Should I cheat or break up with my bf?

[dorothy87]

So I've been dating my boyfriend for over 4 years and we have a 3 year old son. I'm 22 and he's 26. I met him when I was 18 and I only had about 2 other boyfriends whom I both dated for only a couple of months. My current boyfriend is a wonderful partner and father. He treats we extremely well and he would do anything for me and my son. Right now I just feel like we're in a rut. I honestly think I may be falling out of love with him. We have a nearly perfect relationship, we don't fight much, we let each other hang out with our friends whenever we want. But I feel like either there's something missing or we are just in this extreme comfort zone and I hate it. I have almost broken up with him a couple months ago when I blurted out how I've been unhappy, but when he asked me why, I didn't have anything to say. There's no exact reason as to why I feel like I want to break up with him, he hasn't done anything wrong, it's just this feeling of not wanting to be with him.

 

My problem right now is I recently met this guy. He's the roommate of another guy my friend started dating. He's exactly my type. I didn't start hanging out with him with the intention of trying to get with him, but I have really started liking him. Nothing has happened passed dancing with him at a club. But I am seriously considering hooking up with him if he puts a move on me. A year ago I would never have even considered cheating on my boyfriend but I feel like im in this situation that I'm stuck in. I don't want to just break up with him because he's a perfect boyfriend. But I'm thinking maybe if I cheat on him, it'll help me realize whether or not I want to make my relationship work or if I should just end it.

 

My boyfriend is also much older than me and had many serious girlfriends. I feel like i started out so young with him and just got tied down because of our son. What should I do?

[confused and broken]

Before you make any rash decisions that could have a huge impact on your life and the life of your son... Go and get some counseling!! Honestly it sounds like this isn't a relationship you want to screw up, but you must have some issues that you may or may not be able to work through. I think you owe this relationship a little effort. I guarantee that if you cheat on him it will end your relationship maybe slowly but definitely surely

[TaraMaiden]

Your BF is not "much older" than you. 4 years is nothing, believe me. 17 years, I could understand, but heck, this is nothing.

 

You're problem is that you are probably feeling bored, unappreciated, unglamorous and distinctly neglected.

you have a three-year-old and I know that an interesting and in-depth discussion on the state of the economy, or whether really it would be best to invest in a good outfit once, or several cheaper clothes several times, is not something you do frequently. You can only watch re-runs of Barney and Sesame Street so many times before you go insane...

this 'new guy' is a diversion. he's interesting, good looking and right now he's pressing all the right buttons.

But you have a commitment and a three-year-old son that will definitely complicate anything you should chose to do. And that's putting it mildly.

You need to sit your BF down and open your heart to him.

The big problem is, that even though you might think he's 'much older' than you, frankly, he's also very young, and not psychic. he may know you're unhappy, but he won't have a clue as to why. You're going to have to tell him, because otherwise, this is going to become the elephant in the room for you guys.

 

You need to communicate, and talk with one another.

Not 'To', not 'At'. WITH.

And yes, that could well mean counselling.

 

You both got into this way too early.

Neither of you have had a chance to live and let your hair down.

neither of you had the chance to get a bit of 'Life experience' under your belts.

And now, here you are. Together, and with a kid.

 

Now, although it would be an attractive option to turn the clock back, it's not going to happen, because it can't be done.

And trying to metaphorically turn the clock back by living a little now, and letting your hair down, is frankly, brainless, really, isn't it?

 

No.

You had a child with this guy.

You now both have responsibilities to step up to the plate and be mature about this.

 

Listen to me: I'm not saying that you two SHOULD stay together.

It might well be, that in time, the better option for you both would be to go your separate ways, because the exciting flame of youthful love is a difficult one to keep burning.

But you have a responsibility to your child - as has he - to try to work something out sensibly, logically and in a mature way.

So yes, be open with him. tell him your fears, your frustration and your unhappiness. but make it constructive, not destructive.

