stillafool Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 ok so this morning around 10am she says lets take a nap instead of going to lab...we got distracted by this thing and ended up not leaving right away. then at 12 when we're leaving, i was like "we'll take my car?" she was like "no i'm going home to my house" I asked her if anyone was home, so i could come. She said her mom was home. Wait, her mom works everyday!? she was going home to take a nap alone? it sounds weird?? right? Now just a few minutes ago, i'm in the library studying. And i see her printing some stuff, so i walked over and was like "why you here" in a nice way of course. She was all dressed up, makeup on, hair was done, nice dressy shirt etc. She tells me some story about how her parents and her brother are going out to the cheesecake factory for dinner. I made the comment "you're very dressed up for dinner with your parents" and she replies something to the fact of "my mom likes it when i look nice" I want to trust her, but she's been very distant, doesn't call for night time chats. Hasn't slept over since sunday night, even though we go to school together every morning? I asked her "where you snuggling tonight?" and she replied "my bed" Any thoughts? reference: last problem http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=228925&highlight=femaletroubles I hope you don't take this the wrong way but you seem a little clingly and needy. I think you had better back up a little bit or this girl is going to get bored with you. What? A girl can't put on makeup and get dressed up unless she is going to be with you?
stillafool Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 thanks for the reply... needy, whiny, insecure...maybe, but i honestly dont feel like i'm that way. I do feel unloved and unappreciated though. How would you feel if you're girlfriend didn't return calls, didn't respond to texts, never says i love you, rarely sleeps over anymore You said she did say she loved you and you asked her "how much" and she said "too much". You need constant attention and that is too much work for any relationship. This girl is going to be a doctor also and probably does need space to study, think and plan. If she gave you an STD before and you know how insecure you are why did you take her back? Why didn't you move on to someone else? i can feel her pulling away. I KNOW she slept with someone else while we were apart. Blood tests DO NOT LIE. now that has played tricks with my mind, because she flat out denies having slept with anyone, which i know MUST be a lie. It leaves me wondering, is she sleeping with him tonight?? So why are you still with this girl? How would that make you feel, trying to fall asleep, not having heard from your GF all night, knowing she might be shacking up with some other guy, after NOT wanting to sleep with you for over a week now? You don't know this to be fact and if you feel this way break up with her. i haven't dropped a word about my dissatisfaction of her not sleeping over. I just invite her, say "i'd really like to wake up with you in my arms in the morning" what i don't like is the lack of communication. There's not even a good night text. Nothing. I feel like she does not care, and because i do it bothers me. Then communicate to her what you are feeling.
stillafool Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Dude you may have these other people fooled but I can read you like a book. You are a seriously needy, whiny, insecure paranoid guy. I think you are driving this girl nuts with your pushiness and what not. She doesn't stay over for a few days so you're going to break up w her? You thinl everything she says is a cover up and therefore she is cheating? She doesn't even sound like she is your gf if that is the case. I would love to hear her side because I'm positive there is a whole lot more going on here. Just because she want to live alone doesn't mean she doesn't like you, and just because she lived with her ex doesn't mean she should live with you. Oh ya, and what does you 150 k job in 3 years have to do with anything? Is that job guaranteed? Do you know that position will still be there in 3 years? I wouldn't be surprised if this chick is through with you. I have to agree here. You are probably driving this girl crazy and I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't end up falling for a guy who is more secure with himself.
mansquito Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I have an idea. It's going to totally blow your mind, but bear with me for a second: Arrange an ironclad, private date with her. Some place private. Your pad, or preferably hers. Bring a bottle of wine, and sit her down on the couch with a couple of drinks. Then, look her in the eye, and (here's the part that's gonna blow your mind) be honest with her. "I've been feeling some distance in our relationship lately. If you're feeling ambivalent about whether you want to be together with me, I don't think I can hang with that." If she says that, yeah, she's feeling some ambivalence, or that no, she's pretty much decided that she doesn't want to be with you, then stick to your guns, and walk outta there with your head held high. If you end it with dignity, there's even money that she'll want to jump your bones on the way out. Chicks dig guys who can take those kind of lumps.
