Is "goo goo eyed" required?

[LoveLace]

I like to feel that I have to work to impress someone; of course I like a guy that does the same. I like to feel "goo-goo eyed" over someone when I first start dating them. Because it's the kind of feeling that makes you think about them and makes you want to keep working to impress them.

 

I'm struggling to find that feeling with dates I've had lately. I have another 1st date this weekend but I'm not goo-goo about it at all. I met him and thought he was kind of cute, but the goo-goo feeling is not there. However I don't see a reason to turn down a date just because of it. But normally without the "feeling" I don't desire to make much effort.

 

Think about the relationships you are all in...when did the "feeling" really happen? In the beginning or later? For those of you dating, is this something you expect to feel right away? For myself I"m finding that it's what motivates me to keep dating someone; but in some instances I might be judging things too soon just because I don't feel it from the beginning?Thanks.

[4givrnt4gtr]

Hmm quite frankly i think there is not one sure response.

 

From my personal experience, I dated this one guy for a year, and I was never able to get that goo goo eyed feeling. I liked him, sure, but i never had those butterflies i wanted to so bad. I convinced myself that it was just cuz i was older and those things were surely only for teenagers.

 

I later realized it was more like we just didnt match well, he didnt feel it for me either and inevitably it all ended quite blandly (much like the whole relationship had been).

 

The next guy I didn't initially feel that either but within two dates i started getting more goo goo eyed for him. However, i think that was more because we had a good mental connection and had SOME compatibility. Still, not what i felt when I had crushes in hs. Relationship went well but, again, inevitably that gut, chemistry rush wasnt there as strongly as either of us would have liked and it ended...

 

Now this guy im currently dating.....i got a mad crush on him for 4 months before we started dating. I hadn't felt that as I said since high school. When we started going out we both felt so strongly for each other that we were acting all kinds of awkward...and actually we still kinda are. I still feel this whenever i look at him, despite my own insecurities and actually its what helps me get thru all my fears, that butterfly-e feeling.

I dont know where our relationship will end up, but I know that it feels a million times better than having to rationalize with yourself into feeling butterflies.....

 

My opinion, if you dont feel it, they probably dont either...and what fun is that right? Dont settle for less than what you want..dont ever think, like i did, that "well , i guess this is what grown up relationships are like" cuz its not.

 

Keep on looking, you'll find that man that will make your head spin.

[Star Gazer]

I didn't feel goo-goo over BF on our first date, at all. It was more of a "hmmm... he's a really great guy. We shall see."

 

By the end of the second date, I was wondering, "Now, why didn't he try to kiss me?"

 

And by the end of the third date, I was hooked.

 

[spookie]

the first night i met muy bf, we actually ended up hooking up, but it was more a result of intoxication than an instantaneous connection.

 

the next morning, i'd wondered what i'd been thinking, as i didn't find him attractive at all.

 

he said he knew he was "in trouble" the next time he saw me, but it took getting to know him for me to start being attracted.

 

our relationship has largely flet like 1.1 steps forward, 1 step back, as i am still dealing with a severe crush on my boss, whom i unfortunately see every day, while i only see my bf on weekends; but despite my largely lukewarm feelings, i have continued to date him, because i always end up missing him when we don't see each other for a while, he has been the most reliable and affectionate guy of anyone i have dated... and he makes me happy, if not crazy with love.

 

it's been six months, and the steady cumulative .1 steps forward seem to be paying off. our connection lately has flet pretty intense, and the sex, which started off as mediocre, has lately been the best i've ever had.

[LoveLace]

So I conclude that the "feeling" I speak of is definitely required at some point early on, just not necessarily right away. I have a new rule now, 3 dates to "feel it" and after that I'll call it a no-go...

[Star Gazer]

So I conclude that the "feeling" I speak of is definitely required at some point early on, just not necessarily right away. I have a new rule now, 3 dates to "feel it" and after that I'll call it a no-go...

 

That's fair...

[wien7777]

I like to feel that I have to work to impress someone; of course I like a guy that does the same. I like to feel "goo-goo eyed" over someone when I first start dating them. Because it's the kind of feeling that makes you think about them and makes you want to keep working to impress them.

 

I'm struggling to find that feeling with dates I've had lately. I have another 1st date this weekend but I'm not goo-goo about it at all. I met him and thought he was kind of cute, but the goo-goo feeling is not there. However I don't see a reason to turn down a date just because of it. But normally without the "feeling" I don't desire to make much effort.

 

Think about the relationships you are all in...when did the "feeling" really happen? In the beginning or later? For those of you dating, is this something you expect to feel right away? For myself I"m finding that it's what motivates me to keep dating someone; but in some instances I might be judging things too soon just because I don't feel it from the beginning?Thanks.

