BlueHarvest Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 There is this girl at work whom I see during lunch everyday. We both just started close to a month ago, same training class and all that. We are on different product teams however. The good news: We talk, seem to have a good many mutual interests. She is new to the area so I can show her around to a few local points of interests. I'm fairly sure she is single as well. She is really into Irish icons (though she is german descent). She wears a Claddagh ring with the heart facing outward (which most people that wear them know that outward facing hearts=no relationship, inward facing hearts means in a relationship). The bad news: Since she is new to the area she only hangs out with her friend that she knew in town before she moved here...and seems to only want to hang out with her. I have tentatively invited her to do 2 things so far. Very casually in passing, like at lunch. And she has stated that she has other plans. The verdict: I think she's cute and funny, and could see at the very least a friendship being formed. I don't want to force anything and yet I can't seem to get her to come do somethign on the weekends. I could add her to facebook, but I'm hesitant to add a girl to facebook that I like. (from my experience adding girls I like as friends to facebook tends to lead to disaster). And I don't have her phone number, so aside from work...there is no way for me to contact her. What should I do? Remember it's only been a month and we are still in training. Should I just back off? Should I suggest an event that is up in the air, and then ask for her phone number to contact her? I'm up for suggestions folks! Thanks!
Bejita463 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Seems like the fact she declined two of your invitations to do something outside of work would be a pretty solid way to gauge interest to me.
DustySaltus Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Well, you've asked her to do a few things already and she told you she had other plans. If she was interested she probably would've offered an alternate date to hang out. Adding her as a "friend" on FB at this point would either make you look needy or give you a one way ticket to the friendzone. You've made yourself available, it's time to back off a bit. She knows you're interested and if she reappears it will be for the right reasons.
phineas Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 When it comes to work i come in contact with dozens of hot women all day. They all flirt to some degree & I just do my job. I will not initiate with women from work. I've found, if their truely interested they will come to me. There are a lot of guys here with reputations for going after chicks at happy hour & such. I'm not one of them & never will be.
Author BlueHarvest Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 Seems like the fact she declined two of your invitations to do something outside of work would be a pretty solid way to gauge interest to me. Not really....I said "Hey there is an <event> going on tonight, you should check it out." Her response. "My friend <name> is off tonight, we're going to go to this new Thai restaurant. It's so hard to hang out with her because her shift is always changing as a nurse." The other event was mentioned just in passing about her being new to the area. "You ever been to <place>?, if you and your friend ever want an unofficial tour let me know". Granted I should have maybe put that in there as my cited examples, but then again you shouldn't assume as much either. Well, you've asked her to do a few things already and she told you she had other plans. If she was interested she probably would've offered an alternate date to hang out. Adding her as a "friend" on FB at this point would either make you look needy or give you a one way ticket to the friendzone. You've made yourself available, it's time to back off a bit. She knows you're interested and if she reappears it will be for the right reasons. They weren't solid plans, just mentioned in passing at lunch. See above. And she was the one who said to look her up on FB. I found her, but I've been hesitant about adding her. Again, more thought process into posts...less assuming. When it comes to work i come in contact with dozens of hot women all day. They all flirt to some degree & I just do my job. I will not initiate with women from work. I've found, if their truely interested they will come to me. There are a lot of guys here with reputations for going after chicks at happy hour & such. I'm not one of them & never will be. Good for you?
DustySaltus Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Whenever a girl says "look me up on facebook" it's not a good sign. She knows your interested at this point, there's nothing else you can do. More than likely she is not. So you just move on to the next one. Also as Phineas said, it's not a good idea to mix business with pleasure.
TaraMaiden Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Blue: you asked, how to gauge her interest, Others have told you - with everything you've done so far, and as responsive as she's been, there's your gauge right there. So we say "there you go" and you say "I don't believe it's so." I'm a woman. I've had guys interested in me. I've been asked out. I've made similar excuses/given similar reasons to the ones she's made/given you. And yes. I'm in complete agreement. look me up on FB is "Well, we can be friends if you want, but let's just keep it superficial". That's akin to "Can I have your number?" "Oh yeah, it's in the phone book...." "Well, what's your name?" "Oh yeah, that's in the book as well...." How to gauge her interest? After all this, you need telling?
