Kandi0121 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I need alittle advice ......I ha ve been dating this man for 6 years. During this time, I have been suspecting he is an alcoholic. Now, he is functioning but he always has to have a drink. He even bought a case of beer to leave at my house for him. He spent the night and the next morning I found fodka hidden behind the bed. I do not drink, so none of this is for me. all of a sudden he is always angry, everything is my fault, over inflated ego. The sex is good, but there are problems sometimes. He sometimes gets tremors when he is not able to get to the alcohol. Recently he said he was willing to spend the rest of his life with me but he wanted me to be honest. He accused me of having a sex change operation. He would not believe me when I told him I have never even had an operation. Nothing about me looks like a man. I was so hurt..... To prove his point, he wanted me to let some strange person take my blood. I said hell no and thought this was definitely crazy. Now, he will not communicate with me at all. He acts like I have done something to him. I tried to call him once but he will not answer his phone. I can't understand why he is demonstrating so much anger towards me. I'm pretty strong and will not beg him for his friendship. Im just having difficulty understanding what I did wrong. Maybe, I did not do anything.
sadintexas Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 IME, if his drinking is bad enough that he has to hide vodka behind the bed, you are best to let this one go. You can NEVER love an alocoholic out of alcoholism. You have to love an alcoholic in spite of the alcoholism. What you see is what you get (except when it gets worse), and you can expect this for the rest of your life if you choose to spend it with him. Not that he can't change, but if he does it will have to be because he wants to and has the strength and fortitude to make it happen (desire and ability are often two different things). Oftentimes it takes a catastrophic event to make that happen. Even then, it's not guaranteed. And getting dry is a long, hard road. I have a lot of experience in this area and will be happy to chat with you more on it if you want more information from me. I don't want to belabor this with stories and such, but know I'm not an "anti alcohol" kind of person. But I've been in your shoes (more than once and with more than just an SO) and I know how tough it is to love someone with this disease.
sadintexas Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 BTW, from what you've said, you've done nothing wrong. The sex change thing is ludicrous. The anger, the attempts at manipulation (by giving you the silent treatment) all goes hand in hand with the alcohol. Read up on alcoholism. There are support groups you can join in person and online to learn more too. If you decide to continue with this a group like that can be of great benefit to you.
Template Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Sounds like a real catch <sarcasm>. Regardless whether he's an alcoholic or not, YOU deserve to be treated with respect, in which you are NOT. I think you know what you are in for going forward, so it's up to you on what you are able to put up with or not.
You Go Girl Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 My roommate H is an alcoholic. But he's never accused me of having a sex change operation. Is there something else that is rather crazy about him? Even when sober, I mean? Some kind of paranoia? I suppose alcoholism, if a serious enough case, could lead to some paranoia. omg..out of all the possible accusations in the world!
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