bluryy Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I've read so much about NC, and that you have to stop being there in order for people to start missing you. Can anyone share to what extent should this NC be? How long? and whether it really helps in bringing our exes back?
fooled once Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 As I understand NC, it isn't to get someone back It is to get yourself together to either heal from a break up or to take time to step back and see if this is even a relationship you want to be in. Why do you think NO CONTACT is a game to get back an ex?
Eeyore79 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Yep, I agree - NC is not to bring someone back, it's to give yourself the space to heal, and to allow the other person to get on with their life. Sometimes a side effect of that space may be that the person misses you and wants you back, but it isn't guaranteed. By going NC you give yourself the best chance of being missed, and of the person wanting you back. But you can't expect NC to bring someone back to you, because in the majority of cases it won't happen.
northstar1 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Your ex coming back is a very very slim byproduct of NC. The purpose of NC is to heal. To distance your emotional bond to your ex. It prevents you from hanging on. It allows you to gain perspective and to move forward. If you are using NC as a tool to get back an ex, it rarely works and you'll be living in false hope. Will an ex miss you if you go NC and wonder if they made a mistake? Possibly, but in most cases no.
Author bluryy Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 why? but i heard it's the best way and almost the only way to get your ex back if they still care for this relationship? why is it that in most cases, its a no? We brought up with each other on an impulsive way. aren't it possible for both of us to be back again?
northstar1 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 why? but i heard it's the best way and almost the only way to get your ex back if they still care for this relationship? why is it that in most cases, its a no? We brought up with each other on an impulsive way. aren't it possible for both of us to be back again? Because in most cases they have made a decision to move on because in their mind, it wasn't working. And if the dumper was a woman, in most cases they've thought about this for a while and detached themselves by the time the breakup happens. Is NC the best way to get an ex back? Well, if they are having doubts, and you disappear out of their lives with dignity, then they may wonder what you are up to and regret their decision. But it's not the reason to go NC and if you are betting on it working that way, in most cases it will be a disappointment.
USMCHokie Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 why? but i heard it's the best way and almost the only way to get your ex back if they still care for this relationship? why is it that in most cases, its a no? We brought up with each other on an impulsive way. aren't it possible for both of us to be back again? Even if what you were saying is true, from reading your other threads, your ex doesn't care about your relationship anymore, so it's not even relevant. NC is for you to move on, not to manipulate your ex into coming back to you.
dan_the_man Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 NC is to give yourself time to heal and move on. I believe in hard NC, never contacting them again. If an ex wants to come back, then they will let you know of their intentions. However 90 - 95% of second chances do not work. But don't use NC as a way of getting your ex back, if anything it helps them move on to.
Author bluryy Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 aHH. this is your first post! honoured. well, frankly, why not? if they still care and they still love, i'm sure they will be willing to come back again right?
dan_the_man Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Yes if they realise they still love you and want you back, then yes they will make their intentions known. However that is not always the case, an ex can still love you and care for you, but just cannot be in a relationship with you. You need NC for yourself only, Time to heal and move on. Seriously in the end it will be worth it. I have just gone NC with my ex, its hard because we only just split, I want to talk to her, but I know there is no point. So I am sticking to NC to get over it and move on.
Author bluryy Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 yeah. moving on. but what if you moved on, and that affects her self esteem further? if she right at the start, felt that she just lack the thing for relationships? would you continue to move on? knowing that it will hurt her deeper down?
dan_the_man Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Yes I would continue to move on. When a relationship ends, your ex is not your problem anymore.
TaraMaiden Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Frankly? Really? Who cares? If you have been dumped, you've been dumped for a reason. That fundamental reason is that you are no longer worth the effort, and they're no longer into you. What about your self esteem? What about your dignity? What about your right to happiness? Happiness does not come from other people. Happiness is generated by who we are, by accepting who we are, and wanting the best we can get, now, as now is. No Contact is not meant, in any way shape or form, to influence your ex- to do anything about re-joining with you. NC is about healing one's self and moving on. Anything else is just ulteriorly-motivated baiting.
Author bluryy Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 No wait. my ex put this on her FB page, there's only so much a simple human heart can take, before something falls off the edge and you're left to pick up the pieces. HMMMM. does that say something?
