Author Leia Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 As someone in the legal field, I feel the need to make aware to you, legal protections that are in place should you need it. If he harasses you or threatens you in any matter, do not hesitate to file a restraining order. A man who is physically (and verbally/emotionally) abusive towards a woman is also probably not easy to get away from. He will plead and beg for you to get back with him, and when you refuse, he may get angry. So know that the law is there to protect you. I'm not sure where you're located, but there are many non profit organizations that work primarily with battered women that you can contact for resources, from shelters to counseling and therapy to legal issues, etc. Stay strong! And commend yourself for getting out of it. Many women don't have the strength to do so, at least not the first time. Whatever you do, know that you did NOTHING to deserve it, and please don't communicate with him further and please DON'T get back with him no matter how hard and convincingly he apologizes and pleads for you to get back with him. It's a vicious cycle and most abusers do this. Sorry I missed this post. Thanks SadKitty78, I won't be going back to him. Just this week, he has asked me 4 times. We still have to keep in touch due to a project our universities are working on together which we are overseeing with our supervisors. With that, I have to keep it professional and thank God, he hasn't crossed any boundary.
Author Leia Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 Thanks, Saint Dragon. Some of us are unlucky, maybe. I decided to stay home today, however I do have a project meeting that I must attend after lunch ... but I'm feeling very down and totally not up for it. I think it's cos I've been blocking everything out. I'll get through this ...
Green Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I'd actualy say any guy could potentialy hit any woman. So its not necesarily a certain type of guy who does the hitting and abusing or a certain type of girl who gets hit or abused. Be strong your feelings for him will fade with time if they havn't already that is.
Star Gazer Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 WOW! I can't believe I missed this... He's a complete efftard! SO glad you're okay, but knowing you, you'll be just fine.
Author Leia Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 Complete efftard, he is. I didn't mean to offend any particular race and yes I agree, it can happen to anyone by any other race or type of people. Thinking back, 4 people told me I shouldn't see him when I told them about him. All warned me that these people are abusive, think they are high above everyone else and I actually know a couple of my girlfriends that were in a relationship with those type and yet, I thought to myself ... no, it's not going to happen to me cos he was so nice. He seemed nice, anyway.
Green Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 I'm offended but its ok. Look don't feel like you should have known, how could you have known. Its great that you have a heart capable of love and trust in a person.
marlena Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Leia, The world is full of these men. Violence knows no colour, race or creed. I am so glad you got out early. This shows what a smart and strong woman you are, both wonderful qualities to have in life. So many women stay in abusive relationships out of fear, weakness and dependency. As you well know, it would have only gotten worse if you stayed. I know it hurts but one day you will be very proud of yourself. Hope you feel better soon. M
D-Lish Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 All of my gf's have dated a ME guy at one time.... They have all had the same experience- abuse. Does it mean anything? I'd wager yes.
Author Leia Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 Leia, The world is full of these men. Violence knows no colour, race or creed. True but it clearly happens in that country [and from their people] ever so more often than the rest. I am so glad you got out early. This shows what a smart and strong woman you are, both wonderful qualities to have in life. So many women stay in abusive relationships out of fear, weakness and dependency. As you well know, it would have only gotten worse if you stayed. I know it hurts but one day you will be very proud of yourself. Hope you feel better soon. M I am proud of myself for stepping out of it early. I know a few of my friends that are still stuck in an abusive relationship cos their men make them feel as if no other men will want them. I wish they would realize that they deserve so much better. Even though I am proud of myself, I hate myself at the same time cos I feel like I don't know how to look out for signs anymore. I feel tricked, like he was so nice and good. It hurt me to see how nice he is to other people, be it guys or girls and yet, so rude and abusive toward me. Wtf? What was up with that?! I asked him why was he nice to other people and not to me? He replied cos they were nice to him. Ok, and I wasn't nice? Whenever he raised his voice or was rude to me, I asked how he would feel if a guy treated his sister the way he treated me ... he told me that NO ONE WILL EVER TREAT HIS SISTER that way cos HIS SISTER MAKES NO MISTAKE. SHE WILL NEVER MAKE MISTAKE cos she's really intelligent and NO GUY will ever mistreat her. That really upped my confidence.
Author Leia Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 All of my gf's have dated a ME guy at one time.... They have all had the same experience- abuse. Does it mean anything? I'd wager yes. Yea. 2 of my sister's friend married to ME men. Both were not allowed to go out of the house. Sexually abused on top of it all. It's not so bad if you don't go back to their country but if you do, that's it. You're done! Scary.
sweetjasmine Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Even though I am proud of myself, I hate myself at the same time cos I feel like I don't know how to look out for signs anymore. I don't know. I think once you stop hurting, you'll realize that you do know what to look out for now. It hurt me to see how nice he is to other people, be it guys or girls and yet, so rude and abusive toward me. Wtf? What was up with that?! Look at it from the perspective that a partner isn't a living, breathing human being with feelings but a possession. There's no need for him to be nice to you because you belong to him, and he rightfully owns you. He's allowed to treat his possessions however he wants. I asked him why was he nice to other people and not to me? He replied cos they were nice to him. Ok, and I wasn't nice? And of course he has to make you feel inadequate and cut you down when you ask why he's such a dick. Whenever he raised his voice or was rude to me, I asked how he would feel if a guy treated his sister the way he treated me ... he told me that NO ONE WILL EVER TREAT HIS SISTER that way cos HIS SISTER MAKES NO MISTAKE. SHE WILL NEVER MAKE MISTAKE cos she's really intelligent and NO GUY will ever mistreat her. That really upped my confidence. Right. Defending family honor and all that. Family comes before everything else. Someone going after his sister would be an insult to him and his family honor, which must be defended at all costs, but someone treating you poorly (even him treating you poorly) is not so bad because you're just a possession anyway. Honestly, a person like that would literally throw you under a bus rather than piss off their family. It's a very good thing you got out.
