femaletroubles Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 ok so this morning around 10am she says lets take a nap instead of going to lab...we got distracted by this thing and ended up not leaving right away. then at 12 when we're leaving, i was like "we'll take my car?" she was like "no i'm going home to my house" I asked her if anyone was home, so i could come. She said her mom was home. Wait, her mom works everyday!? she was going home to take a nap alone? it sounds weird?? right? Now just a few minutes ago, i'm in the library studying. And i see her printing some stuff, so i walked over and was like "why you here" in a nice way of course. She was all dressed up, makeup on, hair was done, nice dressy shirt etc. She tells me some story about how her parents and her brother are going out to the cheesecake factory for dinner. I made the comment "you're very dressed up for dinner with your parents" and she replies something to the fact of "my mom likes it when i look nice" I want to trust her, but she's been very distant, doesn't call for night time chats. Hasn't slept over since sunday night, even though we go to school together every morning? I asked her "where you snuggling tonight?" and she replied "my bed" Any thoughts? reference: last problem http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=228925&highlight=femaletroubles
Author femaletroubles Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 should i text her and say "take a pic of what you're drinking tonight!!" as a way of seeing if she's really out with her family? (last time i was out with my fam i sent her a pic of my drink) i get the feeling that she's going out with some guy last time we split up, then we "causally had a few nights" it ended up with me having to take a weeks worth of antibiotics. I still haven't told her that, although she knows she had something bc she had a blood test, and she knows that i had one. I straight asked her if she had slept with anyone while we were apart and she said no and got all agitated that i was asking.
Author femaletroubles Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 yes, she's cheating on you my thoughts, but i'm not crazy enough to show up there and who drives in the other direction to print something, and then meet their family out for dinner?? should i text her something like "i'm trying to believe you but i get the feeling that you're out with someone else, text me a picture and i'll believe you from now on"
Author femaletroubles Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 @alphamale "minimize jealousy and possessiveness. strong display of both good and bad emotions should be avoided" read your link, i'm trying really hard not to show the jealousy and possessiveness right now...i really want to send her a message saying i'm not happy with this last time she complained i was being too intense and she couldn't take it etc...blah blah
alphamale Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 @alphamale "minimize jealousy and possessiveness. strong display of both good and bad emotions should be avoided" read your link, i'm trying really hard not to show the jealousy and possessiveness right now...i really want to send her a message saying i'm not happy with this last time she complained i was being too intense and she couldn't take it etc...blah blah don't do anything for now, just gather evidence
Author femaletroubles Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 ok i'm going to let it slide, but how am i supposed to catch her. she talks to tons of people on aim, facebook, texts, blackberry im etc. she doesn't let me read them if i'm in class, and i look over to see who shes chatting with/try to read her screen she gets PISSED!! should i set a time limit, like if she doesn't sleep over this weekend then let it go? Last time we split up it was HER that wanted to get back together. She said she MISSED me, not the other way around. I acted like i was just fine without her. which to an extent is true, it's 50/50 like dislike. I feel like i just need to stop caring so much. but i feel like she's being secretive. I feel like txting her "i hate all the secrecy" but i'm not going to because i know the best thing is to sit tight and "believe" her
sagetalk Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 This is usually a sign of loosing interest, also known as "There is another guy syndrome". I wouldn't jump the gun, but if she keeps getting more distant there is definitely another guy in the picture.
Author femaletroubles Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 (edited) This is usually a sign of loosing interest, also known as "There is another guy syndrome". I wouldn't jump the gun, but if she keeps getting more distant there is definitely another guy in the picture. exactly what i was thinking, but then on saturday night and sunday night, she says "i love you" and she rarely says that. I replied "how much?" she says "too much" and then i say i love you too. granit, it's not the first time its been said, but she doesn't say it quite often so i'm a bit lost. on one hand i want to believe her, on the other hand her actions speak otherwise. eidt* the girl NEVER pats for anything either. even though she has a FULL SCHOLARSHIP and i'm 100% loans. We went out the other day, and she made the comment "she doesn't even know where her debit card is anymore" I was like WTF?! and then at the end, the waitress brought the doggy bag of food, and she's like "you're not going to carry that?" and i told her "what i have to pay for it and carry it" and she replies "big F**ing deal you bought the food" she was only kidding, but i have to believe that on some level she truly thinks that i'm not well off, i'm a poor student, i'm entering a 150K starting job in 3 years, but so is she. then when i dropped her off she says thank you for lunch Edited April 29, 2010 by femaletroubles
Author femaletroubles Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 This is usually a sign of loosing interest, also known as "There is another guy syndrome". I wouldn't jump the gun, but if she keeps getting more distant there is definitely another guy in the picture. asking her straight out if "she's stringing me along" probably wouldn't be a good idea right? i feel like i just need to tell her, she either needs to start showing more interest or she can find another guy? i just feel like she doesn't care. she doesn't want to sleep over etc maybe we just spend too much time together that she doesn't miss me, and takes the fact that i'll alway be around for grant it.
sagetalk Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 asking her straight out if "she's stringing me along" probably wouldn't be a good idea right? i feel like i just need to tell her, she either needs to start showing more interest or she can find another guy? i just feel like she doesn't care. she doesn't want to sleep over etc maybe we just spend too much time together that she doesn't miss me, and takes the fact that i'll alway be around for grant it. Not enough time has passed for that. Just let it go for now, there is still a possibility that it's nothing.