Author femaletroubles Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 I have an idea. It's going to totally blow your mind, but bear with me for a second: Arrange an ironclad, private date with her. Some place private. Your pad, or preferably hers. Bring a bottle of wine, and sit her down on the couch with a couple of drinks. Then, look her in the eye, and (here's the part that's gonna blow your mind) be honest with her. "I've been feeling some distance in our relationship lately. If you're feeling ambivalent about whether you want to be together with me, I don't think I can hang with that." If she says that, yeah, she's feeling some ambivalence, or that no, she's pretty much decided that she doesn't want to be with you, then stick to your guns, and walk outta there with your head held high. If you end it with dignity, there's even money that she'll want to jump your bones on the way out. Chicks dig guys who can take those kind of lumps. i like this plan, i think that's exactly what she's feeling though. She really enjoys spending time with me, but she's loosing interest for some reason or there's another guy trying to enter the picture. Either would explain why she doesn't want to sleep over anymore or really have sex anymore. (used to be at least once twice a week, with no reason of why she stopped) she also changed her passwords for her email accounts, i actually never looked but i just checked and they're different. After she had made a comment asking me if i had access to her pc? like seriously? it's a shady situation. we spent the afternoon together yesterday, and then she stroked me in the fun place while we were in my bed. We were having a great afternoon, so i made a move, and she was like no. I told her flat out "so we're not going to tonight, it's been over a week" then she said "i'm leaving, here comes the misery" i think she's slowly moving me into the friends category. I'm not going there, i don't need any more friends. It's either she wants to be romantically involved or have a nice life. I really like your plan, but she lives with her parents at the moment, so i can't do it at her place. Would it work if i meet her at a restaurant, and do it at the very end once the bill is paid? or before and then just throw down my half and hope she brought her wallet (which she has started not doing) That way she has a car, and i can just leave? I don't know if doing it at my place is the best idea? because then i can't just get up and leave any ideas on a location?
carhill Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I told her flat out "so we're not going to tonight, it's been over a week" then she said "i'm leaving, here comes the misery" That, right there, was your opportunity for closure. She preempted you. Personally, I wouldn't initiate nor respond further. Black hole. Good luck with med school
stillafool Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 That, right there, was your opportunity for closure. She preempted you. Personally, I wouldn't initiate nor respond further. Black hole. Good luck with med school I agree with this and I'll bet there is another guy in the picture. I certainly wouldn't contact her again - friend.
Author femaletroubles Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 I agree with this and I'll bet there is another guy in the picture. I certainly wouldn't contact her again - friend. so should i just not pick up calls? not return her hello when i see her in school? technically we're still "together" even though i would use that term loosely bc i don't feel like she's 100% in it. We haven't formally split up, so should i just start acting like we have? there has to be another guy in the picture. Women don't tend to just loose interest like this if there's not someone else right?? If she was in love with me, she would sleep over more (like she used to) and she would call/text more (like she used to). At the beginning of the relationship, we used to talk on the phone for hours, now i barely get a call/text once a day Should i just act disinterested/black hole her or should i go the break up with her route after asking her if she's having ambivalent feelings toward our relationship. I feel that she's moved on emotionally, and has friend zoned me, but doesn't want to formally breakup with me.
mansquito Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I really like your plan, but she lives with her parents at the moment, so i can't do it at her place. Would it work if i meet her at a restaurant, and do it at the very end once the bill is paid? or before and then just throw down my half and hope she brought her wallet (which she has started not doing) That way she has a car, and i can just leave? I don't know if doing it at my place is the best idea? because then i can't just get up and leave any ideas on a location? Privacy is the key. If you can't do it at her place, by all means, do it at yours, unless you think she'd going to go all Fatal Attraction on you and start slitting her wrists or something. If you absolutely don't want to do at your place, do it at a coffee shop or a quiet bar or something, where you pay first. Women don't tend to just loose interest like this if there's not someone else right?? . Women lose interest for all kinds of reasons. While it's totally possible that she's interested in somebody else, she could also be feeling stressed out by school, her job, her family, or even the general sturm und drang of day to day existence. Truth is, it doesn't matter what her reasons are. Keep your own feelings first and foremost in your mind. If you're not happy, that's all the justification you need to end it. It sounds to me, from what you've been describing, that the relationship is slowly circling the drain. At this point, your thoughts shouldn't be on this relationship, but the next one. So think about the first date you're going to have with the next chick you're going to be in a relationship with. Would you rather tell her that you dodged your last girlfriend's calls for a couple of weeks before everything fizzled out, or that you stuck your neck out, expressed your feelings honestly, and ended it like a man?
