scenester Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I started dating a girl I used to date back in December again. It didn't end on bad terms, we just mutually stopped talking. Honestly, I think she lost interest cause I DIDN'T ask her to be my girlfriend. Well, we started dating again for about two weeks now. We hangout almost everyday and I can deff see the signs she likes me. We are hanging out later tonight and I was thinking about just saying "I like you, I want you to be my girlfriend." I want to be direct with her, and tell her what I want. I'm not sure if I should say that or don't say anything at all and wait for her to bring it up, which honestly I don't think she will. We're still young and she's just not that type of girl to ask me. Advice?
Phantom9309 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 How long did you date her before? If you add the most recent two weeks, what is your total date time with this girl? I usually don't get back with girls from the past so I'm inexperienced with this sort of thing. However, if I was going to ask. I'd say something like, "I don't plan on making the same mistake twice, ....." Insert some stuff there.
Ihavenoidea Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I've never asked a woman to be exclusive or to be my girlfriend, it just sort of happens, I think you either know or you don't know. I am the same way, I am straight forward with my feelings and intentions. I wouldn't word it quite the way you did but you both should probably talk about each others intentions. Make she states hers as well
Author scenester Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 (edited) How long did you date her before? If you add the most recent two weeks, what is your total date time with this girl? I usually don't get back with girls from the past so I'm inexperienced with this sort of thing. However, if I was going to ask. I'd say something like, "I don't plan on making the same mistake twice, ....." Insert some stuff there. 2 and a half months. What's the mistake? Edited April 28, 2010 by scenester
Phantom9309 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Well, I think there is going to be some level of neediness in asking. That's why I like the advice of letting the girl make that move. But if I was going to try, maybe I'd explain why I think exclusivity breeds a healthy relationship and why it's important to me. I'm trying to be vague because really everyone has different reasons.
Ihavenoidea Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 If it was me I would say something on the lines of, "How do you feel about being in a relationship with me. I really like you and feel we should move forward." Like I said ive never asked so not the best advice but something like that.
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 If you want her to be your girlfriend, for chrissakes, ask her. Don't play games. Expressing how you feel is not "neediness". Let us know how it goes.
Author scenester Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 If you want her to be your girlfriend, for chrissakes, ask her. Don't play games. Expressing how you feel is not "neediness". Let us know how it goes. I don't want to ASK her. That would give her the POWER.
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I don't want to ASK her. That would give her the POWER. Oh. So you DO want to play games. How attractive. Good luck with that.
Author scenester Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 Oh. So you DO want to play games. How attractive. Good luck with that. There's a fine line between asking her to be your girlfriend and telling her you want her to be your girlfriend. Maybe you misunderstood...
alphamale Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 generally its the girl who asks about that stuff
Phateless Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I don't want to ASK her. That would give her the POWER. DUDE, you need to grow up. Seriously... If you can't handle asking someone to be your girlfriend because you'll lose the power, then you are NOT ready for a relationship at all. If you want to go direct without asking her you could say "You know what, I've decided I like you. I think I'll keep you. You're my girlfriend now. :)" If you deliver this properly with a grin, she'll eat it up. Happy??
eric82 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 (edited) Scenester, I think you're overlooking the underlying issue here. She's not asking you where things between you two are going because she already split up with you in the past, and quite frankly, she doesn't care enough about you now to want an official relationship with you. Let's be real here, your split back in December wasn't mutual. What really happened was she lost interest and stopped talking with you. You sensed what was going on and reacted by withdrawing too. Then you pretended to her and yourself that the split was mutual to save face and protect your ego, and to avoid burning bridges with her. See, you never really lost interest, because if you had, you wouldn't be trying again with her, you'd be focusing on other girls now. You've had this in the back of your mind this entire time and you've been waiting for an opportune time when she showed a little interest to move in and try again. I think that's also what's driving you to worry about making things official with her now, hoping her interest in you will somehow grow and solidify if you declare your feelings and intentions. Even if she agrees to it, that still doesn't mean she's actually into you, especially given the past circumstances. It just means that she's going with the flow and seeing what might happen. Let me guess, she started seeing another dude back in December or January, that didn't work out, and now that you're back around having already demonstrated that you can survive without her, she has second guessed her decision and become somewhat receptive to you again. That isn't true interest, it's her testing potential and passing time until she meets someone better. Once you admit to yourself that the past split wasn't mutual, you'll see that you're wasting your time with her. She rejected you already, do you really need her to do it again to get the point? Sure she might still have some remnants of interest in you, but don't confuse that with real interest or positive potential. With female interest level, there's a point of no return, which usually occurs when they no longer seek communication with you (see: December). She might still hang with you and have sex with you, but she's never going to fully open up or be into you. With you worrying about whether and how to bring up making things official, I think you already know subconsciously that she's not really into you. If you have to wonder or worry whether to say what you want, it's obvious that your closeness with her is nowhere near enough for her to be your girlfriend. If she isn't prodding you about where you see things going and her body language isn't showing she wants more, then clearly she doesn't really care enough to want it to be serious and official. You can try to rationalize and make excuses, explain that she's too timid or confusing to ask, but if she really wanted it, her body language and the way she communicates with you would indicate it. You would know because you would sense it from her. But she's not putting out those vibes, now is she? Edited April 28, 2010 by eric82