ComeUndone Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 It sounds like she's playing games, or possibly cheating and being quasi-transparent about it. Did she know you were going to be at the library when she went out of her way to come in and make copies? If so then she was trying to make you jealous, that much is obvious. I would make myself less available to her.. don't even be around for her this weekend, and tell her in advance: "I'm heading over to so & so's until Sun night" or "I've got a busy weekend planned so I'll talk to you Monday" ..you get the idea. That'll get her thinking. Just try it and see what happens.
EYECANDY000 Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 should i text her and say "take a pic of what you're drinking tonight!!" as a way of seeing if she's really out with her family? (last time i was out with my fam i sent her a pic of my drink) Honestly if its came to this point the relationship is over. the trust is out the door!
ComeUndone Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 should i text her and say "take a pic of what you're drinking tonight!!" as a way of seeing if she's really out with her family? (last time i was out with my fam i sent her a pic of my drink) Honestly if its came to this point the relationship is over. the trust is out the door! Yeah I was thinking the same thing. If my bf asked me to do this I would know he had an ulterior motive.. way too obvious!
phineas Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Sounds like my STBXW when she started cheating. She would say "thank you" if I took her out while we were seperated & in MC. She's starting to feel guilty. "thank you" is something you say to someone you've recently met that has taken you out. Not your BF.
In-The-Wheat Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 This is obvious IMO - there's another dude. She's being all kinds of shady right now & doesn't know if or how to end things with you - so she's taking the "quietly drifting away" route in hopes that you get the idea & wont confront her about what's happening. She sounds weak and immature if that is indeed what's going on. It would be wise of you, as other's have suggested, to be distant yourself for awhile. My ex did the same "getting distant" thing over the course of our last week together - I tried to confront her about the BS she was pulling, she ignored my call then texted me it wasn't working out - great character. About 2 weeks later one of my friends sees her on a date with someone else.. Take that for what it's worth man. Time to let her know you don't need her & she will start to think twice.
Romance Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 I dont think you can jump to the conclusion that she is cheating but you're insecure in the relationship, so end it.
ComeUndone Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Sounds like my STBXW when she started cheating. She would say "thank you" if I took her out while we were seperated & in MC. She's starting to feel guilty. "thank you" is something you say to someone you've recently met that has taken you out. Not your BF. I say thank you to my bf when he takes me out, pays for dinner etc (and vice-versa) so this may not necessarily be something to be suspicious of...
Author femaletroubles Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 This is obvious IMO - there's another dude. She's being all kinds of shady right now & doesn't know if or how to end things with you - so she's taking the "quietly drifting away" route in hopes that you get the idea & wont confront her about what's happening. She sounds weak and immature if that is indeed what's going on. It would be wise of you, as other's have suggested, to be distant yourself for awhile. My ex did the same "getting distant" thing over the course of our last week together - I tried to confront her about the BS she was pulling, she ignored my call then texted me it wasn't working out - great character. About 2 weeks later one of my friends sees her on a date with someone else.. Take that for what it's worth man. Time to let her know you don't need her & she will start to think twice. hmm interesting inputs everyone. so today, when we were leaving class at 12pm, (mind you we're in med school btw) i drove her to her car and then said "i'll see you later tonight" and had to say it a few times until i got a response anyways, after i was done with my thing this afternoon, i text her i'm done, are we meeting up tonight? she responds "idk, if i feel better." i ask if she's sick, she says "i'm just tired and grouchy" needless to say, she has not texted/called to say she's coming over... she slept over last night, after not having slept over since sunday night. And interestingly we haven't had sex since last saturday, and she did not want to last night. she texted me at 8pm "do you have remote access to my computer" (i had fixed her old computer, put a new OS on it) i replied with the truth "of course not. i trust u that u wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt me" i haven't heard any response from her... what should i do? should i text her "we need to talk" should i sit her down, say i know you're sleeping with someone else, we're done? should i just ignore any future texts/calls etc this weekend and be completely unreachable? thx
Author femaletroubles Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 (edited) It sounds like she's playing games, or possibly cheating and being quasi-transparent about it. Did she know you were going to be at the library when she went out of her way to come in and make copies? If so then she was trying to make you jealous, that much is obvious. I would make myself less available to her.. don't even be around for her this weekend, and tell her in advance: "I'm heading over to so & so's until Sun night" or "I've got a busy weekend planned so I'll talk to you Monday" ..you get the idea. That'll get her thinking. Just try it and see what happens. no she didn't she was quite caught off guard, she was like "why you're here??! you didn't tell me you'de be here" oh and now she's been talking about moving out of her parent's place and getting her own place. says she wants more privacy. doesn't want to move in with me. even though she used to live with her ex (is halfway across the country and hates him, i absolutely know he wouldn't be the other guy) Edited May 1, 2010 by femaletroubles
