heartbroken7557 Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 I was dating this girl "Amy" for the last 2+ years. A little back story to our relationship...I am 35..she is 37. I was in a lonely marriage..."Amy" was a friend from work for a few years before we started dating. I had an affair with "Amy". Amy and I were on and off the last 2 years as I was seperated from my wife. This past February 12 I broke up with Amy. My divorce was getting hectic and I stressed out too much over it, and felt guilty about the affair. I let it effect my relationship with Amy. And I ultimately broke up and left her. I moved all my clothes out of her house while she was at work. I Told her I needed a break and left because the divorce just was getting to me. She told me she loved me, and asked why am I doing this, that she was there for me these last 2 years when I was going through a tough period in my life, and she just couldn't understand why I was leaving. I cut her out of my life for about 7 weeks. She would text, and I stopped responding. She would email and I stopped responding. Now I want her back. My divorce was finalized on April 6. After my divorce was finalized, I tried contacting her again..and she was pretty cold (understandably). Then she finally agreed to meet me for a night to talk and go out, this was on April 17 . I know she started seeing someone in mid-march. She told me she was dating someone new and that she would go out to dinner with me, but she made it clear it was NOT a date. She said she was going because I had asked and that I wanted to talk to her- not for any other reason. At dinner we talked. She told me she was confused. That she was going to be honest with me, and she told me she really likes this guy she is dating. They have been on about 5 dates and started dating the 2nd week of march. We went to dinner, had wine, had a decent time, but it was awkward. I picked her up at 600 and we hung out until about midnight...just talked at a nice restaurant all night and I drove her home. When we got back to her house I gave her a card pouring my heart out to her. I read the card that I wrote to her, in summary Saying I made a mistake and realized that I love her and I wish I had never left. I truly realize that I miss Amy, and that I love Amy. She cried alot and we hugged good bye. I truly want to be with her. Now this past sunday April 25 Amy sent me an email saying the following which is the exact email.... "I dont really want to write this email but I know i have to. Ive been thinking alot about all you said last week and the card you wrote me. I just cant right now and I am so sorry. I want to tell you this now so that youre not sitting around waiting for me. Thats not fair to you. I believe everything you say to me and you did treat me very well and I look back with a smile when I think of all the wonderful times we shared. You are a very special part of my life but all I can give you right now is friendship and I know that is not possible. I feel so bad for hurting you but at the same time I have to do what is right for me. Someday I may hate myself for making this decision. You will always have a special place in my heart and I do hope someday we can be friends. Please dont call me. I wont answer. This is a difficult decision for me and it hurts but it is what I feel is right. I dont mean for that to take away from the pain you are feeling. I am so sorry but please know you are always in my thoughts and I truly hope one day you will be happy. Love, Amy." I responded with the following... I wish you all the luck and love in your life. I'm sorry I can't be a friend to you after how close I got to you. I am sorry for that. You were special to me and its time to move on. I wish you the best and wish you all the happiness in the world. I realized that after I dropped you off saturday we'd likely not see each other again, other than maybe bumping into each other somewhere and saying a simple hi. Thanks for this emai I appreciate it. Good bye to not only someone that I wanted to be with, but to a great friend as well. Good bye, Good luck, and all the best, So my question is....is it over? do you think we will have a chance at all to get together again? She is still dating this guy she really likes...I'm just confused and sad. I think she is gone for good, and she has moved on with this new guy. I miss her so much and wish I realized sooner how much I love her and how I screwed up. Im truly heartbroken. Please give me your thoughts and suggestions. Thanks.
Perhaps Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Hey, I've been in the exact same boat as you so i can imagine what you're going through. The best advice I can give is you is to let her come to you. So far, you've been honest and sincere in expressing your regret and admitting your faults - it takes a lot to put your pride aside and fess up so pat yourself on the back for that. I'm sorry to say this but it looks like she has her mind made up. You've done everything you should have - if she still wants to be with someone else, then let her go. She was straightforward enough and your reply to her was strong, but it also got your feelings across. But she's made it clear that she can only offer a friendship and given your feelings, it isn't advisable that you become her friend and try to win her back - it will only hurt you more. Your best bet is to respect her wishes and your own well being and start NC. I made the mistake of being friends and trying to win her back. It did me no good - so avoid the same mistake and maintain your pride. You made a mistake and you apologized and were ready to show her you were sorry. But if she does not want that, then let her be - she is happy. Most importantly, you need to start working on moving yourself out of this rut. I felt heartbroken for a long time but it eventually started to fade. The fact that I put her before me gave my ex an opportunity to abuse my sincerity. Don't let that happen to you. Maintain your pride - don't let any sort of guilt or regret take over your life. Best,
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