Author scenester Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 Scenester, I think you're overlooking the underlying issue here. She's not asking you where things between you two are going because she already split up with you in the past, and quite frankly, she doesn't care enough about you now to want an official relationship with you. Let's be real here, your split back in December wasn't mutual. What really happened was she lost interest and stopped talking with you. You sensed what was going on and reacted by withdrawing too. Then you pretended to her and yourself that the split was mutual to save face and protect your ego, and to avoid burning bridges with her. See, you never really lost interest, because if you had, you wouldn't be trying again with her, you'd be focusing on other girls now. You've had this in the back of your mind this entire time and you've been waiting for an opportune time when she showed a little interest to move in and try again. I think that's also what's driving you to worry about making things official with her now, hoping her interest in you will somehow grow and solidify if you declare your feelings and intentions. Even if she agrees to it, that still doesn't mean she's actually into you, especially given the past circumstances. It just means that she's going with the flow and seeing what might happen. Let me guess, she started seeing another dude back in December or January, that didn't work out, and now that you're back around having already demonstrated that you can survive without her, she has second guessed her decision and become somewhat receptive to you again. That isn't true interest, it's her testing potential and passing time until she meets someone better. Once you admit to yourself that the past split wasn't mutual, you'll see that you're wasting your time with her. She rejected you already, do you really need her to do it again to get the point? Sure she might still have some remnants of interest in you, but don't confuse that with real interest or positive potential. With female interest level, there's a point of no return, which usually occurs when they no longer seek communication with you (see: December). She might still hang with you and have sex with you, but she's never going to fully open up or be into you. With you worrying about whether and how to bring up making things official, I think you already know subconsciously that she's not really into you. If you have to wonder or worry whether to say what you want, it's obvious that your closeness with her is nowhere near enough for her to be your girlfriend. If she isn't prodding you about where you see things going and her body language isn't showing she wants more, then clearly she doesn't really care enough to want it to be serious and official. You can try to rationalize and make excuses, explain that she's too timid or confusing to ask, but if she really wanted it, her body language and the way she communicates with you would indicate it. You would know because you would sense it from her. But she's not putting out those vibes, now is she? Let me add, she's 16. I'm 17. High school girls can be confusing. You pretty much summed most of it up but I'd like to add. She saw a facebook post of mine that said she was fake. I didn't know she seen this, and honestly I didn't mean it. She didn't say she seen this just slowly stopped communication with me. I sensed this and pulled back and also stopped. We had no communication AT ALL since December. A couple weeks after we stopped talking she got a bf which lasted no more than a month. I told her when we started seeing eachother again I didn't mean it and its not true cause I wouldnt be interested in a girl who was fake. And I was looking to get serious with her. She said Alright. Now about two weeks ago she was with a mutual friend of ours and we were all hanging out. She showed interest and I went with it. We started talking and the 2nd day we hooked up. We've been hanging out pretty much everyday and she has no problem with me kissing/holding/cuddling/touching her. She doesn't really initiate the texts, but she has asked me to hangout numerous times. When I'm with her I get good vibes, very flirtatious when around me, etc.. I want her to be my girlfriend but i dont know where to go from here.
spiderowl Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Be sure she's really liking you first, but yes, what you suggested sounds good. If you really like a guy, then it's wonderful to hear him talk with a hint of passion like that. You would be taking a risk but what have you lost really? She could say yes, no, or maybe. I know everyone is afraid of rejection and it really does hurt, but after years of experience I've come the conclusion a real man takes the risk. That's how he shows he's a cut above the weaker mates. He's not going to let fear of rejection stop him from making it clear he likes a girl, nor would he pressure her. He would behave like a mature leader. He would respect her decision but wouldn't blame her for it either. In short, he would stand out as having the self-control that the other 'kids' are lacking. If she's not interested, he'll treat her with charm and move on to the next delightful lady who is looking for a grown up like him.
Author scenester Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 I think she might be stringing me along until she finds someone else. If my best bet would be to end the dating and be just friends, if even that. How should I go about doing that? Just stop initiating the texts and see if she's pulled in and starts initiating conversation with me? What if she asks me to hangout? Or should I forget this one and completely move on?
sphx26 Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 If you really like this girl, then take your time in dating her without labels. Asking her to be your girlfriend might appear somewhat needy, and there is really no need in rushing things. Take things slow. The more you get to know her, the better the foundation of your relationship will be. Everything will fall into place when you are both ready.
eric82 Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 A couple weeks after we stopped talking she got a bf which lasted no more than a month. Yep. That proves my point. Why do you want her to be your girlfriend? Do you realize by not being official with her, you leave yourself open to other girls? That's what she's doing in this situation with you. Think about it. I told her when we started seeing eachother again I didn't mean it and its not true cause I wouldnt be interested in a girl who was fake. And I was looking to get serious with her. She said Alright. So she already knows you want her to be your girlfriend. Why tell her again? Reality check: she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. Now about two weeks ago she was with a mutual friend of ours and we were all hanging out. She showed interest and I went with it. We started talking and the 2nd day we hooked up. We've been hanging out pretty much everyday and she has no problem with me kissing/holding/cuddling/touching her. She doesn't really initiate the texts, but she has asked me to hangout numerous times. When I'm with her I get good vibes, very flirtatious when around me, etc.. I want her to be my girlfriend but i dont know where to go from here. Dude, you're 17 and she's 16. Stop worrying about making her your girlfriend. What does that even matter? She's hooking up with you, either go with it for the sake of fun or find a girl who actually wants to be your girlfriend. This girl isn't her.
Author scenester Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 My friend told me she asked him if I liked her. Why would she ask this if she wasn't interested? Could she be waiting for me to make things official?
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