ginger2895 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 (edited) How long has the silent treatment (after a fight) from your bf/gf ever lasted? Going on 4 days now... Edited April 27, 2010 by ginger2895
slimjim Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 longest for me has been 25 years.....and counting.......!
blair08 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 How long has the silent treatment (after a fight) from your bf/gf ever lasted? Going on 4 days now... Do a google search for silent treatment. Let me know what you come up with. Of course I already know, but you'll need to read it for yourself. I think its one thing when people have a disagreement and they walk away from the situation for a bit to cool down, but another story and issue when it goes on for days or is continual behavior.
Peaceful Guy Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 *spoiler alert* Do a google search for silent treatment. Let me know what you come up with. Of course I already know, but you'll need to read it for yourself. the silent treatment hurts!
Peaceful Guy Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 How long has the silent treatment (after a fight) from your bf/gf ever lasted? Going on 4 days now... for me, that would be the end of the relationship.. i don't blame you for being upset!
carhill Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Neither stbx nor I believed in 'silence' being a healthy tool to resolve things, so neither of us engaged in such practices. Of the two of us, I tended to be the more 'engaged' and had to learn how to respect her tendency to become overwhelmed by conflict and resolution. While not 'silent treatment', we would both 'table' the disagreement/fight and agree to re-visit the issue later. Whoever requested the timeout had responsibility to re-engage later. In the meantime, discourse went on as normal. IMO, the silent treatment is like a child pouting when they don't get their way. No way I'd want to be married to (or be) a child. Hope it works out for you
Peaceful Guy Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 IMO, the silent treatment is like a child pouting when they don't get their way. it is kinda like that isnt it? but, sometimes i shut down or stop talking because someone continues to say or do things that make me uncomfortable that ive clearly said or shown im not okay with.. so its not always that the person not talking is in the wrong.. or course by definition we are talking about the "silent treatment", which implies what you were saying carhill. however, im just now thinking that maybe the OP did or said something that maybe hurt his partner? its possible anyway..
Peaceful Guy Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 4 days though! that's not helping anybody, unless you broke up in the fight..
carhill Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 its not always that the person not talking is in the wrong Correct, and healthy problem resolution within relationships isn't about right and wrong, it's about meeting the problem head-on as a team and resolving it so both partners feel heard and validated. When I would pursue resolution aggressively, looking at all angles, stbx didn't feel her need for space was heard or validated, so she would withdraw emotionally. Nothing got accomplished and we were both responsible for that because we weren't working and relating *together*. I think the worst example, time-wise, happened during a crisis with my mother's care, where stbx went to 'visit' her sister for a day (and night). We resolved the issue the next day and she was proactive about returning and dealing with it. So, I got 'the silent treatment' for a day but IMO it was quite warranted by circumstances, even though I felt abandoned. That's part of the acceptance process. OP, are you broken up here or is this just a disagreement dynamic? Did anyone say anything specific?
Author ginger2895 Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 basically, its says the silent treatment is a form of abuse and a way to control the other person. we didn't break up as far as i know...lol. he always shuts down after a fight and i always, always get the "treatment", but never for this long. whatever...i have apologized about 100 times and i'm done. i guess he is really trying to put me in my place this time? we have been together for 2 1/2 years and the "treatments" seem to be getting worse and worse...i wonder how bad they will get after a few more years?
Author ginger2895 Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 carhill, he just said he loved me but needed "alone" time to cool off. i texted him yesterday and got no response...no more of that! lol
blair08 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 basically, its says the silent treatment is a form of abuse and a way to control the other person. we didn't break up as far as i know...lol. he always shuts down after a fight and i always, always get the "treatment", but never for this long. whatever...i have apologized about 100 times and i'm done. i guess he is really trying to put me in my place this time? we have been together for 2 1/2 years and the "treatments" seem to be getting worse and worse...i wonder how bad they will get after a few more years? If you are finding yourself apologizing 100 times or at least over and over again, then you're with the wrong person hun. Cooling off is one thing, but you stated these "treatments" are getting worse...well they wont get any better. I think you have your answer.
D-Lish Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Stop apologizing. The best way to combat someone that treats you like this is to be silent right back. The more you reach to fix things, the more control you give him. Give him a taste of his own medicine. When he "cools off" and contacts you, remain silent. If he knows he can treat you like this and then just come back and everything is fine- he will continue with the behaviour. Give him a reason to think you aren't available when he comes back.
MichelleZB Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 The silent treatment is not a fair negotiating tactic. If you two have a disagreement, you must be working as a team to resolve it--but you can't do that if any communication is being shut down. I think you should dump him.
elysium23 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Something is not right if he is comfortable spending numerous days making you feel guilty for something minor. He is too stubborn for his own good if he is still mad after a day or so, unless you did something really bad, which isn't what it sounds like. You should be able to talk over your problems, not hold grudges
JackJack Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Do not continue to say you're sorry to him, while he continues to pout. There could be nothing you really get from telling him you're sorry when its falling on deaf ears and he is still not talking to you. If you were to give him a dose of his own medicine and it does not work OR you find you're doing exactly what he is doing over and over again, then you are playing a game. The best way to deal with a person who is playing a childish game, is to not play it. and if it means walking away from the situation, then thats what you do. Chances are this "silent treatment" he is giving you is a learned behavior, you have to make a choice if you want to stay and see if he is willing to unlearn it. Right now, I would bet he isn't willing to unlearn it, he has to much control over what he is doing.
stillafool Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Maybe he is trying to break up with you each time he gives you the "silent" treatment. Most couples experience a bit of this until one of them apologizes. You have apologized numerous times and still he chooses to remain silent. I would never contact him again but then I use to be the queen of the silent treatment and most of the times I really was ready to move on.
whichwayisup Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 How long has the silent treatment (after a fight) from your bf/gf ever lasted? Going on 4 days now... The silent treatment (atleast in my opinion)is a mean thing to do, it's intentional and done to make a point - All ego related and power/control. Very immature too. It's disrespectful and cruel. Your bf (after the fight) could have just said, right away - I need a day or two to cool off. I love you, but please let me have some space. That's different, but he didn't. For FOUR days he's been ignoring you. It takes effort to ignore someone, especially a partner! carhill, he just said he loved me but needed "alone" time to cool off. i texted him yesterday and got no response...no more of that! lol Leave him alone. When he contacts you after his hissy fit, silent treatment, tell him that you're not going to put up with this crap. He has to communicate with you and start treating you with respect! If he can't handle that, then dump him.
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