And make it resonate so that he realises this is big.

And that you both need to work on it.

Wherever it might take you.

 

Good luck.

be well.

[ComeUndone]

Cheating is only going to further complicate your situation. I think this:

 

I'm thinking maybe if I cheat on him, it'll help me realize whether or not I want to make my relationship work or if I should just end it...

 

is a total copout. That's your way of justifying it, but cheating is never the answer. You need to open up to your bf and share your feelings of unhappiness & dissatisfaction with him. He can't help fix what he is unaware of. You need to take ownership of your responsibility in this relationship and do what you can to either repair it or leave it.. you owe him at least that much.

[FryFish]

But I'm thinking maybe if I cheat on him, it'll help me realize whether or not I want to make my relationship work or if I should just end it.

That is disgusting... You need to break up with your boyfriend. He deserves better than you.

[benB]

You have already cheated on him emotionally, that's really sad, he probably thinks you guys are doing good, and here you are thinking about cheating on him. Just terrible.

[CarrieT]

Dorothy, no reasonable person is ever going to recommend you cheat on a significant other. And by laying out rationale on why you wish to do so is YOU laying the ground work for believing that you have already checked out of the relationship.

 

Do the father of your child the HONOR of being honest with him if you are serious about going that route. No one has ever benefited in a cheating relationship; not those who do cheat or those who are cheated on. It does nothing but hurt everyone and why would you want to cause pain to the father of your child?

 

Eventually, your child will know what happened to his/her parents. And isn't it better to teach your child honor and honesty from the get-go, instead of cheating and deceit? Think about the big picture before you do something you will regret later on in life.

[Phateless]

So I've been dating my boyfriend for over 4 years and we have a 3 year old son. I'm 22 and he's 26. I met him when I was 18 and I only had about 2 other boyfriends whom I both dated for only a couple of months. My current boyfriend is a wonderful partner and father. He treats we extremely well and he would do anything for me and my son. Right now I just feel like we're in a rut. I honestly think I may be falling out of love with him. We have a nearly perfect relationship, we don't fight much, we let each other hang out with our friends whenever we want. But I feel like either there's something missing or we are just in this extreme comfort zone and I hate it. I have almost broken up with him a couple months ago when I blurted out how I've been unhappy, but when he asked me why, I didn't have anything to say. There's no exact reason as to why I feel like I want to break up with him, he hasn't done anything wrong, it's just this feeling of not wanting to be with him.

 

My problem right now is I recently met this guy. He's the roommate of another guy my friend started dating. He's exactly my type. I didn't start hanging out with him with the intention of trying to get with him, but I have really started liking him. Nothing has happened passed dancing with him at a club. But I am seriously considering hooking up with him if he puts a move on me. A year ago I would never have even considered cheating on my boyfriend but I feel like im in this situation that I'm stuck in. I don't want to just break up with him because he's a perfect boyfriend. But I'm thinking maybe if I cheat on him, it'll help me realize whether or not I want to make my relationship work or if I should just end it.

 

My boyfriend is also much older than me and had many serious girlfriends. I feel like i started out so young with him and just got tied down because of our son. What should I do?

 

Don't do it. You will regret it INSTANTLY and find yourself begging the universe to let you take it back.

 

On the flip-side, I think you will learn something about yourself from the experience, but it will most likely cost you your relationship.

 

Does the guy in question know you have a bf?

[Dexter Morgan]

you are asking us if you should cheat or break up with your bf?

 

You really have to ask this question? Like anyone worth a crap is going to tell you to cheat.

 

Break up with your bf whether you hook up with this other guy or not. Set him free.

[jnj express]

Sounds like you are not mature enuff to handle a serious relationship, problem is you have a child, and you do have serious responsibilities.

 

As has already been said---either have serious discussions with your BF, about both your future, and the future of your child---or break up and then play around all you want

 

Please do not expose your child to a serious of single, or even married losers---cuz from what you are saying, it sounds like that is your future.

