Jersey Shortie Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Wasn't sure which forum to post this in but I figured it might be helpful to have a married perspective on this one. I've heard some people say that they just *knew* when they met their currently partner that they were *the one*. Now me, I tend to think some of them our over romanticing it and now that they ended up together, they can make statements like that. What do you think though? Did you just *know* your current partner was the one for you, or not? Do you believe other people when they say this?
Eeyore79 Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 I have "known" that someone was the one, and subsequently been dumped by them, on more than one occasion. Other people have "known" I was the one, right before I dumped them. I don't think you can "know" if someone is the one right from the beginning. When you meet someone, you have an intuition about what they're like, so if that pans out then your initial feelings were justified and you can say you just "knew". But more often than not, your initial impression was wrong, and you break up.
GaLwAyGiRL Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 I don't believe in love at first site..but when I first met my H I knew he was someone I wanted to be with...I initiated our relationship and asked him on a date (we had been friends for about a year) we went out on our first date and life as I knew it was over...:love: we liked the same music (which is a very unique style) we thought the same things were funny (kinda twisted sense of humor) we were both looking for the same thing at the time and everything fell into place..we both fell hard and fast..but I really do think you attract what you want by your outlook and attitude towards life...M and R's are what you make them..they don't just happen and nourish themselves..JMO
seren Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 I had lots of relationships before I met H, while all were fun, I never believed in THE ONE, or love at first sight. Then when I was working in a bar in walks H, I was floored, knew straight away that this was THE ONE. Not romanticising, the thought makes me go bleuch!! but that's how it was. he was/is just so bloody gorgeous I just wanted to look at him, he had women a plenty after him, was getting engaged to a beautiful actress, I was married with a son and seven years older and while not pig ugly, nowhere near as beautiful as her. We became friends, it was knowing that I could have such strong feelings for another man that made me question my marriage and leave. I could never have an A Anyway, when now H, heard he followed me from Germany to the UK, ended his engagement as he knew I would never see him while he was seeing someone else and we took it from there. 26 years later and with him having had an A, I still look at him and my heart flips, he is still THE ONE and while he had an A, I am still THE ONE for him. We argue, he annoys me some times, hell I annoy him, but he is the only person I have ever felt this way about and I am no sugary, pushover woman, far from it. We still sleep holding hands and touching feet, if he goes to bed before me, when I get into bed he sighs in his sleep (possibly because I am going to steal the duvet) and smiles. People have commented that we both look at each other adoringly, possible because our eyesight is not so good, but he is my soulmate and my darling and hooray, my husband. How lucky we are.
RobM Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 I didn't know, in fact .. nevermind, I know you have me on ignore so no point wasting bits typing this
xxoo Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 I had no idea H was "the one" when I met him (would have argued strenuously to the contrary!). H was supposed to be a fun fling
crazycatlady Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 On the first date H kept saying things like "when we get married...." Evidently when I opened my door to him - a semi blind date because we knew each other online for years but it was not a romantic encounter, we were just suppose to hang out together and party a little - he decided I was the one and he was going to get me. The whole weekend we spent together he kept talking about when we were going to get married, he named our son (and yes we did use that name). I was confused and was wondering if he was playing with the fat girl's head even though sexually we hit it right off. I figured when he went home I wouldn't hear from him again except online. Boy was I wrong. He kept talking about getting married and I still kept thinking he was crazy until about two months in he finally actually told me he loved me. I was getting ready to make the 5 hour drive back home and then to work that very night and decided screw it, I called my job, told them to get bent and moved in with him. 14 years ago. ... Almost exactly. He says he knew from the moment he laid eyes on me. I already passed the critical test which was being able to keep up with him in an arguement and the fact that I was almost as smart as him. But seeing me in person blew him away and that was it for him. I'm not sure I had a say in it lol. CCL
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 My exH was the right man at the right time - he was the 'one' for that stage of my life. Unfortunately, times changed and so did we. We get along better now than we did when we were married. My bf and I have been drawn to each other in many ways since we met nearly 15 years ago. We sort of danced around each other for a long, long time never quite losing sight of one another. Now we are together, and I would have to say that he is the 'one' for this stage of my life. I don't believe in 'one' for all eternity unless you and that 'one' are able to grow and change with each other and not grow out of each other. People are not static - they will not be the same at 40 as they were at 20. You either find the 'one' who can roll with a lifetime of changes, or you find 'one' for a particular stage in life.
Woggle Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 To be honest when I first met my wife I just wanted to get her into bed. She was hot and I wanted a good lay. When we got to talking and I found out the kind of person she was I couldn't believe it. I didn't think women like her existed anymore and it blossomed from there.
