DNU1 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Update: Wow, it has been a few months since my last update here (old thread locked...so starting a new one). Work and kiddos and life are keeping me very busy these days. Where to start... Ex picked up her passport in January and had vacation coming in March. I had feeling she was seeing someone and confronted her. I said, "let's just stop playing this cat-mouse game...i know you are seeing someone and taking them to Mexico...just out with it." She confirmed. I told her I had not dated anyone since fall...when I went on a few dates and knew I was not ready. Now that she was seeing someone I wanted to hear her say words that she would not bust my-ballz in divorce settlement if I started dating. She got teary eyed (why, I do not know...) She said those words and I was FREE! We continued to have cordial talks about settlement and finally agreed on terms a few weeks back. We are making final edits to document this week and hope to see judge in early May. We will sell the house and split profit/loss. Settlement is fair and equitable...as I had hoped all along. I wish the Ex would spend more time with kiddos, but I cannot control that. She allows them to do some things I don't agree with...but I do not confront her in front of the kids. And in reality I cannot control what she does with them on her time. All I can do is express my concern and document situations. I just hope she stays connected in their lives. She's building a new friend base around her work mates. I'm pretty sure her boyfriend is co-worker. I have asked to meet him before she introduces him to the kiddos...she agreed. I expect anyone my Ex dates or marries to respect our (Ex and me) decisions on how to parent our children. We are the parents, period. But anyone whom my Ex introduces to the kids will know this: if they abuse my daughters (physical, sexual, etc.), God have mercy on their soul, because I WILL find them. Nuff said. I do hope that she is able to understand why she had these affairs and find happiness. I do wish her well. But most of all I want what is best for our children. They did nothing wrong in all of this, but are forced to deal with this divorce, our subsequent move, and the very real prospect of Mom marrying again…soon. For me the dating scene has been disappointing. I have gone on a few dates, but my radar is on high-alert…and I’m quick to spot warning signs and yellow flags. I am very picky about whom I date...heck, who I even talk to. In all my interactions with women I keep asking myself "how would they be with my kids?" I continue to concentrate on taking care of my daughters and taking care of my needs. If a woman comes along who I can trust, will treat me and my daughters well…then I might have a look-see. Until then, single life. I appreciate all the support members of this board have given me. Life is moving forward. I’m strong. Take care, D.
Culthbert Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Hi DNU, glad to hear from you! I'm glad things are moving along, and hopefully soon it will be all over. I agree with 2long that you have your priorities straight. I'm confident that there is a woman out there who would make a good match for you and a good stepmother for your children - solid men like you who put their children first are hard to find (because most of them are already married), and there are a lot of good women out there. So you can be confident in your own future and take your time as opportunities come up, I think, and you can afford to be choosy about who you date. All the best!
Author DNU1 Posted May 5, 2010 Author Posted May 5, 2010 Dnu1: Good 2 hear from you. Sounds like you're continuing 2 handle life properly. It's funny (strange, not haha) how your perspective changes after infidelity. Priorities are so different, aren't they? -ol' 2long Thanks 2long. Funny thing is that I kept trying to find answers for what she did. I kept trying to "fix" her, help her solve her problems and slay her inner demons. I kept trying and trying through all the other men in her life. But in the end I had to do what was right for me. I had to divorce her. I couldn't live like that any more. I could not live with the lies and deceipt. And thanks Culthbert. My friends and family tell me the same thing, that I am "kind of a big deal." How many men have custody of their daughters, found full time job in this economy, hold things together like I do each and every day? How many men are honest, upstanding, talk the talk and walk the walk? Not many. Yes, I can be very picky whom I date. And I will be. LIke my counselor says...stop worrying about what women would accept from you...only think of what you will accept from them. If you don't like what you see in a woman, move on...there are plenty of fish in the sea. Thanks again. D!