 

Well, I suppose I can respond with a personal answer as like someone else said before me, there isn't exactly a set 'time limit' for everyone.

 

I felt "goo-goo eyed" after even just my first real conversation with my boyfriend, as did he- incredible chemistry, spark.. so many things in common matched with a biting wit and the same sense of humour.

 

And two years later, I'm afraid I still feel that way. Not every single day, but.. practically every single day.

[shadowplay]

I was goo-goo eyed with my ex from the start, as I had a crush on him for a year before we started dating. The way things ended taught me that those initial butterflies can be really deceptive. He wasn't at all who I thought he was.

 

Then again my relationships that didn't start with the butterflies also ended, so I dunno.

 

I guess maybe the best approach is to trust your instincts if something's turning you off but not necessarily if there's just a lack of feeling at the start. Also, try to intellectualize your compatibility rather than just following emotion.

 

Whatever you do, don't let the butterflies cloud your judgment or cause you to ignore red flags. I did.

Edited April 29, 2010 by shadowplay

[Kamille]

My experiences vary. I was insanely into current bf from the first time we actually had a real conversation: so much in common and he was so sweet and so sexy. Yet, with my ex ex (who was probably my most serious relationship), I had the complete opposite reaction. I kind of disliked him when I met him - but then we hung out at a friend's place and I thought he was all right, he asked me out and within three dates I was hooked.

 

So yes I fully agree with the three dates rule.

 

I also have to say: goo goo eyed or not, I try to hold off making too much of an effort too early on in a relationship. In my experience, the goo goo eyed feeling can make me ignore some really important red flags. It makes me trip myself up. So, apart from dressing sexy and making sure I put my best foot forward, I do my best to "not try" too hard. That way, I find the relationship usually develops in a more balanced way. I think that's because when I "try to impress", I usually end up trying to set the pace or I might come off as over-bearing or as "too bubbly" or too self-centered or something. Also, when I try to impress someone, I find I end up feeling insecure and vulnerable. So, instead, I literally force myself to just be myself, no more no less, and to let them make an effort to impress me. Turns out, most of the guys I know want to feel like they "won the girl over" .

[EasyHeart]

I think the "goo-goo eyes" are required for a good LT relationship, but they're not enough.

 

Sometimes you meet someone and you immediately get goo-goo eyed, but you later find out that he/she is selfish, insecure, dumb, etc. In those cases, there's no chance you'll ever have a healthy relationship, so you have to move on.

 

Sometimes you meet someone and you don't get goo-goo eyed, but they're a nice person, have same interests, similar education or job, similar background and you really WANT to like them, because they seem like such a great match. But without those goo-goo eyes, it's not going to last.

 

I can pick a random woman off the street and date her for three months; three months is nothing. But sometime after that, you start noticing all the negatives and all the things that separate you and make you different. At that point, it's the goo-goo eyes that get you through to that next stage of deeper attachment. It's also the goo-goo eyes that get you through the times when he/she is swamped at work, or when you have a big fight, or when he/she has the flu for three weeks, or when one of you loses a job, or has a family crisis. Goo-goo eyes are the glue that holds you together when you hit the tough spots.

 

So in my mind, goo-goo eyes are required. For me, I call it the little sparkle I see in her eyes. If it's not there, no matter how hard we try, it's going to be hard to keep things together for the LT. If it is there (and assuming we agree on basic values like kids, money, where we are in life, etc.) then I know it has a chance of working.

 

I think some people put way too much emphasis on what I call 'externalities' -- "Oh, we like the same music! We went to the same school! We both like to water ski! His parents live near my uncle! We both like to hang out in bars! We both run marathons!" Those sorts of things have absolutely no bearing on compatibility. Having initial 'goo goo eyes' and sharing values are the important things in a successful relationship.

[Jersey Shortie]

I think goo-goo eyed is required at some point in the relationship but not necessarily in the beginning. My good girlfiend is now married, and deeply in love, with a man that she thought was just going to be someone to pass the time with. She wasn't goo-goo eyed over him at first. I think this is a feeling that can grow given time and other important relationship factors. He's a great guy.

 

And people don't always allow that to happen because they expect immediate pleasure and fireworks. It's been a LONG time since I felt goo-goo eyed over any guy from the very beginning. The last guy I felt goo-goo eyed over was a guy that regulars my gym. But he's never actually ever talked to me although we've played lots of eye hockey and he will sometimes come and work out on the machine right next to mine. I think it's a chemical reaction I have to him. However, this doesn't negate me from giving chances to other guys that I might not exactly feel fluttery about because that's the only way I am going to find out what works and what doesn't. However, currently, I haven't been trying to hard to date and it's been hard to work up the energy do to other factors.

