cdt76 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Met a girl who is both incredibly beautiful AND smart AND rich. First and foremost, I could care less about the money but, well, it's in the equation so I thought I'd mention it. Has anyone dated a person who is wealthy and what advice can you give? Are there traps to avoid and how do I remain grounded in my own income without feeling inferior and unable to be a good provider? Obviously I could never provide in that sense so there has to be other areas right?
TaraMaiden Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Oh good grief..... First of all you mention money and that it's not important, then you basically come from a position of already being intimidated by her money.... money is power, money is confidence and money is social standing and position. if it's 'new money' and she's only relatively recently come into a position of wealth, you might stand a chance. if she comes from wealthy stock and has always had money, then I think due to her total lifelong conditioning, you may experience more problems with this.... In either case, one of three things might happen: She goes out with you, but actually you're a young stud on her arm giving her a good (physical) time because life is fun and people are there for some of it... OR She will fall head over heels in love with you, be happy to pay for everything and love being with you - but you'll always have this idea that you're not up to scratch, because you'll never be as wealthy as her, and that will hurt your male pride, and ultimately it may well come between you.... OR it's dead in the water already.....
carhill Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 No proclamation but, IME, women from wealthy families marry within their own socio-economic group. IMO, continue to date her within your boundaries of economic means and social decorum. If it works out, it does. Evidently, since she's dating you, she sees value from you being in her life. Go with that
laRubiaBonita Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 No proclamation but, IME, women from wealthy families marry within their own socio-economic group. IMO, continue to date her within your boundaries of economic means and social decorum. If it works out, it does. Evidently, since she's dating you, she sees value from you being in her life. Go with that ^^^^^ Ditto Have fun and above all else be yourself!
Author cdt76 Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 I agree with both comments. I could really care less about money with the one minor issue of the provider aspect of the man's issue of being a provider. I just talked to a friend and she indicated to find a way to add value to her life. I just need to find a way to figure out what she needs in her life that I can give her.
laRubiaBonita Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I agree with both comments. I could really care less about money with the one minor issue of the provider aspect of the man's issue of being a provider. I just talked to a friend and she indicated to find a way to add value to her life. I just need to find a way to figure out what she needs in her life that I can give her. how long have you been seeing her? from the tone of your OP, it sounds like not long- and yet you are already looking for ways to entertain her- add value to her life- let her decide what is valuable- just be sincere
Romance Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 It seems like you already feel inferior to her, don't let that happen. However, I honestly can't imagine being with someone very out of my own socioeconomic range, there'd just be wayy too many differences.
flc Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 As mentioned if she comes from a world where money is not an issue then expect her not to consider the cost of anything but also don't expect her to just pay for everything. She will probably expect you to treat her like her girlfriends BFs do and if they all have money and you don't it will end up stressing you and boring her.
123BeachFan Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I dated a millionaire a while back. Really, it had no bearing on anything, except I let him pay for all the dates . He had similar hangups to guys I dated who made 1% his annual income. If you do date someone of power or status, you really have to feel like you are their equal (as a person) in order to relate to them. If the money is really intimidating to you, things won't have a chance of working out.
kassy Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 (edited) Since this is an anonymous forum, I'll say this whereas I wouldn't normally. I am from a well off family, I have a nice trust fund and quite frankly money is not, and likely never will be an issue for me. I have had a number of relationships fail because the guy was threatened by all of the things you and the other posters mentioned. And while I'm not saying it is true in your case, you need to evaluate her and what she says and does and see if she is like they have suggested, or like me. From my point of view, I have more money than I will ever need, I don't need a guy to be the bread winner, it is just not an issue. What I need is a guy who loves me, loves what he does, is good at it, takes pride in it regardless of the pay. Also someone who enjoys life and knows who he is and is confident and not intimidated by something I can't control. What do they want me to disown the money so that they feel better? You don't need to spend lots on her, don't try and compete... when you have money, things are not quite so impressive just because of the price. What is impressive is when someone shows they have thought about you, what you like, who you are and what you enjoy not just got their secretary to buy you the latest Prada handbag. For example when I was doing my masters my boyfriend would often come into the computer lab at some ungodly hour of the night with some of my favorite sushi that he had made and a thermos of hot coffee... didn't cost much, but he couldn't have made me happier. Forget the money, find out what she likes - especially things you can afford...cute cheap restaurants, or picnics or her hobbies etc etc and go for quality and thoughfulness rather than price. And be secure in yourself. She is dating you because she likes you, unless she raises the issue of you not having enough money, it isn't an issue!! She is probably more aware than you are of the awkwardness of the situation, be creative and keep within your budget and if she's worth it you'll knock her socks off. It's much easier to be a rich guy than a rich girl. Never ever suggest you are with her for her money, not even in a jokey way. If she wants to go to something you can't afford and offers to pay for you, accept. She wants you to be there because it will be more fun with you there, but she also doesn't want to break your bank account. Sorry that was a bit of a rant... but you get the idea... and best of luck! Edited April 28, 2010 by kassy
espec10001 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 My first question is how could you relate to someone who has way more money than you? I mean, those with money would never understand what its like to have to worry about money and where the next pay check is coming from, and also those without money will never understand what it's like to have everything handed to you on a silver platter. Incompatibilities of life experience, I don't see any of it lasting more than a fling.
