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I hate to admit it but NC (LC) might actually be working!!!!!

secretlady76

By secretlady76
in The Other Man / Woman

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secretlady76 Established Member

secretlady76

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Just a quick message to say that at the moment it seems that NC (or LC) is actually working. Well it's only been a few weeks but looking back, in comparison to how I was feeling right at the beginning (i.e tearful mess, tired, miserable) I am doing great.

 

At the begining when I was in contact with MM daily via either email/text/phone or face to face and it went to basically NOTHING, it was totally horrendous, I was not used to it. Now not being in contact with him is now normal. Ok, I've had the occasional slip up, but you know what, him not replying or not contacting me is OK now, it is not devastating. And in fact, it helps, because I will give up, in fact I think I have...hurrahh!!! I think I am beginning to see the light. I am starting to feel normal, I feel more connected to my family than before, I can enjoy things more now instead of being in the 'fog'.

 

I'm not for one minute saying I am totally normal, because I am not, it is just that instead of occupying 99% of my thoughts he may just be occupying 60%. I still have and probably will always have very strong feelings for him and maybe if I was to see him for more than a nano second I would fall back into it again very easily but at the moment things are ok. I guess it helps that he is working to break away from it too. It's a dual project so to speak ha ha!!! Wishing you all much luck, strength and happiness in your NC/LC goals...;)

jthorne Established Member

jthorne

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Good for you! Pretty soon there will be a day when he occupies 0% of your brain. You may think of him in passing once a week instead of once a day. Then it'll be once a month instead of once a week. Then... You get it.

 

I've been NC with my x for several months. I was out of town with my sweetie this weekend, and got a text. It took me a few seconds to realize the number was x's. Actually, had the area code not been different, I wouldn't have recognized the number at all.

 

Keep at it.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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Try to do less and less LC. Each time you do hear from him (even if you don't break NC) you 'get something' out of it, an emotional feed. When you think of it, the A is over, he isn't in your life, what's the point of even keeping intouch?

 

Stay strong and glad to hear you're on the mend.

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secretlady76 Established Member

secretlady76

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Try to do less and less LC. Each time you do hear from him (even if you don't break NC) you 'get something' out of it, an emotional feed. When you think of it, the A is over, he isn't in your life, what's the point of even keeping intouch?

 

Stay strong and glad to hear you're on the mend.

 

Yes you're right. I won't contact him again and he sure as hell hasn't contacted me since the decision was made (by him) so at least he's sticking to his end of the bargain. He's doing the right thing by not responding to anything I've sent him, I'm grateful for that. He's more sensible than me I think!!

 

I still have to see him for the time being although this won't be for much longer and as it is we're keeping it to bare minimum contact. All this helps to break it all down.

 

Have to say this site has been a total God send!!!

joey66 Established Member

joey66

Posted
Posted
Just a quick message to say that at the moment it seems that NC (or LC) is actually working. Well it's only been a few weeks but looking back, in comparison to how I was feeling right at the beginning (i.e tearful mess, tired, miserable) I am doing great.

 

...

 

I'm not for one minute saying I am totally normal, because I am not, it is just that instead of occupying 99% of my thoughts he may just be occupying 60%. I still have and probably will always have very strong feelings for him and maybe if I was to see him for more than a nano second I would fall back into it again very easily but at the moment things are ok. I guess it helps that he is working to break away from it too. It's a dual project so to speak ha ha!!! Wishing you all much luck, strength and happiness in your NC/LC goals...;)

 

So it is possible to get over it!

 

Happy for you secretlady. Keep up the good work and keep posting. It helps to hear about the success of others.

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secretlady76 Established Member

secretlady76

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So it is possible to get over it!

 

Happy for you secretlady. Keep up the good work and keep posting. It helps to hear about the success of others.

 

Joey66, I am having a good day my friend! No doubt by tomorrow I will be an emotional wreck. I guess it's just that I saw him briefly and it was ok, I was ok. I was actually totally void to be honest. This just might be a temporary phase I am in....dunno. Because he is giving me nothing to go on, no calls/emails/texts/hardly any conversation/no signs that he has any feelings/nothing; I have nothing feeding the feelings I have for him so they're probably not as mammoth as they were, of course they're still there, I can feel them plenty.

