Are men good at reading signs?

[Engadget]

It's called 'flirting'. Buy a book and read about it, or just watch the women who are constantly surrounded my men -- most of them are masters (mistresses?) of it.

 

Except when flirting is meant in a friendly way, and not in an "I'm attracted to you" way.

[norajane]

It's called 'flirting'. Buy a book and read about it, or just watch the women who are constantly surrounded my men -- most of them are masters (mistresses?) of it.

 

I don't need a book, and have no problem flirting.

 

I was curious what YOU thought those unequivocal signs were, since there's a whole thread of guys responding saying they can't read signals.

[Phateless]

I don't need a book, and have no problem flirting.

 

I was curious what YOU thought those unequivocal signs were, since there's a whole thread of guys responding saying they can't read signals.

 

I JUST posted this is another thread.

 

I think she likes you. More importantly, what does her body language say when you are together?

 

Does she look deep in your eyes and hold eye contact?

Does she play with her hair when you're around?

Does she touch your arm when she laughs or when talking to you?

Does she laugh at your jokes when they really aren't THAT funny?

Does she stand close to you?

Is her body turned toward you?

Are her pupils dilated?

 

Do some googling on "body language cues that she likes you."

 

If the answer to at least 3 is yes, she is ready for you to kiss her. Seriously. It only takes 3 "signs."

 

When you are on your hike, find ways to touch her and flirt. Grabbing her hand to help her or lead her through difficult terrain or helping her in/out of the car can be good. Put your hand on the small of her back as you lead her somewhere. Make sure you hug her hello and goodbye at the very least. High fives are silly and fun and another good way to build touching.

 

This is a day-date so date don't feel like you have to kiss her today, but build your chemistry, get to know her, and look for those signs!

[phineas]

So what are these clear and unequivocal signs of interest that a good guy will understand?

 

Ask him if he wants to get a beer & pick a day when you do it.

Just the two of you.

No friends.

No group thing.

 

That works EVERY TIME for me.

[norajane]

Ask him if he wants to get a beer & pick a day when you do it.

Just the two of you.

No friends.

No group thing.

 

That works EVERY TIME for me.

 

So the "sign" is to ask you out? Interesting. To me, that's more than a sign. That's a date.

[EasyHeart]

I've never tried to make a list of what makes me think women are interested, and I doubt I could.

 

I think some of the problems with this issue of reading signs are:

 

1. Some women THINK they are good at reading signs, but they really aren't. You're good at it if: (1) men who interest you respond by pursuing you; and (2) men who don't interest you never pursue you.

2. Some women don't flirt at all, and then wonder why guys never pay attention to them.

3. Some women flirt with pretty much every guy, because they like the attention. But then these same women get offended/insulted when the guys respond with interest. (And the guys come here to post and say "But she seemed to like me. . . .") Those women are properly called 'teases'.

4. Plus, there are guys out there who are completely clueless. I don't deny that!!!

 

And don't even get me started on women who think men are supposed to read their minds AFTER they're dating. Aaaargh!!!!

[Philetus]

So my girl friend and I were discussing this today - how oblivious many guys are to hints that we like them. I wanted to ask LS for your opinions. Are men really that oblivious? Obviously this is a generalization, and some men will be more sensitive to these hints than others, but how much more so? What generally lets you know that a woman likes you, aside from her actually telling you?

 

I myself tend to be subtle with guys. Only recently have I started becoming more forward (well, forward for me anyway, haha), but I wonder if I still need to be less subtle.

 

I'm pretty good at it but I don't think most men are.

 

My date and I were at a bar a couple weeks ago and were watching this couple that had just met. The woman was doing EVERYTHING to let this guy know she was into him.

 

They were sitting across from each other at a table. She was leaning in, reaching out and touching his hand, leaving her hand forward on the table so he could reciprocate, maintaining eye contact, touching her hair, smiling warmly - everything.

 

He remained passive and after 10 minutes she got fed up and walked away. The guy sat there dejected, obviously not understanding what had just happened, why she walked away. In his mind, everything was going well but she wanted him to be aggressive (the good kind of aggressive).

 

They could have totally hooked up but she wasn't going to SAY it, although she did say it, just not with her voice.

 

What do I look for? Eye contact is the biggie. If they hold my eye contact and smile, that tells me a lot. Reaching their hand out towards me, allowing me to touch their hand/arm. Standing just a little closer than normal, leaning in, open body position (facing me full on). Those are physical cues.

 

There are also topics of conversation that come up that I look for. An obvious one is any kind of compliment paid towards me. I also find when women talk to me about general relationship stuff, they like me.

 

Obvious signs women are not into me - checking the time on their watch, talking about tomorrow, and/or how early they have to get up, not maintaining eye contact, closed body, folding their arms across their chest, turning away, difficulty maintaining a conversation, unsmiling....

[stillafool]

Are men really that oblivious? Obviously this is a generalization, and some men will be more sensitive to these hints than others, but how much more so?

