Mme. Chaucer Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 It is utter rubbish when people say that. You never hear someone in a heated divorce say that about their stbx Not when I say it!
Luv2dance Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I wish I could say "I just knew" but I did not, and actually still don't. I used my head more than my heart in picking a partner..of course I can only see that now looking back on things. Well our divorce isn't heated, but I certainly believed my stbxh was 'the one' (ie the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with). I wouldn't say there was a moment when I instantly 'just knew' because we were friends for years and I always 'knew' he was special. It gradually dawned on me that he was the man I wanted to marry. Despite the divorce, I still believe what we had is rare. I'm sure, given the population of the planet, there must be more than one person out there that's a perfect fit so I don't entirely believe in the idea of 'the one'. Having said that, with my new man we both knew within seconds of meeting (we'd been online friends for two months beforehand) that this was something exceptionally special and there is no doubt we are 'made for each other'. Even our friends and family can see it. I never really hoped for this kind of relationship, perhaps because I didn't truly believe it existed but he is, without a doubt, my soul mate. I'm not sure that it's over romanticising to say that you 'just knew'. I'm quite a rational person most of the time and I think when you're out there meeting potential partners, there are so many people who are clearly a bad fit, that when somebody stands out it's quite natural to think they could be 'the one'. If it works out, then you're possibly going to look back years later and say that you 'just knew'. With the hindsight of a marital break up, albeit an amicable one, I think you can 'know' that this person is different from all the rest, but not that you will be with them for life. That's really more dependent on your individual personalities and, as we all know, if somebody has decided they want out, there's not a lot you can do about it, even if you 'just know' that they are 'the one'. Essentially it all comes down to staying power and some people clearly have more than others. So Tiger, do you think you would have stayed happily married with your stbxh if he had not ended things?
JamesM Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 It is utter rubbish when people say that. IMO it is not "utter rubbish." Obviously anyone who says "I just knew..." can be wrong up until the day they die, but that does NOT mean that they did not know. The only ones who can be believed are the ones whose marriage has ended by death. Even those married sixty years may end in divorce. Highly unlikely. However, I think that knowing that this is the one for marriage does not mean that this feeling is only real if a divorce never happens. Life happens. Yes, I am one who just knew that this was the woman for me. The first time I met her I was intrigued and definitely had interest but was not thinking of a future. However, after a couple of months when I met her again, I had the feeling that this was the one. I even came back to work after seeing her (not dating her) and said "I just met my wife over the weekend." Of course the wiser and older ones thought I was simply young and in love. Despite the issues that we have, that feeling has not changed. Looking back at every woman I met back then and comparing them to my wife....well, I still just know. Although it has only been twenty two years since that weekend (and twenty years of marriage), I think that feeling will stay. Does that mean that I am immune to divorce? No. However, even if such a think happens and I cannot imagine it as of now, I know that she was the best thing that happened to me in many many ways.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 That's really romantic and real James. You kept it real. So many different response and it's interesting to read other's perspective. ...I still question whether I will ever find someone to grow old with. I do too Carrie T. Even though in my heart I'd love to find a man that I connect that much with.
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