[gypsy_nicky]

the first night i met muy bf, we actually ended up hooking up, but it was more a result of intoxication than an instantaneous connection.

 

the next morning, i'd wondered what i'd been thinking, as i didn't find him attractive at all.

 

he said he knew he was "in trouble" the next time he saw me, but it took getting to know him for me to start being attracted.

 

our relationship has largely flet like 1.1 steps forward, 1 step back, as i am still dealing with a severe crush on my boss, whom i unfortunately see every day, while i only see my bf on weekends; but despite my largely lukewarm feelings, i have continued to date him, because i always end up missing him when we don't see each other for a while, he has been the most reliable and affectionate guy of anyone i have dated... and he makes me happy, if not crazy with love.

 

it's been six months, and the steady cumulative .1 steps forward seem to be paying off. our connection lately has flet pretty intense, and the sex, which started off as mediocre, has lately been the best i've ever had.

 

spookie was either drunk or drugged out because of mistyping and jumbling her words lol.

[gypsy_nicky]

My experiences vary. I was insanely into current bf from the first time we actually had a real conversation: so much in common and he was so sweet and so sexy. Yet, with my ex ex (who was probably my most serious relationship), I had the complete opposite reaction. I kind of disliked him when I met him - but then we hung out at a friend's place and I thought he was all right, he asked me out and within three dates I was hooked.

 

So yes I fully agree with the three dates rule.

 

I also have to say: goo goo eyed or not, I try to hold off making too much of an effort too early on in a relationship. In my experience, the goo goo eyed feeling can make me ignore some really important red flags. It makes me trip myself up. So, apart from dressing sexy and making sure I put my best foot forward, I do my best to "not try" too hard. That way, I find the relationship usually develops in a more balanced way. I think that's because when I "try to impress", I usually end up trying to set the pace or I might come off as over-bearing or as "too bubbly" or too self-centered or something. Also, when I try to impress someone, I find I end up feeling insecure and vulnerable. So, instead, I literally force myself to just be myself, no more no less, and to let them make an effort to impress me. Turns out, most of the guys I know want to feel like they "won the girl over" .

 

this is very introspective. I have also learned this and not put out too soon (even if goo eyed) because even if you have the best intentions for the other person you will come off as clingy.

 

I think this is where the nice guys and girls fail at first meeting. They put so much into it hoping for a deep connection when they come off as clingy or what the other things you mentioned.

[Kamille]

I have also learned this and not put out too soon (even if goo eyed) because even if you have the best intentions for the other person you will come off as clingy.

 

I think this is where the nice guys and girls fail at first meeting. They put so much into it hoping for a deep connection when they come off as clingy or what the other things you mentioned.

 

Yes, that's a much more succinct way of putting it. I've had guys "try too hard" to impress me. I don't know why exactly but there's something off-putting about it. It's exhausting being with someone who's always trying to impress me, maybe because I feel like they're asking for validation. Also, when people try too hard, I find they often, unwittingly, end up making the dates all about themselves, in a 'look how great I am" way. Exhausting and unbalanced: the other person ends up feeling like a spectator.

[LoveLace]

Well of course goo-goo eyed isn't enough for a good LTR, that I know; the other requirements like common interests and general chemistry are a given. But all by themselves are also a combo for just a good friendship. If goo goo eyes don't join in at some point, I'll assume I only like the guy on a friendship level.

 

And Kam I know what you mean about trying to impress someone; but I need to feel, to some extent that I have to put effort into my appearance or sense of humor or what not, in order to keep someone interested in you. There's a way to do it without going over the top. If I don't feel a need to impress at all, I'm overall not attracted to them then. When I say work for it I'm not referring to hardcore chasing or clinginess..just the feeling that says, I want to keep this guy, I want to let him bring out the best in me. For that to happen it requires some work on my part, as the same goes for the guy, too. It's a matter of impressing someone only to the point where they want to give back the same. This is when I should be feeling "goo goo eyed" by then. Sometimes this all happens between 2 people and they don't really have to work at all, and that's great, but to expect it that way seems unrealistic to me...

[EasyHeart]

When I'm dating someone new, I always feel a little excited and anxious and want to put my best foot forward. I think that's what LL is talking about. And hopefully it's reciprocal -- there's nothing worse than really liking a girl, trying to impress her (dressing sharp, taking her somewhere nice) and she responds by being really blase about it.

[LoveLace]

When I'm dating someone new, I always feel a little excited and anxious and want to put my best foot forward. I think that's what LL is talking about. And hopefully it's reciprocal -- there's nothing worse than really liking a girl, trying to impress her (dressing sharp, taking her somewhere nice) and she responds by being really blase about it.

 

That is what I'm talking about, yes. This is what happens when your goo-goo eyed for each other...this mutual thing is so hard to come by..