 

I certainly will be posting on here plenty, this site is brilliant!!!

 

How is it going for you?! She still tormenting you or has she left you alone and have you left her alone?!

Edited by secretlady76
skywriter Established Member

skywriter

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I still have and probably will always have very strong feelings for him and maybe if I was to see him for more than a nano second I would fall back into it again very easily but at the moment things are ok. I guess it helps that he is working to break away from it too.

 

 

Sounds like you are coming out of the affair fog, good for you. Finality, one way, or the other, is definitly a load off your mind and emotions.

 

Him not contacting you, is the gift of resolution. The ticket off the roller coaster. At least this is what I am telling myself. Keeps me grounded.

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secretlady76 Established Member

secretlady76

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I still have and probably will always have very strong feelings for him and maybe if I was to see him for more than a nano second I would fall back into it again very easily but at the moment things are ok. I guess it helps that he is working to break away from it too.

 

 

Sounds like you are coming out of the affair fog, good for you. Finality, one way, or the other, is definitly a load off your mind and emotions.

 

Him not contacting you, is the gift of resolution. The ticket off the roller coaster. At least this is what I am telling myself. Keeps me grounded.

 

Thank you Skywriter, that makes a lot of sense. I will remember that last sentence.

Hazyhead Established Member

Hazyhead

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Joey66, I am having a good day my friend! No doubt by tomorrow I will be an emotional wreck. I guess it's just that I saw him briefly and it was ok, I was ok. I was actually totally void to be honest. This just might be a temporary phase I am in....dunno. Because he is giving me nothing to go on, no calls/emails/texts/hardly any conversation/no signs that he has any feelings/nothing; I have nothing feeding the feelings I have for him so they're probably not as mammoth as they were, of course they're still there, I can feel them plenty.

 

I certainly will be posting on here plenty, this site is brilliant!!!

 

Even if it is a temporary phase, I think that you got through that hurdle without a glitch is fantastic. Good for you!

 

I agree - this site is a Godsend. I honestly don't know where I'd be without all the amazing advice and support I received.

joey66 Established Member

joey66

Posted
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Joey66, I am having a good day my friend! No doubt by tomorrow I will be an emotional wreck. I guess it's just that I saw him briefly and it was ok, I was ok. I was actually totally void to be honest. This just might be a temporary phase I am in....dunno. Because he is giving me nothing to go on, no calls/emails/texts/hardly any conversation/no signs that he has any feelings/nothing; I have nothing feeding the feelings I have for him so they're probably not as mammoth as they were, of course they're still there, I can feel them plenty.

 

I certainly will be posting on here plenty, this site is brilliant!!!

 

How is it going for you?! She still tormenting you or has she left you alone and have you left her alone?!

 

Tried to be nice to her today. Got attitude in return. So it goes. (I think perhaps she wasn't feeling well.)

 

This site is very helpful. Just knowing there are others to whom you can talk (mostly) without judgement. Thanks to all!

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secretlady76 Established Member

secretlady76

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Tried to be nice to her today. Got attitude in return. So it goes. (I think perhaps she wasn't feeling well.)

 

This site is very helpful. Just knowing there are others to whom you can talk (mostly) without judgement. Thanks to all!

 

Oh dear, that doesn't sound good. She might have been having one of 'those days' or simply testing you.....women huh?! Maybe stick to NC total if you can?

 

This site rocks!!

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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He's doing the right thing by not responding to anything I've sent him, I'm grateful for that. He's more sensible than me I think!!

 

Then you need to stop sending him stuff. What was the point of doing that, hopin' he'll respond? Seriously, think about it. No more emails to him!!

Hazyhead Established Member

Hazyhead

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Then you need to stop sending him stuff. What was the point of doing that, hopin' he'll respond? Seriously, think about it. No more emails to him!!

