janie423 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 You're missing the whole point. What's with all this "feeling the need to" talk? It's exactly why I said you're getting over-defensive, and frankly, showing insecurity yourself. I'm talking about a couple guys joking, that's all. Zero intention of hurting the other partner. Relationships are based primarily on trust. You can be perfect matches for each other, but if trust doesn't bridge it, you can watch that potential relationship go straight down. If it does hurt you, then clearly you need to go find someone who takes life more serious than the average person. I never want to get to the point in life where I have hardened myself to taking that kind of treatment. It is not a sign of insecurity to demand respectful treatment. Trust has nothing to do with it. I agree with D-Lish, you don't quite get it.
Rearden Metal Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I don't think guys ever stop looking at hot women, until the day they die. And if they've got a friend to share the scenery with, they're going to talk about it. Unless you have reason to believe he'd cheat on you, stop snooping in his phone. This. And girls really aren't any different. And it shouldn't bother anyone. Like I'm the only man on the planet that looks good? Those texts were completely harmless. I'm happy with my GF and just yesterday texted my friend about a girl on a treadmill in my gym. Something like "you should have joined my gym. Blonde bombshell at 3 o'clock!" Is there really anything degrading, or cheating involved in that? No. To the gal who called the BF a douchebag.... eh nevermind, you know already.
123BeachFan Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 There is nothing wrong with the banter your BF had with his friend. It's all joking. It was mild mannered. Likewise, if it were you and your best friend texting about some hottie that walked past, and was a lighthearted comment, that would be all within the realm of "acceptable behavior." What is more alarming is that you are snooping through his cell phone. You need to trust and respect your BF enough to avoid the temptation to snoop.
make me believe Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 A guy who talks about how hot other women are in front of you is berating you in a subtle way. It's disrespect. It's demeaning to the woman he is with. I completely agree with this and everything D-Lish has said. There is a huge difference in subtley looking at an attractive person, and feeling the need to TELL your significant other "wow, that chick is so hot!" The former is normal human nature, we all do it. The latter is blatant disrespect. I would never comment on another guy's looks in front of my boyfriend, because I know that would make him feel bad and I actually care about how he feels! The OP is obviously not ok with her BF's comments about other girls, and she shouldn't have to be! He doesn't need to point out every good looking girl that walks by, and it's ridiculous to expect her to be ok with it. If both people in the relationship have no problem with it, that's fine. But nobody HAS to be ok with their bf/gf talking about how hot so-and-so is..
xRJ85x Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I never want to get to the point in life where I have hardened myself to taking that kind of treatment. It is not a sign of insecurity to demand respectful treatment. Trust has nothing to do with it. I agree with D-Lish, you don't quite get it. Respectful treatment!? So if it's not a sign of insecurity, then it's the other: essentially, you're so full of yourself that if everyone takes the spotlight off you, you'd get pissed. I'd just like to make a clear and logical point here: The one's telling me I'm crazy? They're girls. Girls who are obviously have trust issues with men so bad, they don't trust their own long term bf. And they're attacking me because they have no idea who I am, so they obviously don't trust me. But they've never been accused of being "jealous and clingy" or "possessive and needy" to their face and actually seen proof that it was true, so they think they're the one's who are right. So madde, until your bf "WHO WANTS TO MARRY YOU!!!" starts coupling his talk of other girls with LOSING INTEREST IN YOU, take it as a harmless joke and play along with him. If he's mature, he'll love you more for it.
xRJ85x Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 (edited) I'm gonna end this thread once and for all with a Scrubs clip: Guys and cool girls are laughing watching this. Uptight, insecure or needy girls are repulsed. You decide which one you wanna be. /thread Edited April 27, 2010 by xRJ85x
O'Malley Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 (edited) From your other thread: I really don't think he would act on it, but I know he has cheated in former relationships, he also told me once he can never promise to be faithful "cause you never know whats gonna happen".. You're snooping at his texts because both his words and actions aren't indicative of trustworthiness. You're feeling insecure for all the right reasons. Douche bag status confirmed. Edited April 27, 2010 by O'Malley
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