SouthernSunshine Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I had told her I was going to get a divorce and yes, I was very close but very scared. So, she waited approx. 8 months and she got sick of me saying I was going to leave and never did. I had such a hard time figuring out what I would do. I wanted her but did not want to mess up my marriage, family, etc. She told me she was going to start dating and she met another woman online. So, she told me she wanted to be happy again and work it out with this girl. Apparently this girl is ok but she feels a lot closer with me. Today was the last straw, we had been texting back and forth. She got pissed off at me and told me to call her when I got divorced. I will try to work it out with my husband and have to get her out of my mind but it si very difficult. She and I had such an emotional connection that I get goosbumps talking about it, now I am having a bit of a challenge getting close intimately with my husband, I have had sex with him and when I do she comes to my mind, it;s horrible, my thoughts of her have to go away but they don't. This has been a real mess I got myself into and I am not sure what it's telling me. I always think about her, I hope it fades or do I? Thanks for listening. You have to talk to your husband, and tell him what happened. Tell him your feelings. He deserves to know. By continuing to keep this from him, you're further distancing yourself from him. Have you told anyone else about this? You're carrying a very heavy load.
Author Parasailing01 Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 Ok, why am I having such a hard time trying to get this woman out of my mind, I try not to think about her but it's not working at all!! Being with a woman is incredible and now I am trying to focus on my marriage but I can't get her off my mind! I have never felt so strongly about another person as I do with her!
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 5, 2010 Posted May 5, 2010 Ok, why am I having such a hard time trying to get this woman out of my mind, I try not to think about her but it's not working at all!! Being with a woman is incredible and now I am trying to focus on my marriage but I can't get her off my mind! I have never felt so strongly about another person as I do with her! It's called withdrawal. And you need to understand that while it was incredible because of the newness of it. it was still betrayal, let's not sugarcoat it. Let you find out your husband was in a homoerotic affair with another affair are you gonna think it's not betrayal either??? You say your not gay but yet, you miss this woman, or the idea of the feelings she provoked in you, didnt your husband provoke similar feelings when you was with him in the begining? or your just addicted to the rush of something new. Why??? You need to realize you are married, you shouldnt be having feelings for anyone else, unless you resolve your marriage. it isnt fair to your husband. Affairs are very selfish indeed.
Author Parasailing01 Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 I agree, affairs are WRONG, I am wrong and I realize that. What I am worried about now is that when I come clean my husband would want a divorce and could ask for full custody for my children (I think). So, whatever I decide to do I have to find out the laws in Florida. So, should I chose to stay in my marriage and tell him, we get a divorce, he could try for full custody of my kids based on who I had an affair with. Should I divorce and not tell him, eventually if I have a relationship with this woman again, he would try for full custody for the kids as well (I believe). I got myself into this, I know that, so please send feedback that will assist me or if anyone knows the laws for child custody in Florida that would be great. If I left my husband pursuig a relationship with this woman what would happen to my kids, I do not know? Once again, I did wrong, please send any feedback you may have that will assist me or answer questions I may have. Thanks!!
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 ??? What do you want, to stay married or not? You sound confused!!! Maybe your husband can forgive you, why would you automatically jump tpo conclusions? Doesnt sound to me like you are in any frame of mind to make decisions.
Author Parasailing01 Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Yes, I am confused, this is why I am going to therapy separately as well. I am confused and have been for a little while because I have been through this with my husband before (minus the affair) and I am afraid to continue down the same path, we are trying to work on it but it is still scary. I am also afraid to get divorced and move into a realtionship with a woman for fear of the unknown and fear that my husband could take full custody. Don't get me wrong, I realize that no decision is easy to make and I have to think things through, this is what I am doing now. I do have stronger emotional feelings for this woman, I feel a deeper connection than I do my husband. Since my car accident and realizing that life is too short, I want to be happy, most of all I want my kids to be happy and want them to see me happy as well. I am trying to find the correct answer but it's not coming to me so easily. It may never and I will just have to make that choice.
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 You have to be OK alone, reguardless of what happens with the OW. If your marriage is going to end, let it be because you don't love your husband anymore and you feel it would be healthier for your kids in two homes, rather than all of you together in one house. If you and your H have a bad dynamic, fight, argue all the time, then that's not good for your children. Do family counseling too (if you decide to divorce) so the kids can adjust and get used to a different life. Though please don't introduce and involve in the OW in your kids lives for a long time.
Author Parasailing01 Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Thanks to you whichwayisup, you are correct. I am deciding now if I want to be with my husband or not. I am moving in that direction. You are right, if I chose to get a divorce and later on be with the OW, I need to do it much later in the game. I am going to see what happens with my marriage and take it from there. Has anyone ever had a similar experience, if so please share and let me know what you decided? Thanks!
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