germain Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I've been dating a girl for about 5 months now and things have been going pretty well. We're at the point where I am staying at her house probably 6 nights out of the week. She really loves it, and I enjoy spending the time with her even though it isn't actually that much we do see one another (2 hours or so after work every night). Occasionally on my days off I like to go home, about 40 minutes away, and just spend the day/evening with myself, doing my own thing. All sounds normal to me however every time I do this, I get the feeling that she has a hard time with me not being there. She responds to me less frequently when we are away and when I'm lucky enough to get some sort of a conversation going throughout the day - through text or however - she will drop off mid-conversation, and frequently I won't hear from her the rest of the night. The next day I will usually wake up to a text about how she fell asleep/phone's battery died/she forgot it. But by then, I am the one who is upset and typically end up returning the distance - which only makes the situation worse I know. This drives me crazy as I like to hear from her (at least ONCE a day) given that I've become used to spending so much time with her. She will frequently ask me if she's bothering me when I'm away and tell me she worries she does, but I always make it clear that she is not, and that I enjoy hearing from her. It just feels like she's playing a game, trying to grab my attention/make me upset because she is a bit insecure when I'm not in front of her. I of course could be reading this all wrong and be the one with the problem, too needy? But I think this is something I could use some perspective on. Especially given in the Fall we may be trying the long-distance thing for a year, and I'm becoming more and more weary of the decision due to her flighty nature when we're not around one another.
123BeachFan Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 If you want to communicate at least once a day, I'd recommend a quick phone call over texting, and make it a habit/pattern for the phone call. So maybe, every day at lunch time, or at 10:15 for example. Just establish a pattern that works well for both your schedules. Phone calls cover so much more in a shorter period of time than a text. Plus you hear their voice (yay), and can hear if they are mad/sad/happy, etc. Text conversations are more ambigious. Something is misconstrued. One person thinks the conversation is over, and the other one is left hanging and wondering why they are being ignored. BUT...you guys are seeing each other 6 times/day already, which is plenty of together time. It's good that you are going home one day/week for your own space. It sounds like she needs that space too. Don't take her distance during that time as anything personal.
DustySaltus Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 You've been together 5 months and you try and stay over there 6 nights a week? Don't you think that's a little too much too soon? I think you are both insecure and the only way to overcome that is solid communication. I don't mean "communication" like talking everyday. I mean communication as in "I like you, you like me............let's ENJOY this".
northstar1 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Dude, you're being a little needy here I think. You're seeing her 6 days a week, she doesn't probably feel a need to also be texting you constantly. That's overkill which can cause a relationship to go stale. Now, when you go Long Distance, you'll need to agree on a suitable amount of conversation.
Author germain Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 I agree on the phone call thing. We have discussed talking on the phone more frequently, but she seems to hate phones, so that's definitely something we've got to work on for reasons you described and would probably solve this issue. I realize I do spend a lot of time at her place. I think it came about largely as my work is about 5 minutes from her house, and I live over an hour away from both. I've sort of unofficially moved in and taken advantage of the situation even though I would much rather have my own place near by that I could retreat to at least half the time, but that isn't here just yet. I also get off work too late for me to really stop by for a few and then make the additional hour long trip home. It just happened this way. Plus while I am over there quite a bit, I would say the majority of the time we have together is spent sleeping. But if this is a problem, perhaps I should back off a bit. I really didn't consider it as being "too soon" for anything. Especially with her leaving in a few short months - see each other while we can sort of a thing. So I suppose what puzzles me though is that she appears to be the one who needs the contact more often, yet when it comes to conversations (specifically texting/online) from a distance, she suddenly becomes aloof. I was thinking she's playing games, but it may just be a communication problem that a phone call would solve.
gorgeous1 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I DONT THInk shes pLAYing games, shes probably just a little insecure and you suddenly deciding to see less of her/make less contact will make her even worse. Also if you staying there is out of convenience so you dont have to travel home so far, well thats using her a little bit (sorry dont want to upset you) but you should be there because you want to be not because the journey is shorter for you. Sorry, but thats just how I see it from a womans perspective.
USMCHokie Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 You've been together 5 months and you try and stay over there 6 nights a week? Don't you think that's a little too much too soon? I think you are both insecure and the only way to overcome that is solid communication. I don't mean "communication" like talking everyday. I mean communication as in "I like you, you like me............let's ENJOY this". I agree with Dusty on this...you have to tread very carefully at around the half-year mark...at this point, you two are probably spending a lot of time together, and you're likely still honeymooning...but don't allow yourself to fall victim to the relationship and have it consume your life...you need to maintain some semblance of independence from this girl...and she needs to have some independence from you...it's this separation that will make the time together that much more special...so don't feel like you need to talk to each other EVERY day...you DO NOT need to depend on her for your happiness...it seems like you get all butt-hurt if you sense some "distance" between the two of you...it's just her trying to live her own life outside of the relationship...you should try to do the same thing... I learned this the hard way, and I lost someone that meant the world to me...
BobSacamento Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Yeah it sounds like it's getting less fun and sounding more like an old married couple.
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