becoming more than friends. Sorry.
Els Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I'm personally still friends with both of my exes - one I talk with once in a very blue moon, one I'm in regular contact with because we both belong to the same group of mutual friends. I really don't see anything wrong with that. However, if it bothers your bf that much, you might want to reconsider it.
You Go Girl Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Sounds like the wounds are still healing. I'd keep him as a friend, but back off this every few hours texting thing. It sounds as if you could form a dependency on him again very easily. Are you sure he isn't thinking there might be one more sexual encounter before boot camp?
DustySaltus Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 The only in depth thing we've spoken about was the potential that I may move in with my boyfriend in the future, which he didn't seem to enthused about. If he says this, you're not ready to be friends. He should respond with either indifference or happiness if he was ready to be your friend. You know that he still cares about you on a much deeper level. I told my boyfriend that he texted me and I wanted to be friends with him, but he was pretty much against it (not that I can completely blame him). But I still care about my ex and want to have him in my life as my friend. As Hokie said, this is a disaster waiting to happen. You're going to wind up pissing two people off here. You and your ex are not at the point of being friends and I can see where your current BF is coming from. He's not naive and i'm sure on some level he's a little worried. I think you need to reassure him where your loyalties lie at the moment and put the friendship with the ex on hold indefinetly.
Ilovecake Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 (edited) My ex and I are attempting, once again, to be friends. So far it's been two days and things are going good. We text a little throughout the day, keeping the convo light for the most part. The only in depth thing we've spoken about was the potential that I may move in with my boyfriend in the future, which he didn't seem to enthused about. I told my boyfriend that he texted me and I wanted to be friends with him, but he was pretty much against it (not that I can completely blame him). But I still care about my ex and want to have him in my life as my friend. I know it's not right or whatever, but when he texts me and we start talking I can't really help myself. It's like things go back to being the way they were, and how they should've stayed, in the beginning before we screwed everything up with becoming friends. So I guess I'm wondering should I continue to try and make this friendship work. I mean, my ex is very aware that I have a boyfriend and I do not intend to leave or cheat on him. Plus my ex is going to be gone in two months anyway for military bootcamp, so I don't personally see the issue, but I'd like other opinions. If I were your current boyfriend I would dump you faster than you can say selfish. What a terrible thing to do. Not only are you forcing a completely inorganic friendship with your ex but you're hurting people who care about you in the process. Yuck! Edited April 30, 2010 by Ilovecake
Author aerogurl87 Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 (edited) Well I thought about everything this morning, and I've decided to cut my ex out of my life. I highly value my relationship with my boyfriend who treats me infinitely far better than my ex did. And the more I go back in my mind and think of all the horrible things our relationship entailed (and not just the good stuff) the less I want him in my life anyway. But thanks for all of your opinions, I guess I just needed a good mental slap right now. EDIT: I guess ya'll are right though, I think he does want me back, why I will never know. When we broke up he told me he'd come back for me someday, and I guess in his mind that's still going to happen. But whatever, I guess I need to put an end to all of this for his sake and my sanity. Edited April 30, 2010 by aerogurl87
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