As a man of sound mind and judgement, am I being sensible?

[Gabriel]

Am I being sensible denying this woman a 2nd chance?

I'm 44, she is 48. I've kown her MANY years since she is friends with my cousins wife. Only about 2 yrs ago we had an intimate bf/gf relationship that lasted a year.

 

I thought the relationship was great since her and I both played in different bands and had music in common. Also I was fond of how mature she "seemingly" acted.

 

One thing that always bothered me was that she was ALWAYS depressed about her fathers death and that she had 3 back surgeries and was always in pain. I excused the pain issue and did all I could to accomodate her because that wasn't her fault. Neither was her fathers death. But still I tried to help her with her depression.

 

Anyway, what really bothered me was she would just up and disappear for sometimes 2 WEEKS or more! No visit, no call, no text message, nothing. When she finally come back around she said she was depressed thinking about her dad and didn't want to bore anyone with her depression.

 

Her daughter moved 1600 miles away for work and her and I decided to move to the same city as her daughter just to get away from this town and be together since we both had our own houses here.

 

I sold a GREAT DEAL of my belongings so we would have enough cash to make the move and get by until I found work. I even sold a VERY dear possession I normally wouldn't dream of selling, but hey, it was for "US".

 

Just as I was about to start selling more things she pulls the disappearing act again. WTF?? When I finally get ahold of her she tells me she is getting back with her ex husband. She said, "Yes The one with the severe drinking problem that beat me and locked me in a closet and left me stranded on vacation in Mexico"!

 

I was like HUH???????? So she convinced me that she was sure thats what she wanted. I could have EASILY gone ballistic verbally and emotionally on her but I kept my calm and approached it logically.

 

When I asked her if she was SURE this is what she wanted she said "I don't know".

 

So I told her that I do NOT do ex's and that she better be damn sure this is what she wants because if he didn't quit drinking and hasn't changed like he said then I could not make any promises I would be available and if I was available that I would even want to take her back.

 

She replied with "That's a chance I'll have to take."

 

So I let her go about her merry way. I was REALLY upset about it but I bottled it in until it passed. She actually had me thinking I must have been a bad guy for her to leave a mild mannered guy like myself for a damn drunk abuser.

 

Now it's been a year since she left me for "him". Problem for her is I GOT OVER IT. Now she's all upset that he didn't change, he hasn't stopped drinking and he told her that he just wanted to see if he could break us up. Like it was some kind of challenge for this jacka$$ because he's old fat and grey and I'm a damn decent looking guy for his 40's.

 

So here we are, she is SOOOOOOOoooo sorry she did that to me. She is soooo sorry she fell for his crap. She's sooooooo sorry and wants to make it up to me. She wants to prove to me that I am the only one for her and she for I. She wants to go back to the old happy "us" (which now that I look back I wasn't happy with her constant depression).

NOW she wants a 2nd chance.

 

It felt GOOD to tell her "Sorry I told you that I don't do ex's, but you OBVIOUSLY do. That's why you're in this predicament."

 

I would like to remind you that this is just MY side of the story. SHE claims I had a communication problem. That I didn't hug her enough. That I didn't approach her for sex enough,etc.

 

I say thats TRUE. I actually had to be VERY careful with her due to her 3 back surgeries. She constantly walked around in pain. Why would a considerate man want to selfishly demand sex, etc knowing it would cause severe pain? That's not me but it made her feel undesireable I guess.

 

BUT, None of those points were brought to my attention BEFORE she left me for him. We could have worked that out I'm sure.

 

So now I have little(NO) faith in HER communication skills as she didn't mine. BUT I NEVER would have cheated or left her for another without trying to work it out first.

 

Now that it's a year later, I'm over what she did. I forgave her but as lonely as I've been lately I feel better off waiting for "The one".

 

I know if I would take her back the very next time she pulled a disappearing act I would automatically assume she was with him again.

I don't feel like putting myself in front of that truck again!

Am I being sensible?

[norajane]

Back away from the crazy. She's a nutjob, and if this doesn't tell you so, nothing will:

 

When I finally get ahold of her she tells me she is getting back with her ex husband. She said, "Yes The one with the severe drinking problem that beat me and locked me in a closet and left me stranded on vacation in Mexico"!

She's STILL that same nutjob.

 

Do you really want to be the dumbass who gets back together with an ex that screwed him over in order to go back to her ex-dumbass? How does that make you any more sensible than she?

 

So yes, stay away from her. Lonely is no reason to invite the crazy back into your life.

Edited April 28, 2010 by norajane

[Gabriel]

Thanks Nora!

I forgot to mention that midway through the relationship I dished out some hard earned money on a weekend cabin 8 hrs away in the Smokies. During the trip I got a text message from a female friend from high school who is happily married with kids and we recently made accuaintances again. We talked about old friends and stuff and texted each other a few times.

She just so happened to send me a text that night not knowing where I was inviting me to meet some of the old friends at a BW3's.

Crazy lady misinterpreted the text when she sneakingly read it behind my back.

So what's she do besides ask me what that was all about? She THROWS MY PHONE OVER THE MOUNTAIN! Not in front of me. She does it behind my back. As if I would think I just lost such an attached item.

 

To add insult to injury the next day I had her call my phone and she must have been laughing while she watched me climb all up and down the side of that mountain trying to hear it. I never found it but after we were through a friend of hers told me what she done.

 

And it was the same friend who told me that I didn't lose my high dollar camera either. She took it during the 2nd round of me listing my items on Craiglist for us to move away.

 

She figured if I couldn't take pictures then I couldn't sell the stuff and we wouldn't be able to move. Then my failure to acquire the money to move would have been the justification for her to go back to her ex.

 

IMAGINE a GROWN 48 yr old woman stealing my camera and taking it to her friends and telling her to hide it, rather than saying "Why don't we rethink this moving thing?"

[norajane]

Well, instead of focusing on her, think about why you even considered taking her back. Why you even spoke to her.

 

You took the time to write out a whole post about her, and then anther one, both filled with huge, red flags. Why wasn't this a no-brainer decision for you, when it should have been?

[Gabriel]

I do see the redflags. I plan on staying away from her and not answering anymore texts.

I guess the reason I'm posting is I am blessed to have 2 grandmothers left at my age. She has been contacting my grandmother I am close to trying to worm her way back in. She even bought my grandmother an outfit off of QVC and mailed it to her!

Now my grandmother is questioning me why I won't take her back. I explained it all to her. I guess granny is more forgiving than I am. Lol

 

I'm a GROWN man and this dumbass has manipulated my grandmother to question my judgement/decision. As if she thinks if she can get such a highly respected family elder to question my decision I will question it myself.

And for a dumbass moment I did question it!!

I'm sticking to my decision.