D-Lish Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 This girl gave you an STD? She's going to be a doctor, but she didn't realize the importance of using a condom? She lied in your bed with you, stroked your dick, then said "no" when you made a move? At best you were only having sex once a week prior to things getting worse? I absolutely think she is cheating. I am betting she is a serial cheater and has been doing it all along. ALL the signs are there. Your behaviour isn't helping- you allow her to walk all over you, and despite the indifferent/disrespectful way she treats you, you haven't walked away. When a girl treats you in this manner, and you don't stand up for yourself, you have to take responsibility for not walking away. I wouldn't have a talk with her about anything, I'd simply dump her a$$ and never look back.
stillafool Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 so should i just not pick up calls? not return her hello when i see her in school? technically we're still "together" even though i would use that term loosely bc i don't feel like she's 100% in it. We haven't formally split up, so should i just start acting like we have? Formally or not, she is acting like you aren't her man. Don't call her or talk to her. there has to be another guy in the picture. Women don't tend to just loose interest like this if there's not someone else right?? If she was in love with me, she would sleep over more (like she used to) and she would call/text more (like she used to). At the beginning of the relationship, we used to talk on the phone for hours, now i barely get a call/text once a day There most certainly is another man. You can bet on that. She is going to be a high earning doctor and will probably be a player. The world is her oyster right now. Should i just act disinterested/black hole her or should i go the break up with her route after asking her if she's having ambivalent feelings toward our relationship. Definitely act disinterested. Just don't call her again and when she calls you do not respond. If she wants you make her chase you. I feel that she's moved on emotionally, and has friend zoned me, but doesn't want to formally breakup with me. Of course she isn't going to formally tell you because she may need you again.
Author femaletroubles Posted May 4, 2010 Author Posted May 4, 2010 This girl gave you an STD? She's going to be a doctor, but she didn't realize the importance of using a condom? She lied in your bed with you, stroked your dick, then said "no" when you made a move? At best you were only having sex once a week prior to things getting worse? I absolutely think she is cheating. I am betting she is a serial cheater and has been doing it all along. ALL the signs are there. Your behaviour isn't helping- you allow her to walk all over you, and despite the indifferent/disrespectful way she treats you, you haven't walked away. When a girl treats you in this manner, and you don't stand up for yourself, you have to take responsibility for not walking away. I wouldn't have a talk with her about anything, I'd simply dump her a$$ and never look back. yup i called her out on the STD. We were lying in bed together, and it was dark and she was lying in my arms, and she pulls out her phone. It's not like i was trying to look, but seriously it's the only bright light in the completely dark room. I saw a text from robbiedawg on bbm saying "i miss u too" i asked who is robbiedawg, very nicely and calmly. She FLIPPED OUT that i was reading her phone, wouldn't tell me, told me she's "not going to respond because i'm invading her privacy again" she's always texting on the phone to people, but then never tells me who it was/who it is etc Privacy is the key. If you can't do it at her place, by all means, do it at yours, unless you think she'd going to go all Fatal Attraction on you and start slitting her wrists or something. If you absolutely don't want to do at your place, do it at a coffee shop or a quiet bar or something, where you pay first. Women lose interest for all kinds of reasons. While it's totally possible that she's interested in somebody else, she could also be feeling stressed out by school, her job, her family, or even the general sturm und drang of day to day existence. Truth is, it doesn't matter what her reasons are. Keep your own feelings first and foremost in your mind. If you're not happy, that's all the justification you need to end it. It sounds to me, from what you've been describing, that the relationship is slowly circling the drain. At this point, your thoughts shouldn't be on this relationship, but the next one. So think about the first date you're going to have with the next chick you're going to be in a relationship with. Would you rather tell her that you dodged your last girlfriend's calls for a couple of weeks before everything fizzled out, or that you stuck your neck out, expressed your feelings honestly, and ended it like a man? it's finished, i said something along the lines of "are you having ambivalent feelings about our relationship? because if you are and you don't want to make this work, then i can't be in this relationship" she replied she loves me but she thinks we're not compatible, and that love is not enough. In fact she said "love is the least important thing, there needs to be compatibility" she said "i love you but i'm not in love with you" i said "that tells me you don't love me, don't care enough to want this to work. Have a nice life, i'm done with you." That's the end Formally or not, she is acting like you aren't her man. Don't call her or talk to her. There most certainly is another man. You can bet on that. She is going to be a high earning doctor and will probably be a player. The world is her oyster right now. Definitely act disinterested. Just don't call her again and when she calls you do not respond. If she wants you make her chase you. Of course she isn't going to formally tell you because she may need you again. It's completely done, i'm black holeing her, no contact, don't want to speak to her, don't want to look her in the eye. 3 more years and i never see her again, she's too unstable, flies off the handle about everything and starts screaming. I'm done with her temper tantrums. Thanks for letting me vent, it helps to get it off my chest.
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