DustySaltus Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 You'll forgive me if I completely ignore your inane "advice". Your basing your assumptions off of almost pure speculation. And what "next one". That right there leads me to believe that you have no idea what it means to befriend someone. Do I like this girl? Yes. But to me building a lasting foundation of friendship is the basis of all truly good relationships. Now, if you don't agree with that fine. But don't come in here telling me I should move onto the "next one" when besides the fact that I think she's cute, I would rather befriend her first and get to know her. Unlike most guys in my age group, I like to know the girls I get with...not just look for the next hole with two legs. And if you couldn't tell from the tone of my post, don't respond Dusty, because your "advice" will fall on deaf ears. I get so very tired of your "posting type" on forums...Full of assumptions and misconceptions, without any real advice. This is further proven by my point of my title being "How to gauge her interest". My question wasn't "Is she interested", which un-suprisingly enough, you and the other 2 posters answered it that way. Just goes to show you that some people don't read threads (like you), they just like hearing themselves "talk". Ok, here's some advice. Man up, go up to her in the lunchroom instead of staring at her ring from half way across the room and ask her if she would like to go have a cup of coffee or a drink after work. Oh wait a second: I have tentatively invited her to do 2 things so far. Very casually in passing, like at lunch. And she has stated that she has other plans. SO WHAT OTHER ADVICE CAN POSSIBLY BE GIVEN TO YOU? No one is trying to be negative, we're being honest. You're in complete denial.
TaraMaiden Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 (edited) Go up to her and ask her out! How difficult is that? That will soon tell you what her interest is, won't it? She's signalling "no thanks" and you're thinking "Hmmmm. From what I can tell, I think I'm still in with a chance......" Edited April 28, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
northstar1 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Add her to FB. leave it a few days. Send her a note, Tell her you have tickets to something (find tickets to something) and if she is interested in going. Make it seem casual. If she says yes, good.l If she says no, but doesn't offer up the idea of maybe plans another day, she's likely not interested in anything.
carhill Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 IME, the clearest way to gauge a lady's interest is the enthusiasm with which she accepts a gentleman's invitation for a date. If negative or nebulous, incompatible. Think of it that way. It's not that she's saying 'no', it's that she's incompatible for dating. You didn't know that prior. Now you do. Knowledge is power
DustySaltus Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 So you're basically asking how to gauge an interest level in someone that isn't interested in you? You get to know them. She won't even give you the opportunity to gauge it. It's got to be a sign....
TaraMaiden Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Blue, look, I'm sorry. but really, even with what we've written, we all really did genuinely try to set out to help you with this. I know making moves and trying to understand messages is difficult, but generally, ladies like guys who are laid-back, confident, have a good sense of humour, are honest, and can hold a decent conversation. women hate guys who appear to have no confidence, are hesitant and seem wishy-washy. They hate players and hate liars. So, providing you stick to the first description, and keep well away from the second one, I figure you're as in with a chance as any other smart confident guy. Go to it, Tiger!
Pfiend101 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Its like dumb and dumber. SO YOUR SAYIN THERES A CHANCE? Ok all kidding aside. The way to gauge a woman's interest is by asking her out on a date. Her answer will tell you the truth.
Bejita463 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Granted I should have maybe put that in there as my cited examples, but then again you shouldn't assume as much either. My opinion hasn't changed. I'll keep your attitude in mind next time I consider offering you my opinion on anything though.
phineas Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 about 8 yrs ago a woman from work pursued me hard. Then tried using me as a her personal ATM machine. I found out she was doing the same thing to another guy at work at the same time & had done it to other men in the past. I confronted her & told her to basically F-off. I stopped contacting her outside of work. But since I ocassionaly maintained her system I had to deal with her. I honestly could of cared less & did my job. she called my cell constantly & left messages. Then turned around & told her manager I made her feel uncomfortable & that she thought I was stalking her. I showed her manager my cell phone bill & all the calls from HER. I let her listen to all the VM's of her asking me to hang out. I showed her manager what she did to her computer on purpose to break it in order to force me to be in her cube. end result? She was slapped with a reprimand. they had to assign someone else to be her tech person. Strangely she had very little computer issues after that. They eventually fired her because they caught her snooping in payroll records. She was looking for her next suger daddy. That experiance has left me VERY cautious when it comes to women at work. Stragnely though my company does not discourage workplace romances at all. They just discourage dateing someone in your department.
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