 

You still wanna sow your oats, you need to seriously figure out your future, and go from there.

 

Whatever you do, make it responsible, and stick by it.

[TaraMaiden]

Well, as often happens, the OP posts once than disappears....

 

Is it because they forget their password?

Is it because they don't like the advice?

Is it because they post on so many forums they forget to check?

Is it because they're looking for someone to give them the go-ahead?

 

or is it a sinister plot by Forum Mods to wheedle out the crabby members and see what mood we're in as we post?

Ya know.... a bait thread.....

 

Man, was I crabby yesterday......

[dorothy87]

Thanks for all the advice. I knew when I was writing that post that no one would actually tell me to cheat and that I was basically trying to justify cheating on my boyfriend. I've thought everything out many times.

 

I believe most of you think that I am only thinking about breaking up because of this new guy which is not so. I have been feeling like this for a long while. As I said before, I did try to break up with my boyfriend a couple months ago where I told him I was just feeling unhappy with him. I said that it didn't have anything to do with how he treats me, but just that I don't think we're meant to be together anymore. Of course he convinced me to stay and I thought maybe things would change, but now I just feel trapped in this relationship. He's such a great guy but I feel like I'm sacrificing my happiness to stay in this relationship. I know I have my son, but I think if I'm unhappy, I should end things earlier than later. I just don't know how to explain it well to him without saying that it's just how I feel, not anything he did.

 

I am not, and never have been a promiscuous girl. Before I even met my boyfriend I only dated a couple boys. I still go out with my girlfriends on the weekends and have had plenty of guys that are interested in me, but I'm not one to just hook up with someone. This guy that I have recently met is a truly nice guy. He hasn't made a move yet, I think we're just going with the flow. So for those that said I'm doing this just to date some guy and possibly a string of guys, I'm honestly not like that.

[CarrieT]

Then break up with your boyfriend.

 

You obviously got involved with someone way too early in life -- and had a child with him -- and are now learning what many of us have learned.

 

I did the same as you (without the child) of getting married very young and realizing I still had a lot of growing to do. Now, at 46, I would suggest to EVERY WOMAN to not get married until they are at least 30. Too much changes in one's psyche in that decade after high school and college and being here on this site, I can't tell you how many people come here with the exact same problem you are having.

 

Hurt your BF less now by ending your relationship and give yourself a few years of healing and growing before committing to anyone else.

[confused and broken]

Thanks for all the advice. I knew when I was writing that post that no one would actually tell me to cheat and that I was basically trying to justify cheating on my boyfriend. I've thought everything out many times.

 

I believe most of you think that I am only thinking about breaking up because of this new guy which is not so. I have been feeling like this for a long while. As I said before, I did try to break up with my boyfriend a couple months ago where I told him I was just feeling unhappy with him. I said that it didn't have anything to do with how he treats me, but just that I don't think we're meant to be together anymore. Of course he convinced me to stay and I thought maybe things would change, but now I just feel trapped in this relationship. He's such a great guy but I feel like I'm sacrificing my happiness to stay in this relationship. I know I have my son, but I think if I'm unhappy, I should end things earlier than later. I just don't know how to explain it well to him without saying that it's just how I feel, not anything he did.

 

I am not, and never have been a promiscuous girl. Before I even met my boyfriend I only dated a couple boys. I still go out with my girlfriends on the weekends and have had plenty of guys that are interested in me, but I'm not one to just hook up with someone. This guy that I have recently met is a truly nice guy. He hasn't made a move yet, I think we're just going with the flow. So for those that said I'm doing this just to date some guy and possibly a string of guys, I'm honestly not like that.

 

I stand my ground on this one no matter what get some counseling!

By the sounds of it you already have your mind made up so why bother even posting if you are not going to take anyone's advice??

[seibert253]

I think I have a way to solve this and know if breaking up with your BF is the right thing to do. If you didn't love him, you would be so torn about this decision, you would have already pulled the trigger.

