OpenGL Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Excellent article about the effects of online dating on women and the false reality they fall victim to. http://open.salon.com/blog/big_fat_trauma_queen/2010/01/24/online_dating_turned_me_into_a_shallow_superficial_jerk This blog is so well written and accurate it's hard to believe it was written by a woman Honestly if I were a woman I'd be very skeptical and might think it was a man posing as a woman. Too bad, like most women, this one also didn't "wake up" until her late 40's. Pretty much explains why guys like me in their 20s get thoroughly ignored.
PrettyinInk Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 this can easily be applied to either sex men don't exactly chase after the average looking girls!
Woggle Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Better late than never to wake up. I like women like her who actually look at dating problems from both angles instead of placing all the blame on men and calling us pigs. I wish there were more of her. She is right about the fact that if most women would truly look around them they would see that many good men do exist.
Author OpenGL Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 this can easily be applied to either sex men don't exactly chase after the average looking girls! You're right, most men online don't chase after the average looking girl... ...because they have no chance with them. Guys actually lower their standards online and if you done any research on the statistics you'd find that men reply to emails more often than women by a factor of 10:1, at least. This is solely a woman phenomena. This is really an excellent blog post. It's like when someone finally realizes they are an alcoholic and decides they need to change. My mom always bugs me to try online dating and I repeatedly tell her it doesn't work, I'm going to forward this post to her and my dad so they'll finally wake up to the reality of online dating.
Author OpenGL Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 Better late than never to wake up. I like women like her who actually look at dating problems from both angles instead of placing all the blame on men and calling us pigs. I wish there were more of her. She is right about the fact that if most women would truly look around them they would see that many good men do exist. Yup, good men are all over the place, we have been saying this all along. She now realizes the problem is that she (and other women) think that average guys don't count
Woggle Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Online dating is pretty much a ripoff and a waste of time. The best way for either gender to meet a mate is to get away from the meat markets and pursue hobbies and vantures outside of dating. You are bound to meet some quality people of the opposite sex that way.
Els Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 If you were actually open to just TALKING to women online from other sources instead of dating websites, you would actually find that it's a decent way to obtain contacts. I know plenty of couples who hooked up online through games, forums, and chatrooms, and the guy is in no way a casanova. But of course the ol' 'be friends with her and just see how it goes' method is too ancient and unprofitable, eh? Why spend a month getting to know a woman when you could possibly immediately arrange a 'date' without getting to know her much... and maybe even score?
Woggle Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Yup, good men are all over the place, we have been saying this all along. She now realizes the problem is that she (and other women) think that average guys don't count Average to ugly guys that treat women like toys do count. I have seen it happen. I know the biggest losers and scumbags ever that always have women swarming around them. I have come to the conclusion that some women really are masochists and enjoy drama. You even hear some women complaining that they too content or comfortable when in reality that is my life right now and I love it.
PJKino Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 So shes too old now to get these hot Men and is now willing to settle for guys she once ignored? Sounds like a catch
Woggle Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 So shes too old now to get these hot Men and is now willing to settle for guys she once ignored? Sounds like a catch I bet she is a looker as well.
AD1980 Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 I blame Men for some of this,guys nowadays hit on anything that breathes even your average women gets hit on numerous times a week by numerous Dbags and the women has heard it all by now from Men and gotten an inflated ego So once you here all these pick up attempts by guys and havign your ass kissed by numerous guys even for the average girls the only thing thats gonna make a guy stand out nowadays is above average looks and or status
Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 this can easily be applied to either sex men don't exactly chase after the average looking girls! Being an attractive female is a LOT easier than being an attractive male. For a woman to make herself attractive, all she really needs to do is stay in shape and do her hair; not much else. A man has to do all that AND be charming, ambitious, financially successful, popular, exceptionally accomplished (relative to his peers) etc. Except for looking good, a woman doesn't have to be any of those things to find her attractive; they may be icing on the cake, but they're not the cake. If a woman can't climb that first hurdle, then she's basically saying "I won't take the time and energy to take care of myself, much less a relationship."