Author Leia Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 I don't know. I think once you stop hurting, you'll realize that you do know what to look out for now. Oh God. I sure hope so. I haven't slept in a couple of days. I have so many things on my mind and figuring out what to look out of is one of them. Honestly, a person like that would literally throw you under a bus rather than piss off their family. It's a very good thing you got out. Yes, from my understanding of ME men, they would do that. Their family especially mother will come first ~ no matter what. Even if their mother abused their wife, mother trumps the wife. He's been trying to get hold of me through friends and even one of the admin from my department stating it's regarding our project but I found a way to let him know that anything to do with work will go through my other colleague or supervisor. I have a feeling an email will be on its way from him which in turn, will be heading straight to the trash bin
CLC2008 Posted April 30, 2010 Posted April 30, 2010 Complete efftard, he is. I didn't mean to offend any particular race and yes I agree, it can happen to anyone by any other race or type of people. Thinking back, 4 people told me I shouldn't see him when I told them about him. All warned me that these people are abusive, think they are high above everyone else and I actually know a couple of my girlfriends that were in a relationship with those type and yet, I thought to myself ... no, it's not going to happen to me cos he was so nice. He seemed nice, anyway. I'm really sorry to hear what happened. Awful. I don't believe this is specific to any one particular race, though there is some truth from a cultural standpoint. The story about how my mother and dad first met, no one would have thought in a million years they'd end up divorced. My mother still has bags of hand written letters he'd write her, professing his love, it was quite poetic. After they were married though, its like a switch flipped, and the only female my father treated well, was his sister. Not his mother, not his wife, not his children. They divorced several years ago, and while my father is no longer that "person" (he's actually pretty great now, god bless, and has become someone who is very important to me) but back then people would say to my mother "you can take the man out of the country but you can't take the country out of the man". Life is strange... Anyway, I hope you are feeling better and stay well.
Author Leia Posted May 1, 2010 Author Posted May 1, 2010 I'm really sorry to hear what happened. Awful. I don't believe this is specific to any one particular race, though there is some truth from a cultural standpoint. Yea it's their culture. Sad to say. Thinking back, it is really a good thing it's over. Can you imagine how it will be like to be married to him? I have strong opinions on a lot of things and I am pretty darn sure it wouldn't be a great marriage! The story about how my mother and dad first met, no one would have thought in a million years they'd end up divorced. My mother still has bags of hand written letters he'd write her, professing his love, it was quite poetic. After they were married though, its like a switch flipped, and the only female my father treated well, was his sister. Not his mother, not his wife, not his children. That is a scary thought. To be so in love and everything else so good but once married, BAM! everything goes away! I have to ask though, if it's alright ~ why the sister? And is your father from ME? Just curious. You don't have to answer They divorced several years ago, and while my father is no longer that "person" (he's actually pretty great now, god bless, and has become someone who is very important to me) but back then people would say to my mother "you can take the man out of the country but you can't take the country out of the man". So so true! Glad that your father isn't like 'that' anymore Life is strange... Anyway, I hope you are feeling better and stay well. Indeed! I am feeling better today. Was a wreck yesterday and the day before. Finally got some sleep this morning. Word has gotten around that I am no longer in a relationship with him and a couple of guys have asked me out but I don't think I'm ready. Thing is, I don't want to misread 'signals' anymore. I don't know what to look out for and that's driving me nuts!
CLC2008 Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Yea it's their culture. Sad to say. Thinking back, it is really a good thing it's over. Can you imagine how it will be like to be married to him? I have strong opinions on a lot of things and I am pretty darn sure it wouldn't be a great marriage! Oh you dodged a bullet, thank goodness. That is a scary thought. To be so in love and everything else so good but once married, BAM! everything goes away! I have to ask though, if it's alright ~ why the sister? And is your father from ME? Just curious. You don't have to answer I'm not 100% sure, it could be because my aunt (his sister) is a pretty tough cookie. His mother (my grandmother) was a gentle soul and the sweetest person. But she was 100% dependent on my father because she was blind, partially deaf and couldn't walk and was also very sick and he just never really had any patience for her. Back then, he had no patience at all with most things. So so true! Glad that your father isn't like 'that' anymore Thanks Indeed! I am feeling better today. Was a wreck yesterday and the day before. Finally got some sleep this morning. Word has gotten around that I am no longer in a relationship with him and a couple of guys have asked me out but I don't think I'm ready. Thing is, I don't want to misread 'signals' anymore. I don't know what to look out for and that's driving me nuts! I'm happy to hear that. Sometimes it helps to reflect back to the time when you first met the person and evaluate certain things they may have said or done that may have possibly been overlooked.
tigressA Posted May 2, 2010 Posted May 2, 2010 Oh my goodness, I totally missed this thread until now. My jaw dropped and stayed that way through to the end of it. I'm so sorry this happened to you, Leia. How awful...what an absolute cretin. Count me in the chorus that says you're strong, you're smart, you're beautiful inside and out, and things will get better. (hugs)
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