Author femaletroubles Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 This is obvious IMO - there's another dude. She's being all kinds of shady right now & doesn't know if or how to end things with you - so she's taking the "quietly drifting away" route in hopes that you get the idea & wont confront her about what's happening. She sounds weak and immature if that is indeed what's going on. It would be wise of you, as other's have suggested, to be distant yourself for awhile. My ex did the same "getting distant" thing over the course of our last week together - I tried to confront her about the BS she was pulling, she ignored my call then texted me it wasn't working out - great character. About 2 weeks later one of my friends sees her on a date with someone else.. Take that for what it's worth man. Time to let her know you don't need her & she will start to think twice. I like this. so maybe i shouldn't respond to any texts/not pick up calls etc
Author femaletroubles Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 (edited) I dont think you can jump to the conclusion that she is cheating but you're insecure in the relationship, so end it. i caught chlamydia from her when we got back together and right now, i haven't heard from her since this afternoon. don't know where she is, don't know who she's with. I suggested that we go out to a bar, a night club tonight etc, she said she wanted to stay home, so i said fine, lets pop a bottle of wine and relax etc, she didn't want to do that writing this makes me realize how unappreciated i am to her. Edited May 1, 2010 by femaletroubles
VeveCakes Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 Dude you may have these other people fooled but I can read you like a book. You are a seriously needy, whiny, insecure paranoid guy. I think you are driving this girl nuts with your pushiness and what not. She doesn't stay over for a few days so you're going to break up w her? You thinl everything she says is a cover up and therefore she is cheating? She doesn't even sound like she is your gf if that is the case. I would love to hear her side because I'm positive there is a whole lot more going on here. Just because she want to live alone doesn't mean she doesn't like you, and just because she lived with her ex doesn't mean she should live with you. Oh ya, and what does you 150 k job in 3 years have to do with anything? Is that job guaranteed? Do you know that position will still be there in 3 years? I wouldn't be surprised if this chick is through with you.
Author femaletroubles Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 Dude you may have these other people fooled but I can read you like a book. You are a seriously needy, whiny, insecure paranoid guy. I think you are driving this girl nuts with your pushiness and what not. She doesn't stay over for a few days so you're going to break up w her? You thinl everything she says is a cover up and therefore she is cheating? She doesn't even sound like she is your gf if that is the case. I would love to hear her side because I'm positive there is a whole lot more going on here. Just because she want to live alone doesn't mean she doesn't like you, and just because she lived with her ex doesn't mean she should live with you. Oh ya, and what does you 150 k job in 3 years have to do with anything? Is that job guaranteed? Do you know that position will still be there in 3 years? I wouldn't be surprised if this chick is through with you. thanks for the reply... needy, whiny, insecure...maybe, but i honestly dont feel like i'm that way. I do feel unloved and unappreciated though. How would you feel if you're girlfriend didn't return calls, didn't respond to texts, never says i love you, rarely sleeps over anymore and it's not like i'm hitting up her cell all night. we had a brief text conversation around 5, then i never heard from her again. At the beginning of the relationship, we'd talk on the phone before going to bed, thats if she didn't sleep over. She used to sleep over 4-5x a week! i can feel her pulling away. I KNOW she slept with someone else while we were apart. Blood tests DO NOT LIE. now that has played tricks with my mind, because she flat out denies having slept with anyone, which i know MUST be a lie. It leaves me wondering, is she sleeping with him tonight?? How would that make you feel, trying to fall asleep, not having heard from your GF all night, knowing she might be shacking up with some other guy, after NOT wanting to sleep with you for over a week now? i haven't dropped a word about my dissatisfaction of her not sleeping over. I just invite her, say "i'd really like to wake up with you in my arms in the morning" what i don't like is the lack of communication. There's not even a good night text. Nothing. I feel like she does not care, and because i do it bothers me. my $0.02, but i'm here for other peoples take on my problem. So thank you for taking the time to respond. i appreciate your candor
Author femaletroubles Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 why would she ask me if i have remote access to her pc? is that definite proof that she's doing something she doesn't want me seeing? then she never responded to me when i replied back saying no i trust u u wouldn't do anything that would hurt me ?? very shady needless to say i haven't spoken to her since yesterday afternoon, and will not all weekend.
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