iheartcookies Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 (edited) My heart and mind are both so exhausted and I am unsure about what the rational thing to think and do is. I really need some guidance and help, guys. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We met in freshman year of HS and were close friends until we started dating after graduation. Things couldn't have been better. I wish I could explain how romantic he was and how he truly made me believe that he would always love me. I know that people change...but he would tell me how he wanted to be with me since freshman year and how he's been waiting for so long for the moment when we'd be together. We go to two different colleges. I go to a commuter university near home and he's about 2 hours away. For 2 years he has driven back home from his school to see me on the weekends. This continued for the first three semesters, and this current fourth semester things have slowed down to every other week. I know that's reasonable, especially since he's the one who does the driving home because I can't drive. (I recently just got my drivers license. It was a huge step for me. ) He doesn't want to come back home every weekend because he has friends there and wants to enjoy the college life. I guess I understand, but it still hurts because I hate seeing him only 4 times a month. These are better cirumstances than other LDR, I know, but I just can't help but miss him and be so insecure with all the girls he meets at his college. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I've become so needy and insecure, which has pushed him away. We argued two weeks ago, and it was pretty bad...So bad that he needed a two day "break" to think things over. I was devastated. I felt like he was going to break up with me. But we talked, and he said that he just wasn't sure because he feels like we argue so much. He's studying abroad in China for three months at the end of May, and he said he feels like he's being held back because he doesn't want to argue with me over email or whatever. We won't be able to talk much, especially since he'll be traveling and he won't know when he'll have internet access and what not. He tells me he loves me sooo much, and he wants us to work out. He just feels like he's pressured because he promised me the world in the beginning of our relationship such as marriage and what-not, but now as he's growing up he realizes that nothing is guaranteed and anything could happen. I feel like I've pushed him away and made him unsure with my insecure arguments. I dont' know why I do it, guys. I feel like I've lost who I am. I feel like if I lose him, it'll be the end of me. And I know that's so untrue and life goes on, but I don't know how to get myself out of this state of mind. He is so busy and happy with college life that I feel like he's drifting away from me. He doesn't need to talk to me all the time, and I don't know why I feel like we need to. It's dependent, gross, and just...I don't know... When we see each other, everything is perfect. But, when he's not with me, I always get sad again because I miss him so much...I feel like I miss him much more than he misses me... But, actually, the purpose of this post is related to his study abroad trip in China. I am so scared, guys. He reassures me that he loves me and that he wants to work through things regardless of whether he's at China or at home. I'm just so insecure...He's going to be studying at a university, and there are so MANY GIRLS. My sisters keep telling me that he's going to find a Chinese wife over there and whatever, and I know they're just teasing but...it really gets to me. Is 3 months that long? Can I make it? How do I make this a good experience and beneficial for our relationship? I want him to miss me, and I want him to appreciate me because I feel like he has been taking me for granted...Is it normal to feel so jealous and insecure about what he's going to do in China? I'm so torn up, guys, and it's really hard to go on sometimes. Edited April 27, 2010 by iheartcookies
Els Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I honestly don't think that the toughest part of an LDR is the number of GIRLS your partner has at their college/workplace. Even if you were both working in the same city there WILL be girls at his workplace... and you won't be there! As for your need for communication and in-person meetings... yes, those are very big problems in an LDR. Frankly I wouldn't be too happy either if the bf divided weekends 50/50 between me and his friends if weekends were all we had. And yes, 3 months with minimal contact will be very, very hard. Honestly, if you're this paranoid about him being anywhere with a lot of girls... I really don't think you're ready for 3 months apart with lack of internet/phone. The insecurity will tear you apart. I spent a month having minimal contact with my SO before (just a 10 minute call each day) and it was really, really difficult.. and I had absolutely NO worries about him 'finding another girl' either!
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