 

 

I don't know. When I was dating I was always the one who seemed oblivious.

[Engadget]

I'm pretty good at it but I don't think most men are.

 

My date and I were at a bar a couple weeks ago and were watching this couple that had just met. The woman was doing EVERYTHING to let this guy know she was into him.

 

They were sitting across from each other at a table. She was leaning in, reaching out and touching his hand, leaving her hand forward on the table so he could reciprocate, maintaining eye contact, touching her hair, smiling warmly - everything.

 

He remained passive and after 10 minutes she got fed up and walked away. The guy sat there dejected, obviously not understanding what had just happened, why she walked away. In his mind, everything was going well but she wanted him to be aggressive (the good kind of aggressive).

 

They could have totally hooked up but she wasn't going to SAY it, although she did say it, just not with her voice.

 

What do I look for? Eye contact is the biggie. If they hold my eye contact and smile, that tells me a lot. Reaching their hand out towards me, allowing me to touch their hand/arm. Standing just a little closer than normal, leaning in, open body position (facing me full on). Those are physical cues.

 

There are also topics of conversation that come up that I look for. An obvious one is any kind of compliment paid towards me. I also find when women talk to me about general relationship stuff, they like me.

 

Obvious signs women are not into me - checking the time on their watch, talking about tomorrow, and/or how early they have to get up, not maintaining eye contact, closed body, folding their arms across their chest, turning away, difficulty maintaining a conversation, unsmiling....

 

Yeah those signs you saw in the couple are blatantly obvious to me, where it gets confusing is when women try not to do that and hold back for one reason or another.

 

For example a girl with a boyfriend pretty much did all the things you saw that woman do, to me the other night. Leaning on me, smiling, giggling, rubbing her leg against me, and the eye contact...wow. She wouldn't BREAK eye contact to the point where I was confused by it.

[carhill]

For example a girl with a boyfriend pretty much did all the things you saw that woman do, to me the other night. Leaning on me, smiling, giggling, rubbing her leg against me, and the eye contact...wow. She wouldn't BREAK eye contact to the point where I was confused by it.

 

I was going to post some examples but this about covers them. Absent my now stbx, I can't recall one woman in my memory who flirted with me in any meaningful and/or recognizable way, who didn't turn out to be married or otherwise attached. Thankfully, in most cases, I'm aware of this fact so can handle it in a healthy way.

 

I watch men around me and the common denominator I've noticed is that, mostly, they hit on any woman who is remotely attractive to them and doesn't make it obvious that they should stay away, like brandishing a revolver in their direction. They don't bother with 'signs', rather just plow right in. I think the key mindset is that they don't care, whether about the woman or what they're doing in general, so 'signs' mean nothing to them. So, to answer the OP, *most* men are not good at reading signs and, generally, simply don't care.

 

Up to you to decide which type of man is for you. Good luck

[phineas]

So the "sign" is to ask you out? Interesting. To me, that's more than a sign. That's a date.

 

Why do you flirt with a man?

[carhill]

So he will ask her out on a date?

 

Or, IME, so she can get interest which results in an ego boost that she can then chatter about with her girlfriends (including those whose penises are not recognized)

[sumdude]

Two part answer.

 

NO, oblivious.. neon sign and baseball bats are sometimes required to get through to me if you're the subtle type.

 

YES, when you're being too obvious I start to think you just enjoy the attention. I know too many women who are incorrigible flirts and then wonder why men get bent out of shape when it becomes clear they weren't really interested and just being attention whores.

 

It's like a no win scenario to me. If a woman is too outrageous I doubt her intentions. If she is too subtle I don't notice. There's such a thing as language, I suggest people use it.

[RobM]

Or when "I'm fine" always means "Something is really wrong and you need to figure it out without me telling you"

 

This is so true, I've learned that word "fine" in almost any situation never means what it's supposed to.

 

In response to a question like "is it ok if we..." or "would you like to ...."

 

"fine" doesn't mean yes, it means "you bastard, you're gonna force me to do this even though if you really loved me you'd know I want to do something else but I'm going to be the bigger person and agree it but I'm going to make you pay for it later".

 

of course we guys hear "fine" and think the answer is "oh yes, I'd love to".

[phineas]

So he will ask her out on a date?

 

Or, IME, so she can get interest which results in an ego boost that she can then chatter about with her girlfriends (including those whose penises are not recognized)

 

and if he's oblivious?

If her intended result for flirting is a date, just ask the guy out.

 

my experiance is if a woman is flirting hard with me she is just looking for an ego boost because a woman who flirts boldly is also a woman that will ask a man out.

[norajane]

Why do you flirt with a man?

 

To show interest, or to reciprocate interest.

[Peaceful Guy]

So my girl friend and I were discussing this today - how oblivious many guys are to hints that we like them. I wanted to ask LS for your opinions. Are men really that oblivious? Obviously this is a generalization, and some men will be more sensitive to these hints than others, but how much more so? What generally lets you know that a woman likes you, aside from her actually telling you?