 

When you have a time when the two of you are alone, with no distractions, tell your BF the two of you have to have a frank honest conversation about the direction of your relationship. Then do it. Be totally honest about EVERYTHING with your BF. Tell him about the staleness of your relationship, what your feeling, and (here's the big one), tell him about your feelings for the other guy.

 

At first he's gonna be hurt and angry, but later one of two things will occur. He will truely want to fix the relationship, and will work and stay focused on that, or he will do nothing and it will remain as is.

 

Then you have your answer, your decision will be what to do next.

1. Work to fix and reconnect, or

2. Cut bait

 

Good luck to you.

[Passion4Life]

Thanks for all the advice. I knew when I was writing that post that no one would actually tell me to cheat and that I was basically trying to justify cheating on my boyfriend. I've thought everything out many times.

 

I believe most of you think that I am only thinking about breaking up because of this new guy which is not so. I have been feeling like this for a long while. As I said before, I did try to break up with my boyfriend a couple months ago where I told him I was just feeling unhappy with him. I said that it didn't have anything to do with how he treats me, but just that I don't think we're meant to be together anymore. Of course he convinced me to stay and I thought maybe things would change, but now I just feel trapped in this relationship. He's such a great guy but I feel like I'm sacrificing my happiness to stay in this relationship. I know I have my son, but I think if I'm unhappy, I should end things earlier than later. I just don't know how to explain it well to him without saying that it's just how I feel, not anything he did.

 

I am not, and never have been a promiscuous girl. Before I even met my boyfriend I only dated a couple boys. I still go out with my girlfriends on the weekends and have had plenty of guys that are interested in me, but I'm not one to just hook up with someone. This guy that I have recently met is a truly nice guy. He hasn't made a move yet, I think we're just going with the flow. So for those that said I'm doing this just to date some guy and possibly a string of guys, I'm honestly not like that.

 

what it so hard for you to explain to your bf that you fell out of love with him and dont want to be with him ?

Pls dont start the crap that you dont want to hurt him ....

 

you asked " should I cheat ore break up ?"

answer is break up right now .

 

Once you are free , hook up with as many guys you want , no one will have any problem .

 

Best of luck

[Dexter Morgan]

Thanks for all the advice. I knew when I was writing that post that no one would actually tell me to cheat and that I was basically trying to justify cheating on my boyfriend. I've thought everything out many times.

 

then break up with him already and quit wasting his time.

 

 

I believe most of you think that I am only thinking about breaking up because of this new guy which is not so. I have been feeling like this for a long while.

 

then get it over with. quit dangling your "bf" on a string.

 

 

He's such a great guy

 

all the more reason to break up. he deserves a great girl.

 

 

This guy that I have recently met is a truly nice guy.

 

if he knows you have a bf, then he aint that nice. probably a player in disguise.

[lino]

My current boyfriend is a wonderful partner and father. He treats we extremely well and he would do anything for me and my son.

 

Wow so this is the reward a guy gets for being a top bloke to his girl.

[dorothy87]

Just wanted everyone to know what I talked to my boyfriend and I decided to break up with him. He's still having a hard time accepting it, but I think in the end, I made the right decision.

 

And no, I still have not done anything with the other guy. Like I said before, I wasn't expecting anyone to tell me that I should cheat on him, I guess I just kinda came up with that title. I'm not a cheater, never have been. Also, while I have broken up with him, I still do not plan on moving on with that guy. I think a little alone time without any distractions from any guys would do me good.

[TaraMaiden]

That's a good, healthy, self-preserving and mature attitude.

I admire your decision, and I wish you well.

Know, really form the bottom of my heart at least, that you have done things precisely as you should, and i think that's quite rare, in this day and age.

Take care.

TM.

[Spectre]

So, you're basically asking "Should I be a whore, or should I not be a whore?"

 

It boggles the mind you have to ask other people on what you should do in this situation.