Met the boyfriends parents...boyfriend ignored me all eveing

[gorgeous1]

Advice needed please please!!...am I being sensitive or is what my bf did ok....

 

My bf and I have been dating for 18 months and I met his parents (and family) for the first time at the weekend when they had a suprise party held for them. I was very nervous, they dont live near us and we travelled 6 hours to somewhere Id never been before and I probably felt more nervous as it was unfamiliar territory and a different county.

 

When we got to his sister's house his sister and brother in law were there along with his niece. Although I enjoyed the meeting/evening, I found it very strange that as soon as we arrived at the house, my bf went into the dining room with his brother in law where he stayed for the rest of the afternoon setting up something he had brought for them. I was left on my own to introduce myself and spent the remainder of the afternoon outside smoking (to calm my nerves lol) and in the kitchen. After Introducing mysef and chatting to his sister for a bit the conversation dried up and I was left feeling foolish and not knowing what to say (although she was a lovely lady and Im not knocking her at all). Two hours later we went to the venue where the suprise meal was held and again, my bf was largely chatting to his family and I felt very issolated being in the company of strangers that, lets face it, didnt know a thing about me. He didnt introduce me to his parents, his sister did that instead.

 

His family seemed nice and the evening was enjoyable to a certain extent but I suppose what Im trying to say is that Im upset that my boyfriend came nowhere near me all day/evening. He was very detached from me. We sat next to eachother for the meal and there was no conversation between us throughout the meal. After chatting with his family he then started flicking things across the table at the children that were there (his relatives). He sat on the outside of the table and I sat next to him on the inside and when we both came back from the toilet he sat down first so I had to squeeze past, which was a little rude.

 

I feel a little hurt that my bf knew how nervous I was and yet did nothing to make me feel included in things. When I pointed it out later in the evening telling him I felt invisible, he replied by saying "why dyou always have to ruin the evening". I know he misses his family and hadnt seen them for a few years and that is not the issue here, the issue is that I wasnt introduced, was largely ignored and left to get on with it in a strange place with people I didnt know, but I also think that a little sensitivity would have gone a long way.

 

When we are back home and in the local pub, he usally does the same, he will walk in with me and then chat to his friends most of the evening whilst I walk round the pub to find somebody that I know to chat to or stay with him and his friends if I dont know anybody...so his behavour at the weekend was no differnet to how he usually acts I guess.

 

Any thoughts please would be welcome x

[VertexSquared]

Honestly he sounds very selfish. He didn't empathize with your feelings of nervousness, nor did he give you the common courtesy of introducing you properly or making sure you felt welcome. I don't think you overreacted at all, and he was being a bit of a douche by saying you were ruining the evening instead of acknowledging your concerns.

[123BeachFan]

Ideally, at the family get-together, since you were meeting relatives for the first time, your BF should have stayed by your side most of the time. He should have introduced you to everyone, and stuck around to support you and not leave you alone to fend for yourself.

 

Sounds like your BF is both insensitive and immature. I might also add self centered for good measure.

 

As I was reading your post, I initially thought that maybe he was having a difficult time around his relatives, since it's been a few years since he saw them and perhaps that gap of time was due to a riff. But then as I kept reading, you mentioned that he behaves this way normally when you guys head to the pub. So, I'm thinking that this is very typical of him

 

Well, the good news is that you've gotten the "meeting the family" out of the way. So if you do decide to join him again in another family get-together, you've met the relatives already, and you know that they are going to be your entertainment while you're there. If that's not appealing to you, don't go with him next time. But it doesn't sound like he visits them that often, so it might not come up again, or at least not very frequently.

 

But he behaves like this when you go out to pubs. I might suggest that you tell him that when you go out with him, you'd like to be included in the group. So, as a compromise maybe he can go out with the guys to the pub on his own (without you), like a boys night out. And then other times when you do join him, he agrees to include you in the conversations and such.

[gorgeous1]

Thanks guys for your input. Thing is some days he can be so loving and attentive and then others he can treat me like cr*p and Im getting a bit fed up with it all to be honest. Hes not treated me right throughout our relationship (read my previous posts lol) but I thought we were making headway and then for him to act so detached. To me, my bf is the most important person in my life (except my 3 children:rolleyes:) but I just feel like Im an after thought all the time with him, like I always come second. Well I dont, as he spends a lot of time with me, but that time isnt quality time where I feel special at all.