Els Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 (edited) Being an attractive female is a LOT easier than being an attractive male. For a woman to make herself attractive, all she really needs to do is stay in shape and do her hair; not much else. A man has to do all that AND be charming, ambitious, financially successful, popular, exceptionally accomplished (relative to his peers) etc. Except for looking good, a woman doesn't have to be any of those things to find her attractive; they may be icing on the cake, but they're not the cake. If a woman can't climb that first hurdle, then she's basically saying "I won't take the time and energy to take care of myself, much less a relationship." LOL. You evidently have no idea what it takes for a woman to truly look 'hot' - and trust me, it takes a significant financial investment unless you're REALLY blessed at birth. Take a female model and a male model - I'll bet the male model needs to put in less than 10% of the effort and money a female model does. Also, ambition and financial success are things that will benefit ourselves as well, so there is no loss in it being attractive to a mate. Know what I think is the saddest unequality of all? A male doctor and female doctor, both having put in the same amount of tears and sweat just to achieve success for themselves. But the male doctor is automatically 'hot stuff', whereas the female still has to put in extra effort into her appearance despite working the same 30 hour shifts as the guy does, to even look 'acceptable' by female standards. Also, I'm pretty sure if the woman wasn't charming, popular, and accomplished (at other things, though, namely flirting and giving out signs), she would seem less hot. Edited April 30, 2010 by Elswyth
Chicago_Guy Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 So shes too old now to get these hot Men and is now willing to settle for guys she once ignored? Sounds like a catch I was thinking the same thing. It's actually kind of hard to believe that the type of guys that she described in her post even bothered contacting her in the first place. Those types of guys are often the most sought after by women and generally don't seem to want women in their late 40s when they can get younger women, unless they simply assumed that she was very desperate and would sleep with them without having to exert much effort.
EricaH329 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 The dazzling men I had the pleasure of meeting sometimes did live up to their online ads - except for the part about wanting a long-term monogamous relationship. Over and over again, I was offered the opportunity to be a "tall, athletic and toned" man's **** buddy. Over and over again, I self-righteously declined. Did anyone else notice this? Or was it just me?
Chicago_Guy Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Excellent article about the effects of online dating on women and the false reality they fall victim to. http://open.salon.com/blog/big_fat_trauma_queen/2010/01/24/online_dating_turned_me_into_a_shallow_superficial_jerk This blog is so well written and accurate it's hard to believe it was written by a woman Honestly if I were a woman I'd be very skeptical and might think it was a man posing as a woman. Too bad, like most women, this one also didn't "wake up" until her late 40's. Pretty much explains why guys like me in their 20s get thoroughly ignored. If you stay in shape and become at least somewhat financially and/or professionally successful, your prospects can improve dramatically by the time you are in your 30s if you can remain positive and avoid becoming bitter. I am 34 and attract better women in their 20s now than I did when I was 25 for some reason. Women have this obsession with "confidence" and the older you get, the less you will care what other people think about you and the more "confident" you seem. When you are younger and don't know how you are supposed to behave around women, it can make you seem as though you are not confident when in reality you are really just inexperienced.
Woggle Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I was thinking the same thing. It's actually kind of hard to believe that the type of guys that she described in her post even bothered contacting her in the first place. Those types of guys are often the most sought after by women and generally don't seem to want women in their late 40s when they can get younger women, unless they simply assumed that she was very desperate and would sleep with them without having to exert much effort. It's not that men don't want women their age but when men hit 40 and all of a sudden women want him he knows what it is. Most men do not want to be settled for.
Stockalone Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 (edited) If you were actually open to just TALKING to women online from other sources instead of dating websites, you would actually find that it's a decent way to obtain contacts. I know plenty of couples who hooked up online through games, forums, and chatrooms, and the guy is in no way a casanova. But of course the ol' 'be friends with her and just see how it goes' method is too ancient and unprofitable, eh? Why spend a month getting to know a woman when you could possibly immediately arrange a 'date' without getting to know her much... and maybe even score? If it works out, I think it's a great way to meet. Being friends first and then falling in love sounds great. It's also good to make a friend. That said, IME it's also a huge risk. What if you start talking, not even thinking about a relationship. You just talk, days turn into weeks, weeks into months and you become friends. Then, you eventually think, "well, she is an amazing person and I really like her and it's a lot of fun talking to her. I'd really like to be more than friends". And then, she isn't interested. It's not only a huge blow to the ego (which can be overcome though), but it can make things awkward. Worst case scenario, the woman thinks you just pretended to be her friend to get into her pants. In that case, you lose someone you had a romantic interest in, which wouldn't be a big deal. We guys get used to that. But not only that, you also lose a friend. That is A LOT worse than being rejected by a woman you just met. Edited April 30, 2010 by Stockalone
phineas Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 YEP. The truth is most women will friendzone a guy if he doesn't act "like a man" & make a move on her.
phineas Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 It's not that men don't want women their age but when men hit 40 and all of a sudden women want him he knows what it is. Most men do not want to be settled for. True. However a man at 40 in good shape has his pick of the woman looking to settle. err wait.....