 

I myself tend to be subtle with guys. Only recently have I started becoming more forward (well, forward for me anyway, haha), but I wonder if I still need to be less subtle.

 

im clueless.. sometimes i figure stuff out HOURS after its happened.. realizing that the girl went from signals, to pure frustration.. but, i wasn't being distant or anything.. i think for the most part, if a guy is attracted to you (physically/personality).. just spending time with him will make it pretty obvious.. i don't know what this means, or that means.. its all too coded and complicated.. if you want to spend time with me.. spend time with me.. talk to me.. smile at me while im talking.. its much prettier than standing some goofy way, or NOT standing some way.. i dunno.. like i said, im clueless! :laugh:

[Engadget]

Women: If you want to make it obvious (to some) touching is a big one. Like putting your hand on ours. Touching our hair, etc.

 

Unless you're a good friend with no intimacy, then obviously that may seem normal. I touch women I like personally.

[Peaceful Guy]

"i just don't know how to get through to him! i mean, i brushed his arm with my hand, flipped my hair, scrunched my nose, and then flipped my hair again! god this guy's dense..!"

[Lakeside_runner]

I AM TERRIBLE at reading signs!!! Big time!

 

I can't differentiate if a girl is just friendly or possibly interested. I don't want to come off as a guy that hits on everything that gave him a smile so I usually refrain from any actions.

 

Example 1: Cute girl showed up for a run with our running group. We had a nice conversation - I am genuinely interested in meeting new people so talking is not a problem. She didn't show up for runs a couple of times i.e. we had no contact for 2-3 weeks. Suddenly out of the blue she posts today a greeting on my profile (meetup.com) saying that she hopes my injuries have healed and that she hopes to see me on a run soon. Um... I'm confused - is it her just being friendly or what?

 

Example 2: Cute girl showed up for a run with our running group. Again - nice conversation, she asked a lot of questions about me, seemed wanting to know who I am and what I do etc. We saw each other on another run and she actually remembered me. Again - I'd love to ask her if she wants to meet up for coffee sometime outside of the running setting but can't gauge if she's interested or not...

 

[phineas]

To show interest, or to reciprocate interest.

 

Why not just be clear on your intentions & just ask him out?

 

as i've pointed out, if your subtle I wont get it.

If your bold, i'll assume tease. (and almost always correct)

[Engadget]

"i just don't know how to get through to him! i mean, i brushed his arm with my hand, flipped my hair, scrunched my nose, and then flipped my hair again! god this guy's dense..!"

 

Yeah women use body language a LOT, you gotta be able to pick up on it.

[norajane]

Why not just be clear on your intentions & just ask him out?

 

as i've pointed out, if your subtle I wont get it.

If your bold, i'll assume tease. (and almost always correct)

 

I've asked guys out in the past, and in my experience, if they're not interested enough in me to ask me out, they're not interested enough for anything good to come of it.

 

If I've given them the opening and they don't take it, they're not particularly interested and me asking them out isn't going to make them any more interested. Most guys will ask a woman out if she is paying attention, smiling, talking, laughing, gives eye contact, small touches...but ONLY IF they are actually interested. If they don't ask, they usually have a reason - gf, or not interested.

 

If they need me to ask them out because they can't pick up on the opening or are too chicken to take it, we're probably not a good match anyway. Do I miss out on guys this way? Doubtful. In my experience, even the shyest and most clueless of guys will make a move at some point if he wants to go out with me.

[phineas]

I've asked guys out in the past, and in my experience, if they're not interested enough in me to ask me out, they're not interested enough for anything good to come of it.

 

If I've given them the opening and they don't take it, they're not particularly interested and me asking them out isn't going to make them any more interested. Most guys will ask a woman out if she is paying attention, smiling, talking, laughing, gives eye contact, small touches...but ONLY IF they are actually interested. If they don't ask, they usually have a reason - gf, or not interested.

 

If they need me to ask them out because they can't pick up on the opening or are too chicken to take it, we're probably not a good match anyway. Do I miss out on guys this way? Doubtful. In my experience, even the shyest and most clueless of guys will make a move at some point if he wants to go out with me.

 

Ok.

I see where you are coming from.

 

but 9 times out of 10 i've had women do the paying attention, smiling, talking, laughing, gives eye contact, small touches & not be interested or turn me down when I ask them out.

[tincanman99]

I am horrible at it and almost every guy I know is horrible at it. Most including myself would not pick them up if she hit you with a bat. I gave up quite some ago and just assume that they are being friendly or messing with me. I dont read anything into anything they do or say.

 

I bought a book last summer on a whim at the book store called "Undercover Sex Signals: A Pick Up Guide For Guys". It was written by a woman and she shows visually what women do. Even she wrote that most men are totally oblivious to it. It opened my eyes and I need to read it again.

 

I was not picking up like 99% of what women do. Totally brain dead.