collegemommy Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 My ex and I broke up 25 days ago... The past 25 days have been a roller coaster of emotions. I love him, I hate him, want to be with him, want to punch him in the face... you get the point. Two days ago, I went to his parents house (I'm family to them and it's totally not awkward) with our daughter. My ex showed up for some reason. He walked in, smiled at me, said hello and asked how I was doing. I wasn't nearly as friendly. I answered the question but was short and probably a little cold. So he walks past me (mind you, all he had to do was turn around and he would be where he was headed-the living room). As he walks by, he pushes me playfully. I gave him the death stare. A little while later he comes back in the kitchen (my daughter and I were invited over for dinner which is why I was there to begin with). I was standing at an angle to him and could see out of the corner of my eye that he was checking me out. I asked him what he was looking at and he just licked his lips and said I knew what he was looking at. Ummm... no *******. After dinner, I went outside with him to give him some of the kids' stuff. I also handed him my engagement ring and journal/scrapbook that the two of us made together. He refused to take it so I started walking it to the trash can. He picked me up by the waist and grabbed the stuff out of my hand. Yelled at me for even considering tossing such meaningful things away. He then burst into tears. He has shed a tear here and there over the breakup but nothing like this. He was crying and telling me that all he wants is to be with me but he doesn't know if he wants to get back together for the right reasons. He just kept saying he loved me and missed me. I said basically nothing and didn't even cry myself. I just listened... I did tell him at one point that I loved him with all of my heart but right now my heart is broken into a million pieces. While I love him with every single one of those pieces, it's better to just leave them shattered rather than hurting myself to put it back together... We left around the same time. He asked for a hug while we were in front of his parents. His mom started crying and asking if we were going to work things out. We said no - in unison. lol Here's the thing though... I want to be with him. I want to work things out with him. I want him to want me. I'm a beautiful, smart, and sweet girl and he often tells me that I deserve better. Really? If I deserve better, then why don't you want me??
Author collegemommy Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 I'm not exactly angry. I'm just tired of his head games. When he sees me, he wants me. If I'm not around, it's like he forgets about me. Out of sight, out of mind I suppose. I'm just tired of him sitting me on this back burner so he has a fall back plan. He claims it's because he wants to be my friend but seriously, how can I be "just friends" with someone that I love? An even better question is why can't we work out if we both love each other as much as we say we do?
DontWorryBHappy Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 If he's not fighting for you when you aren't around, he doesnt actually want you. Remember that... and so will I.
Author collegemommy Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 DontWorry- I tell myself this everyday. If I say nothing to him, like I don't text or call, after a few hours he is sending me messages. He isn't fighting to be with me, he's not chasing me, and I totally understand that these are all signs that he wants nothing to do with me. I really do know that he cares about me. We just won't ever get back together. Guess what? I'm actually ok with this. I don't want to settle for some guy who is really going nowhere fast. Seriously. He has no motivation or drive to do anything. I, on the other hand, work full time, go to school full time, and plan on having a career I love. I want to be successful. He is happy just "having enough" to get by... I can do better and I deserve better. I deserve to be with someone who treats me with kindness and respect.
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