kassy Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 If you are from different eithnicities you also can't relate in every way to the other person. The most important things are core values, principles and world view.
espec10001 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 If you are from different eithnicities you also can't relate in every way to the other person. The most important things are core values, principles and world view. Which those with money will have different values, principles, and since they don't have to worry about money they probably can/will travel. I don't really care if anyone is rich, good for them. We're all gonna end up dead in the ground anyway, the playing field always evens out. But I have friends from different ethnicities and we all have a BIG thing in common: we're have nots and we know it and it is what it is. Someone who is rich simply will not understand or 'get' cues or activities poorer people do (ghetto), regardless of ethnicity, much the same way we'll never understand golf or caviar or lavish vacations.
kassy Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 People move from one socio-economic group to another all the time. Generally if the move is upwards it is easier... who is going to have difficulty enjoying a holiday??
espec10001 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 People move from one socio-economic group to another all the time. Generally if the move is upwards it is easier... who is going to have difficulty enjoying a holiday?? eh, in RARE circumstances they do, and I mean rare. And it's easy to move upwards? Impossible, no. Easy? Not at all. Like I said, incompatibility it will be a factor sooner or later.
kassy Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I said easier not easy. People move more than you seem think, look at all the bankers for example, most of them didn't find it too hard enjoying the high life, and lots didn't come from money. (not that they are as a group a wonderful example of anything other than the ability to be upwardly mobile). Why is it considered more acceptable for a rich guy to marry a woman with less money than the other way around? I think the male need to be the bread winner is partially to blame. But more women are becoming the breadwinners anyway even within the same socio-economic group so this is going to become a larger issue over time. I guess we will have to agree to disagree. But maybe the OP could just have an optimistic outlook on the situation and go in with an open mind and let the situation play out how it will, and in no way think that he is inferior to her. Money doesn't make you superior, it simply means you have more money, especially if you didn't earn it yourself.
Mr White Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 My gf's family has a lot of money, but my social standing/occupation are more prestigious (if only so-so paid), so that balances things out. Judging from your post, you've pretty much lost already - if you are intimidated by wealth you clearly have self-esteem issues and that's enough to ruin things, wealth or no wealth. You should be able to spank her without batting an eye regardless of that. Remember - rich people are just poor people with money, therefore, no special treatment is warranted.
Eeyore79 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I once dated a millionaire. The problem is, wealthy people are schooled in social airs and graces, and speak differently depending on their social class. They have experiences and skills that most people do not; they've learned to ski and play piano and tennis, they know which fork to use and which wine to order. My ex-boyfriend's friends and family would whisper about me because I stirred my coffee in the wrong direction, or used a lower class word like "settee" instead of "sofa", or because I didn't have wealth and holidays abroad. His friends commented that it "must be nice to be able to afford to keep such a pretty girlfriend", implying that I was only interested in his money, and he got sick of defending me. I'm more educated than him, and I'm a more decent person than any of his friends, but I didn't fit into his social scene because I lacked the appropriate airs and graces. The best advice I can give you is just to be a better behaved version of yourself; observe how things work in her social circle and behave accordingly. Hopefully she'll like you enough to overlook your differences.
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