I keep falling back into it, .

[ALombard]

Hello everyone,

 

To give a quick run down of what has happened to me. My on and off girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago and right afterwards started dating a guy she's known for 2 or 3 weeks. Since that time, I've been doing a lot of working, hanging out with friends, and unfortunately drinking a ton. For some reason I find it near impossible to do NC with her. The day she told me she was with someone I told her never to call me again, later that night she asked me if I was ok, I didn't reply. Later when I tried to initiate a conversation I never heard back until the next day she called me and apologized for almost running me over with her car. I told her it was an accident so whatever, then told her to please stop calling me. I went to sleep and woke up later and texted her, we talked about our relationship and I told her I needed to let go and begin healing. Later that night I ended up going out with a girlfriend of mine whom I've known for around six years. I had a great time, didn't even think of my ex. After I got home, I was drunk by this point, I texted her and told her that if she still wanted to be friends I would be fine with that because I realized I could actually like someone else romantically besides her. She asked me who the girl was and if I ****ed her (keep in mind I hadn't said I was with anyone) I told her that I hadn't slept with anyone and that the girl I had gone out with was a friend of mine. She replys by saying "you're dead to me". I ask her how come it's okay for her to do what she's doing but I can't go out and try to work on myself without risking her cutting all ties. Once again no response. This morning I get off work and go to sleep just to be woken up by a phone call from her, I pick up and she proceeds to tell me how I lie and I'm ****ed up and any girl I'm with from now on she feels sorry for because I'm just going to mess their life up. Keep in mind I manage a hotel at night and have my own place and I am financially well to do and a great guy (so i hear). I simply reply by telling her to grow up and stop being immature and hypocritical, she hangs up on me. I text her telling her that she must have really never loved me because she in no way was acting mature about the situation and only called me to say mean, spiteful things. About 10 minutes later she calls me back and this time talks to me and acted calm and I simply told her that I should be allowed to just try to move on, she agrees and tells me that she will probably never talk to me again. I say, that's fine just have a good life and good luck. She ends up crying and hanging up. I fall asleep only to wake up from a dream where she died. I text her and tell her how crappy this is for me and she agrees it sucks for her to and once again we start texting. I decide to go get some food and ask her if she wants to join she says she wants to but feels bad because of her new boyfriend. I tell her fine and then ask why she agreed to meet up in the first place to which she replys, because she wanted to see me. I end up getting drunk again and go out with some friends for a bit leaving my phone at home. I come home to find three texts from her and I just go off on this emotional tangent about how I can't eat, or sleep, and all I do is drink now. I tell her how sorry I am and how all I want to really do is commit to her and get married. She replys by saying how she wishes I said this earlier and that she wants to marry me too someday. Since then I haven't talked to her, I left my phone at home when I left for work tonight so I wouldn't be tempted. I just want to know why I keep falling back into it, I go hours without wanting to talk to her, or hating her, and then all of a sudden it's BOOM all I can think of is her. What can I do besides taking her number out of my phone, which I did and blocking her from Facebook. Why am I always so tempted to talk to her eventhough after the past things she has done to me I don't want to actually be with her. (this isn't the first time she has broken up with me to go and date another guy for a few months before coming back to me). I know that in my heart I am done with her and can never actually make it work with her because I will never trust her, but for some reason I can't stop talking to her. It's almost as if I think that I can somehow maintain some sort of relationship with her and still move on. Any advice guys?

[EthanH]

I feel for you, I think you are in a pretty difficult situation. BUT

 

YOU ARE PLAYING GAMES

 

and while this continues, with all the strong feelings you have for each other, it is just going to prove toxic. Look at what you last did, you told him you wanted to marry her, she replies back and says she does too someday, and yet you are talking about blocking her out of your life. It's crazy. The fact is, you need to realise that you cannot just switch on and off emotions, and throughout all of this, you are acting out of impulse. And you are surprised that many of the results are contradictory.

 

If you want to get out of this tangled mess. Take a step back. Calm down. Think what you want, maybe even try and write it down in literally a few sentences on a piece of paper. Just look at it sitting there in-front of you. Stop playing games. If either of you are ready for a serious relationship, then you have to be able to speak openly and honestly to each other. Your main problem seems to be that because of the intensity of feelings, you try to make the other person upset, in some kind of weird and warped effort to get them to come back to you (acting like you have quickly moved on, telling each other you never want to hear from the other again etc etc)... this has to stop as it is just not helping the situation. Speak to her honestly, tell her what you want, let her tell you how she feels, and stop the games. If not, give up and move on, but you cannot have both, either you want to be straight with her, or by default, you want to mess her around, and that is something which will eventually lead to one or both of you hating each other.

[ALombard]

Yeah I noticed that tonight. I took some time to just sit, listen to sad music, and get in touch with my emotions instead of surpressing them like I have always done. It seems that since I'm so hurt with what she has done by jumping into a relationship so fast with someone she barely knows that I want her to feel as bad as I do. She's not the type of person who will say many things regarding her emotions when she breaks up with me. I'm just confused, this is the THIRD time that she has left me because "I treat her 2nd best" and as soon as she meets a guy who is nice to her she runs to them. I've learned the error of my ways but I just really don't know what to do. I sent her an e-mail being completely straight up and honest about my feelings, even telling her how I get physically sick without her. I'm not trying to make her come back out of pity or anything and honestly if for some reason this isn't just another situation that we always go through and it's for good I felt like for once I had to be true to my emotions (which she always gave me **** about). I might have gone overboard telling her exactly how I'm feeling and what it's doing to me but eh... I just am at a loss on what to do. Do I go NC or do I see how it plays out, I've done this before and the pain isn't fun but when we get back together it's worth it and this time I'm ready to commit. So any advice?

[TaraMaiden]

Go NC.

 

But remember, NC is not a tool for getting back with your ex.

nossir, it's most definitely not.

 

It's a tool for moving on.

If you use it as a tool for getting back with your ex, it's just manipulative and a goading-bait.

In other words - just more games.