gail715 Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 I have been living with a guy for 3 months now. I moved in with him in January. I thought I was happy until about a week ago. I have a 12 year old son who I have sole custody and i love more than anything in this world. My son is my heart and soul and anyone who knows me knows that my world revolves around my son. Problem is: This guy that we live with has made several comments about my son in the past week, telling me that he plays his X-box too much, that he isnt active enough, I take him too many places, and I don't disipline him enough, and that I need to make him go to bed earlier. I gave him the silent treatment for a day before I told him that I have done a perfectly fine job raising my son and that maybe he doesnt understand the bond my son and I have since he has no children. When i told him this he told me that the problem is that he believes that I would leave him over my son if something were to happen. I told him that he was absolutly right, no man would ever come before my son. My son's father and I married really young and he cheated with our neighbor and I divorced him. This girl that he was with was a drug addict and he started doing the drugs with her. He got into trouble with the law and is now a convicted felon. I have often thought about my ex and woundered how he was doing and started missing him from time to time. I have spent many nights crying myself to sleep because I missed my life with my EX so bad. Last week when all this stuff started with my BF my EX called me. He told me that he is finally clean and he plans to stay that way, he has kicked this girl out of the house that we shared and that he is going to work hard at getting his life back together. I told him that I was very proud of him and that I would be there for him to talk to if he ever needed someone. The next morning I took my son to school and my EX called me telling me that he would like to see me, I was still hurt over the things that my BF was saying and some of his actions that morning, and I went and met my EX. It was the greatest feeling in the world. I have missed him so much and cried so many nights wishing that things could have been different with us. My EX has made many mistakes the last few years, been locked up over drugs, lost all rights to our son, not been the father my son was use to him being, said some really horrible things to me, and turned most of our friends and all of his family against me for his actions. The truth is, I love him and i miss him, and I dont know what to do. I told him that I am living with someone but Im not really happy. He told me that he would be my friend but that was it because I am involved with someone. Now that I have seen my ex and we have been talking on the phone I really want out of the relationship that I am in. I dont love this man I am with, my heart belongs to my ex. I want to leave my BF so bad but I dont want to hurt his feelings, and all the furniture in his house is mine so I will be leaving him with nothing. My heart is breaking I cant eat and I cant sleep because all I think about is how unfair this is to my boyfriend and how hurt he will be to know that I dont want to be with him anymore. But I am not happy and neither is my son. I am so confused. I want to get a place for just my son and I and start being friends with his father again. What should I do??? Am I crazy??? Is this feeling normal???
JustJoe Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Why do people enter into new relationships when they still have feelings for someone else? You haven't been a very good GF, have you? Did you tell him about meeting up with your ex?
Author gail715 Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 Yes i have told him about the phone calls and meeting him. I just havent told him about the feelings that i still have for my EX. When I went into this relationship I thought that I was ready. I haven't been with my EX for three years. I had a guy friend before my boyfriend who I just seen from time to time, but I needed more. I was lonely and wanting the family life that I was use to having. Before my divorce I couldnt imagine my life with anyone other than my husband, he was my high school sweetheart and my husband for 9 years. I am so confused and to answer your question NO I havent been a good girlfriend and i know that. I am so confused. One minute I want my ex back and the next minute I want to live alone, nothing that I want includes the man that I live with but I am so afraid of hurting him, and this is not fair to the BF. I feel so ashamed and completely embarrassed.
JustJoe Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Gail, what you are saying here, you should be telling your BF and the Ex, both. If you have no romantic feelings for the BF, you need to move out ASAP, before any more damage is done to him and you. You also need to let your EX know that getting back together with him is conditional on him manning-up and accepting his responsibilities, and that he needs to prove himself to you.
EmperorR Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 As soemone who has been dumped and left for a ex baby dad who said he "changed". You need to dump your bf right now, he doesn't deserve this. But just a note it's hard for people to change if your ex reverts back to his old ways you will be thinking about what you lost and by then it will be to late. Good luck hope it works out for you.
Author gail715 Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 Today I feel like such a fool. My ex husband called me to tell me that him and his girlfriend are back together. I feel like now he will be back on the drugs (If he ever really stopped using them), and stop wanting to be a part of our son's life again. He has already cancelled plans with our son for this weekend because he has a party to go to with his girlfriend. I don't know why I am so confused, I have tried and tried to put my Ex behind me and move on but I just can't do it, It is driving me crazy! You guys are right, my BF doesnt deserve this and I don't deserve him. He is a good guy but I cant help that I just don't have love for him. It is all so wrong of me. I am going to tell him in the morning and start moving mine and my son's things out of his home by next weekend.
JustJoe Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Gail, the heart wants what it wants, but that doesn't mean that you should be blind to your Ex'S faults and bad character. Do you want your son to grow up like him? As far as your BF, I think that you are doing the right thing, by moving out. He deserves the love that you can't give him.
Author gail715 Posted April 30, 2010 Author Posted April 30, 2010 I never thought of it that way, but you are exactly right! I do NOT want my son to grow up like him. From this moment on I am going to focus on being the best mom that my son deserves. After reading your comment I realized: I have a great job. My Ex doesnt work. I dont do drugs. My Ex starts a court trial May 6th over drugs. I have been there for my son from the second he was born. My Ex is there only when it is convenient for him. I pay for all my son's expenses. My Ex is $23,000. behind in support. I teach my son respect. His father doesnt even respect himself. Well I could go on and on, and i didnt even realize it until now that he is such a loser and definately not the role model that I want for my son. Every time that I think of him, I am going to try and think about your question to me (Do I want my son to grow up like him?). Thank You so much!
GrayClouds Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 (edited) Fact is you should give up realtionship for now. Which with a child and your current example of decisions making that may be a long long time. For now focus on becoming the best parent possible and the best you possible, once you accomplish those things then maybe start thinking about realtionships. Edited April 30, 2010 by GrayClouds
Ronni_W Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 I really want out of the relationship that I am in. I dont love this man I am with ... I want to leave my BF so bad but I dont want to hurt his feelings, and all the furniture in his house is mine so I will be leaving him with nothing. His hurt feelings and lack of furniture are his problems to deal with after you have left. This has nothing to do with your ex, Gail. If your son's mental, emotional and spiritual well-being are as important to you as you pay lip service to, then you will know within yourself that this is NOT a good environment for your son to be in for very much longer. It sounds as if you want to be a good role-model for your son, and that includes showing him how to take proper care of his own mind and heart...by not settling, by not staying in a relationship out of guilt or lack of courage, by not being limited by other peoples' feelings or needs. Your son needs to be able to trust and count on you to take care of the emotional, mental, spiritual and physical/material needs for the both of you. And, staying in this relationship, you're not doing the first three for either of you. Get out, Gail. Or start planning to be able to do so as soon as possible. YOU deserve better than a relationship you don't want to be in...and your son deserves a mom who is truly happy and fulfilled, and enjoying her life to the fullest -- that is how he is going to learn how to be and do the exact same in his adulthood. Hugs, and best of luck.
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