Darth Vader Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Update: Wow, it has been a few months since my last update here (old thread locked...so starting a new one). Work and kiddos and life are keeping me very busy these days. Where to start... Ex picked up her passport in January and had vacation coming in March. I had feeling she was seeing someone and confronted her. I said, "let's just stop playing this cat-mouse game...i know you are seeing someone and taking them to Mexico...just out with it." She confirmed. I told her I had not dated anyone since fall...when I went on a few dates and knew I was not ready. Now that she was seeing someone I wanted to hear her say words that she would not bust my-ballz in divorce settlement if I started dating. She got teary eyed (why, I do not know...) She said those words and I was FREE! We continued to have cordial talks about settlement and finally agreed on terms a few weeks back. We are making final edits to document this week and hope to see judge in early May. We will sell the house and split profit/loss. Settlement is fair and equitable...as I had hoped all along. I wish the Ex would spend more time with kiddos, but I cannot control that. She allows them to do some things I don't agree with...but I do not confront her in front of the kids. And in reality I cannot control what she does with them on her time. All I can do is express my concern and document situations. I just hope she stays connected in their lives. She's building a new friend base around her work mates. I'm pretty sure her boyfriend is co-worker. I have asked to meet him before she introduces him to the kiddos...she agreed. I expect anyone my Ex dates or marries to respect our (Ex and me) decisions on how to parent our children. We are the parents, period. But anyone whom my Ex introduces to the kids will know this: if they abuse my daughters (physical, sexual, etc.), God have mercy on their soul, because I WILL find them. Nuff said. I do hope that she is able to understand why she had these affairs and find happiness. I do wish her well. But most of all I want what is best for our children. They did nothing wrong in all of this, but are forced to deal with this divorce, our subsequent move, and the very real prospect of Mom marrying again…soon. For me the dating scene has been disappointing. I have gone on a few dates, but my radar is on high-alert…and I’m quick to spot warning signs and yellow flags. I am very picky about whom I date...heck, who I even talk to. In all my interactions with women I keep asking myself "how would they be with my kids?" I continue to concentrate on taking care of my daughters and taking care of my needs. If a woman comes along who I can trust, will treat me and my daughters well…then I might have a look-see. Until then, single life. I appreciate all the support members of this board have given me. Life is moving forward. I’m strong. Take care, D. Good to hear from you! Sure, you may be watching out whom you date, but you can't say that about your wife! Too many nuts out there! I suggest that you make it a mandate to your wife that only you and her correct the children, not some outside stranger, that way you'll know there's less risk of sickos getting ahold of them! Ex-wifey should know that she's not to bring in druggies or sex offenders, everyone gets checked out! Do you have custody, or joint custody? Expect her to do a 180 still! I hope not though, just watch your back!
Author DNU1 Posted April 19, 2011 Author Posted April 19, 2011 Well, it's been almost a year since I was here and close to two years since I started the divorce process and asked eX to leave the house. Updates: Divorce: dragged on and on, with eX not able to make decisions...dragging her feet. We had an agreement over a year ago (March 2010) but she backed out in August 2010. We finally worked through mediation in October/November and signed an agreement they day we were set to have trial in early December. It was the eleventh hour = stressful! But a huge relief! Relationships: I started dating in March 2010 with mixed results. Probably went on ten or eleven "first dates." None really sparked interest...most were blah. Met a woman I really liked and connected with via Match in May 2010. We are still seeing each other and it's pretty serious. She is an amazing woman with two boys (9 & 7) who get along well with my daughters (13 & 11). She works nights, and I days...so it's hard to coordinate schedules, but we do the best we can and cherish our time together. My youngest loves spending time with my GF...oldest is a hot and cold, but getting better. eX is still seeing the same guy (over a year now). He was scared to meet me...so I finally just walked up to him at concert a few weeks ago and shook his hand. No big deal. Kids seem to like him. He's ~10 years younger than the eX, has never been married and no kids. Interesting. I wish her the best. Happy eX means a happy Mom for my daughters. That's it from here. Work going well, personal life going great, kiddos adjusting and doing great as well. Selling the house and looking to downsize in to something I can afford. Life is grand! I'm out...
imagine Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Hi DNU, Thanks for the update. Glad to hear that you are stable. How is the photography side working for you? I suspect that your wife's boyfriend has been fed a lot of twaddle about you. She probably does not want him to know that he is OM4. It's wonderful that your ex can be happy with this guy -not a great example as parent. I hope that someday she will come to Jesus and be truly remorseful for what she has done to you. I wish you the best with the new lady.