PrettyinInk Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Being an attractive female is a LOT easier than being an attractive male. For a woman to make herself attractive, all she really needs to do is stay in shape and do her hair; not much else. A man has to do all that AND be charming, ambitious, financially successful, popular, exceptionally accomplished (relative to his peers) etc. Except for looking good, a woman doesn't have to be any of those things to find her attractive; they may be icing on the cake, but they're not the cake. If a woman can't climb that first hurdle, then she's basically saying "I won't take the time and energy to take care of myself, much less a relationship." this is the silliest thing i have ever heard basically you just degrated your own sex by saying all men care about are looks where as women look deeper. which in a lot of cases i am sure is true, but sad and exactly the point i was trying to make. in any case, i am not trying to get into a battle of the sexes here, i was just pointed out that the article could have just as easily been written by a man as a woman, and can apply to meeting in real life, as well as on the internet.
espec10001 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 If you stay in shape and become at least somewhat financially and/or professionally successful, your prospects can improve dramatically by the time you are in your 30s if you can remain positive and avoid becoming bitter. I am 34 and attract better women in their 20s now than I did when I was 25 for some reason. Women have this obsession with "confidence" and the older you get, the less you will care what other people think about you and the more "confident" you seem. When you are younger and don't know how you are supposed to behave around women, it can make you seem as though you are not confident when in reality you are really just inexperienced. Ding ding ding! This guys got it!
somedude81 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 (edited) If you stay in shape and become at least somewhat financially and/or professionally successful, your prospects can improve dramatically by the time you are in your 30s if you can remain positive and avoid becoming bitter. I am 34 and attract better women in their 20s now than I did when I was 25 for some reason. Women have this obsession with "confidence" and the older you get, the less you will care what other people think about you and the more "confident" you seem. When you are younger and don't know how you are supposed to behave around women, it can make you seem as though you are not confident when in reality you are really just inexperienced. Ding ding ding! This guys got it! Hooray! So I only need to remain sexless for another 7 years then I can start attracting women. Maybe I can find a nice single mom and raise somebody else's children. On topic: Online dating is absolutely terrible for men. You basically turn yourself into a resume and can only hope that a woman spends more than 15 seconds looking at your profile. If you don't happen to be good looking, very successful, or tall, you don't have a chance. Edited April 30, 2010 by somedude81
Phantom9309 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Being an attractive female is a LOT easier than being an attractive male. For a woman to make herself attractive, all she really needs to do is stay in shape and do her hair; not much else. A man has to do all that AND be charming, ambitious, financially successful, popular, exceptionally accomplished (relative to his peers) etc. Except for looking good, a woman doesn't have to be any of those things to find her attractive; they may be icing on the cake, but they're not the cake. If a woman can't climb that first hurdle, then she's basically saying "I won't take the time and energy to take care of myself, much less a relationship." I'm not interested in women who are just beautiful. I look for women who command beauty. Probably needs a little more defining but I'm sure people can apply their own preferences to what I just said and we'd come up with definitions that pretty similar.
espec10001 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Hooray! So I only need to remain sexless for another 7 years then I can start attracting women. Maybe I can find a nice single mom and raise somebody else's children. On topic: Online dating is absolutely terrible for men. You basically turn yourself into a resume and can only hope that a woman spends more than 15 seconds looking at your profile. If you don't happen to be good looking, very successful, or tall, you don't have a chance. Absolutely you should. I am a firm believer that a man should not date or seek out mate/mates unless he has OPTIONS, and lots of them. Options for many men only come about later in life, AFTER they have achieved career/financial/other success. Every man has something he does not like about himself, something he wishes he could change, and he can! It is all within his power! I've been celibate for quite a long time now, and I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING. I have learned more about my abilities and believe in myself more and more everyday without any woman telling me otherwise. I simply don't care what they think of me. They might try and cut you down with name calling and saying you are this or you are that, but do they really know you? How can someone who doesn't truly know you or understand you judge you and tear you down? Only if you let them. I don't need verification of who I am from a woman or anyone else for that matter. Man defines himself and sets his limits and goals.
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