Spark1111 Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 I liked him; I liked how gentlemanly he was and sensitive; easy to talk to and very respectful. We dated exclusively for a while until he had to move for a job 1500 miles away. We kept in contact, friends really, and dated others, had some relationships, etc. I did not want to get married, but I remember thinking if I were to marry anyone, it would be him. Why? my friends asked me. The sex was off the charts, always, and he made me feel safe. Still is. Still does. In retrospect, my "blink" was right: I have NEVER felt for anyone, the way I did and still do about him.
CarrieT Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 I married the first man who told me he loved me at the tender age of 20. Why? Because I had such a low opinion of myself that I didn't believe any other man could deign to love me and I had better not let him get away. Then our marriage fell apart five years later when I discovered him sleeping with other men. Since then -- and over the past 20 years -- I have had three long term relationships but I never "just knew" it was just the right thing at the time. But I never felt that any one of those three relationships were even marriage material and I reading a lot of these LS threads about marriages falling apart, I still question whether I will ever find someone to grow old with.
hopesndreams Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Oh yes, I just knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we would be together, always, til death. The heart is dumb, dumb and dumb. I tend to think some of them our over romanticing it and now that they ended up together You got that right.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I knew. I saw his profile on a dating site and not everything "on paper" was right for me - he smokes, he's not tall, he has a very different background from mine - but the self deprecating humor in what he wrote, and the wry twinkle in his eye in the pictures, the complete lack of bull just totally grabbed me and I 'winked.' Our written correspondence was really deep from the start. Our first phone call - I loved his voice. Because of our schedules, both traveling a lot, it took about a month for us to finally meet. By that time though neither of us had said anything to this effect, we were both quite sure; in fact, we'd already planned our second date before we had even met. I know that I am not his usual "type," and vice versa for sure, but as soon as we had eye contact, it was positively affirmed that we were going to be together. We are old and a half, and both have divorce scars, so neither of us were going to be rash no matter how certain we were. But we were certain, and still are. A year later and we have decided to get married. I love him!
doublescorpio Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I knew and we have been together since 2003. I didn't actually know he was the one until we had time alone. We had conversed with each other on a few occasions over a two month period but always in the company of many others, I was 17 and he was 18 at the time. Once we sat down and actually looked at each other we both properly knew. Later we found out we had unknowingly been in the same paces together before we even met, although we did not even live within 500 miles of one another. Yet we found out this and even had seen a photograph from a mutual friend of us sitting next to each other on an occasion months before we met. It is weird and I feel even at a young age in my teens then, we were certainly meant to find each other because things are just too perfect. We met at a time when we were both at the most open, optimistic stages in our lives, we weren't looking for anything except an adventure and I like to think that perhaps helped bring us together.
SavannahSmiles Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 To be honest when I first met my wife I just wanted to get her into bed. She was hot and I wanted a good lay. When we got to talking and I found out the kind of person she was I couldn't believe it. I didn't think women like her existed anymore and it blossomed from there. I get that all the time.
Holding-On Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 I have "known" that someone was the one, and subsequently been dumped by them, on more than one occasion. Other people have "known" I was the one, right before I dumped them. I don't think you can "know" if someone is the one right from the beginning. When you meet someone, you have an intuition about what they're like, so if that pans out then your initial feelings were justified and you can say you just "knew". But more often than not, your initial impression was wrong, and you break up. I like what you have written. Although, I think that it is more that you can have a strong sense that a person will work for you as a lifelong mate and he or she can sense that you won't work for him or her. My husband knew I was the one. He told me so six weeks in. I thought he was a cross country fling that I'd probably never see again.
quankanne Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 was still very much in love with the college classmate I thought was The One when I met Mr. Q. We were friends, but somehow, my heart was very sure of this guy – I could see certain aspects of a future with him and it wasn't scary – and the relationship grew from there. Of course, I chased him for about two years and was content being his one and only "friend with benefits" when he started talking marriage. that was 18 years ago ...
You Go Girl Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I've never met someone and thought they were 'the one'. Maybe in my future?
SarahRose Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 It is utter rubbish when people say that. You never hear someone in a heated divorce say that about their stbx
seren Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Ah Sarah, surely that is the whole point, if they are THE One then you would work through any problems in the relationship as the thought of not being with the person would be unthinkable. I can tell you that if any other man I have known in my life had, had an A, then I wouldn't have even given them 5 seconds of my time. It is because many of us have found who we view as our soulmate that we are willing to put in the hard work. Being with the one isn't necessarily all hearts and flowers, nor is it an excuse to treat someone as a doormat, just that life without them would not be as sweet. I can honestly, hand on heart say that I never believed in it, until it happened to me and 26 years later, and after a whole load of nasty water has passed under our sometimes shaky bridge, still feel he is the one for me. Even if we had divorced, he would still be the one I would think of, would still float my boat. He is still the only person I sigh when we hug as I have found my still and peaceful place. I am not a romantic, far, far from it, it just is what it is.