Author DNU1 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Posted April 20, 2011 Hi DNU, Thanks for the update. Glad to hear that you are stable. How is the photography side working for you? I suspect that your wife's boyfriend has been fed a lot of twaddle about you. She probably does not want him to know that he is OM4. It's wonderful that your ex can be happy with this guy -not a great example as parent. I hope that someday she will come to Jesus and be truly remorseful for what she has done to you. I wish you the best with the new lady. Thanks Imagine: Photography is growing, but I'm taking things slow. House is for sale (our marriage house), so I'm concentrating on that now. Need to downsize and get in a place where me and DDs can afford. eX's boyfriend is not one of the OMs (as far as I can tell). She met him about 9 mo after we split. He's ~10 years younger than her, never married, no kids. Seems to be a "mardi-gras" / party guy. I don't really care...just want to make sure he treats my daughters well. If he's ever out of line with them...Lord help him. I think the eX is a long way from "come to Jesus"...I recently found out she was trying to hide a large sum of $$ from my eyes. She denied (imagine that), but when I threatened to have my attorney petition the judge about possible fraud, she came clean. Unbelievable in some ways (she would deliberately hide that $$ from me and her own daughters) but really par for the course (selfish and self centered person). And she's not even said sorry about the $$...or really ever said sorry for the affairs. It's sad in many, many ways. But in the end I'm happy I don't have to sleep next to her any more. Blech. Take care, D.
Darth Vader Posted April 20, 2011 Posted April 20, 2011 Thanks Imagine: Photography is growing, but I'm taking things slow. House is for sale (our marriage house), so I'm concentrating on that now. Need to downsize and get in a place where me and DDs can afford. eX's boyfriend is not one of the OMs (as far as I can tell). She met him about 9 mo after we split. He's ~10 years younger than her, never married, no kids. Seems to be a "mardi-gras" / party guy. I don't really care...just want to make sure he treats my daughters well. If he's ever out of line with them...Lord help him. I think the eX is a long way from "come to Jesus"...I recently found out she was trying to hide a large sum of $$ from my eyes. She denied (imagine that), but when I threatened to have my attorney petition the judge about possible fraud, she came clean. Unbelievable in some ways (she would deliberately hide that $$ from me and her own daughters) but really par for the course (selfish and self centered person). And she's not even said sorry about the $$...or really ever said sorry for the affairs. It's sad in many, many ways. But in the end I'm happy I don't have to sleep next to her any more. Blech. Take care, D. Good to hear from you! Don't ever expect her to feel or be sorry for the destruction she's caused, because she probably won't ever except any consequences to her actions, neither does she want to, ever. Just forget about her the best you can and keep movin' on!
Bigsmoke Posted April 24, 2011 Posted April 24, 2011 I think it is great you got custody. Speaks volumes. The new guy must wonder why. I gather your wife cheated, serially. Those that do this are a special breed, very messed up.
Author DNU1 Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 I think it is great you got custody. Speaks volumes. The new guy must wonder why. I gather your wife cheated, serially. Those that do this are a special breed, very messed up. Bigsmoke: Yes, serial cheater hits nail on head. I know about 4 OMs...were probably more. Don't even care to know at this point in time. Just glad she's outta my life. I saw her in person for first time since I busted her on whole "hiding money" from me. She was cool as cucumber, and just acted like nothing was wrong. Imagine that. 2Long: Thanks for the kind words. Life is good. My girlfriend is pretty damn great. She's independent, good with her money, solid in career, sexy, treats me well, respectful, understands my boundaries, gets along with my family and friends, loves my kiddos, loves me for who I am. This weekend marked one year since we started dating Yes, life is good!
Author DNU1 Posted June 10, 2011 Author Posted June 10, 2011 Been over a month since I visited here. Thanks 2long for the PM. Replied today :0 Life still grand. Girlfriend got a day-job Kids are great. Life is grand! Take care all...
Damia Posted June 10, 2011 Posted June 10, 2011 DNU1 your story sounds a bit like mine. It's great to read such positive things about how your life has played out down the track. Keep up the great work your, girls a very fortunate to have you in their lives. It will be an important aspect in the future when they start looking for their own life partner.They will hopefully know the right traits to look for in a healthy relationship. all the best
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