 

Oh yeah, I agree with this actually - the biggest sense of empowerment for me was not responding to him. At first I would try to draft a reply but not really get anywhere, then I thought 'meh... why bother?' If you don't send him another thing it's another few steps on your path taken.

 

Now, I wouldn't send him the cat's do-dahs out of the litter tray.

 

Actually... maybe I would... ;)

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secretlady76 Established Member

secretlady76

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Oh yeah, I agree with this actually - the biggest sense of empowerment for me was not responding to him. At first I would try to draft a reply but not really get anywhere, then I thought 'meh... why bother?' If you don't send him another thing it's another few steps on your path taken.

 

whichwayisup and Hazyhead, you are TOTALLY right and this is the conclusion I came to yesterday....bit like flogging a dead horse!!!!

 

Thank you both for smacking me in the face with a wet fish, I am awake, I totally agree......feel a chant coming on 'I shalt not send emails, I shalt not send email, I shalt not.......' ;)

joey66 Established Member

joey66

Posted
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whichwayisup and Hazyhead, you are TOTALLY right and this is the conclusion I came to yesterday....bit like flogging a dead horse!!!!

 

Thank you both for smacking me in the face with a wet fish, I am awake, I totally agree......feel a chant coming on 'I shalt not send emails, I shalt not send email, I shalt not.......' ;)

 

The advent of email makes things easier ... er ... harder, I think. It's so easy to send an email. It doesn't require courage like actually talking to someone in person. It's nonintrusive, unlike a phone call. And you can spend hours and hours, dictionary and thesaurus in hand, writing and rewriting and re-rewriting each and every individual paragraph, sentence, and word until they have exactly the tone and pitch you are trying to convey.

 

Or so I've heard. ;)

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secretlady76 Established Member

secretlady76

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The advent of email makes things easier ... er ... harder, I think. It's so easy to send an email. It doesn't require courage like actually talking to someone in person. It's nonintrusive, unlike a phone call. And you can spend hours and hours, dictionary and thesaurus in hand, writing and rewriting and re-rewriting each and every individual paragraph, sentence, and word until they have exactly the tone and pitch you are trying to convey.

 

Or so I've heard. ;)

 

You are so write, sorry right!...and then after all that work, the carefully crafted email is mis-interpreted or ignored or/and deleted anyway, so what was the point! In fact the advent of mobiles/email/internet has made all this so much more difficult I think...and more difficult to avoid. I say let's go back to simple letter and telegram!!:)

joey66 Established Member

joey66

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You are so write, sorry right!...and then after all that work, the carefully crafted email is mis-interpreted or ignored or/and deleted anyway, so what was the point! In fact the advent of mobiles/email/internet has made all this so much more difficult I think...and more difficult to avoid. I say let's go back to simple letter and telegram!!:)

 

Telegraph? Pony express? Smoke signals?

 

Wait, I've got it! I'll just hit her over the head with my club and drag her back to my cave. It will save a lot of trouble. :D

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secretlady76 Established Member

secretlady76

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Telegraph? Pony express? Smoke signals?

 

Wait, I've got it! I'll just hit her over the head with my club and drag her back to my cave. It will save a lot of trouble. :D

 

Don't think that idea is under the 'No-Contact' rule, although I guess if you don't look at her or speak to her it might, in fact if it's just the club that makes contact, you may be ok!!!!!:laugh:

mybrowneyedgirl Established Member

mybrowneyedgirl

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the NC is helping me too. maybe it should be considered LC since he (and his W :eek:) are still contacting me. but i find it empowering not to answer his emails. maybe this is some secondary gain that i'm getting from it all, but maybe thats what i needed. maybe i needed to ball to be in my court to gain strength from this - not his.

Hazyhead Established Member

Hazyhead

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the NC is helping me too. maybe it should be considered LC since he (and his W :eek:) are still contacting me. but i find it empowering not to answer his emails. maybe this is some secondary gain that i'm getting from it all, but maybe thats what i needed. maybe i needed to ball to be in my court to gain strength from this - not his.

 

 

I so agree. The sense of empowerment from turning away from it is fantastic. I'm taking my ball elsewhere and finding a new tennis partner!

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