LittleTiger Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 It is utter rubbish when people say that. You never hear someone in a heated divorce say that about their stbx Well our divorce isn't heated, but I certainly believed my stbxh was 'the one' (ie the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with). I wouldn't say there was a moment when I instantly 'just knew' because we were friends for years and I always 'knew' he was special. It gradually dawned on me that he was the man I wanted to marry. Despite the divorce, I still believe what we had is rare. I'm sure, given the population of the planet, there must be more than one person out there that's a perfect fit so I don't entirely believe in the idea of 'the one'. Having said that, with my new man we both knew within seconds of meeting (we'd been online friends for two months beforehand) that this was something exceptionally special and there is no doubt we are 'made for each other'. Even our friends and family can see it. I never really hoped for this kind of relationship, perhaps because I didn't truly believe it existed but he is, without a doubt, my soul mate. I'm not sure that it's over romanticising to say that you 'just knew'. I'm quite a rational person most of the time and I think when you're out there meeting potential partners, there are so many people who are clearly a bad fit, that when somebody stands out it's quite natural to think they could be 'the one'. If it works out, then you're possibly going to look back years later and say that you 'just knew'. With the hindsight of a marital break up, albeit an amicable one, I think you can 'know' that this person is different from all the rest, but not that you will be with them for life. That's really more dependent on your individual personalities and, as we all know, if somebody has decided they want out, there's not a lot you can do about it, even if you 'just know' that they are 'the one'. Essentially it all comes down to staying power and some people clearly have more than others.
crazycatlady Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Ah Sarah, surely that is the whole point, if they are THE One then you would work through any problems in the relationship as the thought of not being with the person would be unthinkable. I can tell you that if any other man I have known in my life had, had an A, then I wouldn't have even given them 5 seconds of my time. It is because many of us have found who we view as our soulmate that we are willing to put in the hard work. Being with the one isn't necessarily all hearts and flowers, nor is it an excuse to treat someone as a doormat, just that life without them would not be as sweet. I can honestly, hand on heart say that I never believed in it, until it happened to me and 26 years later, and after a whole load of nasty water has passed under our sometimes shaky bridge, still feel he is the one for me. Even if we had divorced, he would still be the one I would think of, would still float my boat. He is still the only person I sigh when we hug as I have found my still and peaceful place. I am not a romantic, far, far from it, it just is what it is. The only other person to cheat on me I kicked to the curb immediately - well I had a revenge ONS to let him know how it felt so I could pour salt into his wounds. To be truthful I was a horrible young adult, my only excuse is I was 19 and truly pissed off that he did that to me. As oppposed to this time when I was hurt. But I wasn't the one who knew...my H did and to this day he still says that. It makes me feel very special that he reguards me that way. However I do agree also with the bolded statement. I so agree.
LittleTiger Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 and after a whole load of nasty water has passed under our sometimes shaky bridge, still feel he is the one for me. Even if we had divorced, he would still be the one I would think of, would still float my boat. He is still the only person I sigh when we hug as I have found my still and peaceful place. I am not a romantic, far, far from it, it just is what it is. Two years ago I would have agreed with you seren and crazycatlady. My stbxh was definitely that person. He was my peaceful place for 37 years, from childhood until the end of our marriage. Everybody who knew us was shocked when he ended it. I was shocked because what he said took away my peaceful place. I'm one of the lucky few who hasn't become disillusioned by my marriage break up but I have become even more of a realist than I was before. When one person bails out it changes everything. What was true, is no longer true. What you once 'knew' is suddently doubted. You will continue to think your husband is 'the one' for as long as you are married and they still love you. If you have the kind of relationship we used to have then you are lucky and I hope it lasts. I now 'believe' (although I won't say I know) my new man is 'the one' and he feels the same way. Only time will tell if we're right - I'll let you know in about forty years.
SummerLady Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Wasn't sure which forum to post this in but I figured it might be helpful to have a married perspective on this one. I've heard some people say that they just *knew* when they met their currently partner that they were *the one*. Now me, I tend to think some of them our over romanticing it and now that they ended up together, they can make statements like that. What do you think though? Did you just *know* your current partner was the one for you, or not? Do you believe other people when they say this? I did know but not at first, so don't know if that counts. I knew on the second date that he was the one. The first date was good but the 2nd date it just all clicked. I knew from the 2nd date this was going to be it for me and I felt it was mutual. I think the mutual part is the most important right? It could be there for you and not the other person? I knew it was mutual. I think I am a very honest person even when things are not in my favor. I would have had no problem saying I was head over heels for him and he did not feel the same. I was looking for honesty. I can smell fake 1 mile away. I can honestly say that I never felt that with my first husband but did love him when I married him but never felt the way I feel now. Just my 2 cents.
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