TaraMaiden Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Yes. It says: there's only so much a simple human heart can take, before something falls off the edge and you're left to pick up the pieces. She dumped you, no? She took umbrage at something you Omitted to do. You tried to repair the damage, on several occasions. but Oooooh no. She wasn't havin' none o' that.... so? SHE IS THE AUTHOR OF HER OWN MISERY. What is she holding, a pity party? She instigated the break-up but is gaslighting and putting the blame on you. Little miss drama-rama. Big deal. If you don't want to have your heart broken, be careful how you handle the hearts of others.
ADF Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 You're totally missing the point of going NC. The reason people go NC is to stop the break up/make up/break up again cycle that can drag on for years and prevent them from forming new relationships. It isn't about getting an ex back. On the contrary, it is about leaving the ex FOR GOOD.
Author bluryy Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 Yes. It says: She dumped you, no? She took umbrage at something you Omitted to do. You tried to repair the damage, on several occasions. but Oooooh no. She wasn't havin' none o' that.... so? SHE IS THE AUTHOR OF HER OWN MISERY. What is she holding, a pity party? She instigated the break-up but is gaslighting and putting the blame on you. Little miss drama-rama. Big deal. If you don't want to have your heart broken, be careful how you handle the hearts of others. yes. so exactly what is she trying to say? i mean, she was the one who dump me. and now, from the way she's talking, it seemed like she's the victim?
lvixen Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 As others have said, NC is NOT to bring your ex back. IMO if your ex wants you back they'll let you know without you having to play any games. And that is exactly what NC to make your ex miss you is - A GAME! People say give it a month or so to make your ex miss you. You're hanging on to false hope for that month when you can begin to heal from day one of NC.
TaraMaiden Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 yes. so exactly what is she trying to say? i mean, she was the one who dump me. and now, from the way she's talking, it seemed like she's the victim? Exactly. She's gaslighting. She's the culprit, the one to blame, but it's so much easier to put it all on you. It makes her feel better, and makes you look the jerk. That is a comfort to her in her eyes, because the truth hurts her more. That she's a phukkup.
Author bluryy Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 But why the need for her to do this? Is she trying to make me bite on something? I mean, yes we have problems. we love each other. But right now she make it sound like she's the one picking up the pieces when in fact im the dumpee?
TaraMaiden Posted May 1, 2010 Posted May 1, 2010 You will never, ever, EVER have a satisfactory answer to this. I mean, really, how would we know? And if you know her better than we do, wouldn't you be in a better position to know? Actually - No. Because if you were to ask her what her game is, probably, she would lie, give you whatever kinds of reasons, but actually, not even be sure herself. The bottom line is, never ever try to second-guess what another person's motives are. You'll never be right, or even be close. The question in such situations, is never "what are they doing?" But "What do I do now?" And the answer is - Go complete and total No Contact.
Author bluryy Posted May 2, 2010 Author Posted May 2, 2010 okay guys, and we got back together. (: so she randomly texted me and said that she wanted to meet me, and when we met, we just smiled, and hug. what's the issue here? are we both immature in the way we handle this thing?
stillafool Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 I've read so much about NC, and that you have to stop being there in order for people to start missing you. Can anyone share to what extent should this NC be? How long? and whether it really helps in bringing our exes back? NC won't bring your ex back but it will help you to move on and that's it's purpose.
mmk1 Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Stillafool is correct. To state it a little differently, NC is not a way to bring an ex back but it is the only way that it will happen. Took me 5 long months of NC but my ex came back and things are better than ever. Spend NC time, though, working on yourself and making yourself happy. My case is the exception so don't bank on your ex coming back. Move on with your life and you will be in a better place later if your ex does come back in your life. Remember, the only person you can control is yourself.
CaliGuy Posted May 3, 2010 Posted May 3, 2010 I've read so much about NC, and that you have to stop being there in order for people to start missing you. Can anyone share to what extent should this NC be? How long? and whether it really helps in bringing our exes back? No. Never. EVER EVER. Read the links in my signature if you want to know what NC is all about.
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