Cens Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 The girl I've been dating for about six weeks came over Monday night and said that she didn't feel that she was as into the relationship as I was, and used the explanation that she didn't really miss me the way I seemed to miss her when I wasn't around. I'm admittedly really into her and increasingly passionate and open about those feelings (no magic words exchanged yet though), and up until that point I had thought that she was really into me too. There was no reason or indication that she wasn't anyway. Anyway, it took about five minutes to talk her off the ledge so to speak, and we were in each others arms ten minutes later, but I'm feeling very off-balance and unconfident now. I agreed to slow down, and she agreed to give it the summer. Despite the very strong feelings I have for her I'm scared now. I really don't want to walk away from something like this, but on the other hand, I don't want to fall in deeper only to see the other shoe drop. Any insights into what she might be feeling? Thanks
stillafool Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I think she was pretty honest with you about what she "isn't" feeling. At least she was honest with you as so many people are not and will just string you along. I don't think you should have convinced her to stay in the relationship if she isn't "feeling you". No wonder you feel scared. If at the end of summer she still hasn't fallen in love with you don't you think you will be more hurt than you are now.
norajane Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 How did you "talk her off the ledge"? What did you say? I think it's clear - she doesn't have the same feelings for you that you feel for her at this point. Maybe she'll develop them, maybe she won't. We have no way of knowing. You can go either of two ways. 1. Be yourself and continue doing what you have been doing, continue being as open about your feelings, call her and see her as often as you normally would, and see what happens. or 2. Back off a bit so you aren't making her the center of your world, and focus just as much or more on other aspects of your life, and other people in your life like friends, family, coworkers. Don't always choose her to go out with - make sure you're still doing things with your friends. Be as passionate with her as you always are when you are together, but make sure you have a life and stay active in it so she doesn't feel like all you do is think about her when she's not around.
EasyHeart Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I'm sorry to say this, but if she isn't feeling it six weeks into dating you (dating for six weeks is, btw, in no way, shape or form a 'relationship'), she isn't going feel it later. Six weeks is at the peak of your infatuation/honeymoon phase, so this is as good as it is ever going to get between you two. Right now, she is feeling guilty because she probably thinks you're a nice guy and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but guilt is not a foundation for a relationship. Guilt is why you were able to talk her off of the ledge, but that doesn't mean she doesn't still want to jump. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but it's going to hurt a lot worse in the summer, after you've invested more time and emotion into this 'relationship'. (And FWIW, I have definitely been there and done that!)
USMCHokie Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Anyway, it took about five minutes to talk her off the ledge so to speak, and we were in each others arms ten minutes later, but I'm feeling very off-balance and unconfident now. I agreed to slow down, and she agreed to give it the summer. I HATE THIS...if a girl said this to me, you would see a me-shaped hole in the wall...it screams, "I'm willing to drag this out a little longer just so you don't get all butt-hurt right now...and besides, I'm bored..." Despite the very strong feelings I have for her I'm scared now. I really don't want to walk away from something like this, but on the other hand, I don't want to fall in deeper only to see the other shoe drop. Any insights into what she might be feeling? Yes. Absolutely nothing. She's just not into you. LAUNCH. Next, please.
Author Cens Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 I'm not sure how I talked her out of it. Didn't take much really. We are still together although it has slowed down drastically since the event. I have the little demon in the back of my head warning me to be careful all the time now.
Recommended Posts