edith Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 So, many of you know my story - my husband had an emotional affair for 1.5 years with a woman he used to work with, which turned physical just last week. For a while I was torn, wondering if he was emotionally involved with her or not, and have been asking for opinions. Just today, after having told her how "amazing" she was in bed, I see an email from over the weekend where he simply writes "You... what am I going to do with you?!". It was out of context so I don't know what he meant. But I assume he is mesmerized by how much alike they are, sexually - that seems to be an ongoing issue of theirs. Then I talked to him at work and he sounded really busy. I read an email later, from her today asking if he was blowing her off, because he was supposed to write her with a time for their "date" tomorrow. THEN - here's the topper - he writes her back 1.5 HOURS later, and APOLOGIZES for the "delay". Delay?? Because it took him a little over an hour?? My husband never apologizes for big things, let alone small ones. But he apologized to her. Then he says that he "definitely" wants to see her but they need to move it to Thursday... Am I right in seeing this as yet more proof of his emotional involvement?? On a brighter note, I will be seeing my attorney next week. Depending on his advice, I will or will not confront my husband.
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Not only are you right for seeing this as emotional involvement..it is a full blown physical affair. You have known all this time without letting him know? HOW??? I wish I could be as calm as you...after finding out about an affair my husband has been having for over a year just this past weekend. I could never just hold that within me...and for as long as you have..WOW! Do you have any kids with this loser?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Edith, I've said this before... If you are privy to where and when, MAKE IT A PARTY. Invite her husband their parents, everyone you know! I think you will regret not having atleast a little fun with this. He's loving this and wanting you to believe his lies! This isn't a!out you or her, its baout HIM. I'm sorry this is plaguing you. Good luck, with the attorney.
califnan Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 So, many of you know my story - my husband had an emotional affair for 1.5 years with a woman he used to work with, which turned physical just last week. For a while I was torn, wondering if he was emotionally involved with her or not, and have been asking for opinions. Just today, after having told her how "amazing" she was in bed, I see an email from over the weekend where he simply writes "You... what am I going to do with you?!". It was out of context so I don't know what he meant. But I assume he is mesmerized by how much alike they are, sexually - that seems to be an ongoing issue of theirs. Then I talked to him at work and he sounded really busy. I read an email later, from her today asking if he was blowing her off, because he was supposed to write her with a time for their "date" tomorrow. THEN - here's the topper - he writes her back 1.5 HOURS later, and APOLOGIZES for the "delay". Delay?? Because it took him a little over an hour?? My husband never apologizes for big things, let alone small ones. But he apologized to her. Then he says that he "definitely" wants to see her but they need to move it to Thursday... Am I right in seeing this as yet more proof of his emotional involvement?? On a brighter note, I will be seeing my attorney next week. Depending on his advice, I will or will not confront my husband. --------------------- I think Edith, you must find your own way about determining his degree of affection for her .. Personally I think most intimacy leads to genuine affection. And of course he is appologizing to her, for putting off the date - Sex is ever so important to men - especially New sex, I guess. The Attorney: With the business and property involved - the attorney will probably wish for you to be certain of your decision before he proceeds .. With self employed people there are appraisals unless partners decide (together) in advance the division. Also, with a self emplyed individual - there is less liklihood of being able to establish true income.. The reason why I don't think your husband should have much advance warning of a divorce - is because if a man cheats on his wife - he (particularly a self-employed) can hide assets as well ..
califnan Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Edith, I've said this before... If you are privy to where and when, MAKE IT A PARTY. Invite her husband their parents, everyone you know! I think you will regret not having atleast a little fun with this. He's loving this and wanting you to believe his lies! This isn't a!out you or her, its baout HIM. I'm sorry this is plaguing you. Good luck, with the attorney. --------------------- I feel sorry for Edith's discovery, because BS's are at first very niave and trusting to the point of not wishing to believe the spouse could have an affair or emotion for another. .. But, I don't know how else Edith could be having fun (on Him) than to be able to read all of his communications - and to know what they are doing - Without his knowledge .... What a Joke ... on Him! ha
stillafool Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Edith, you have been going around and around with this and you know he is in love with this OW. I think you have plenty of evidence now of his on going affair with this lady so you need to stop reading every piece of correspondence between them. You are driving yourself crazy. Why don't you take a couple of days and go out of town and relax a bit. At this point you don't have to keep asking us the same questions everyday because surely by now you know the answer. Thank God you have your appointment with an attorney next week so you can start moving on with your life. I can't see why an atty. would tell you not to tell your husband that you know he is having an affair. What do you plan to do surprise him with divorce papers?
MizzBlue72 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 hmmmm . . . . . ever see the show 'Cheaters'???? Take a camera
scatterd Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Edith my prayers are with you I wish I could find proof I hope you find the happiness you deserve after having to endure this awful pain I can tell you are strong and I wish you the best This is his loss he will figure that out soon,But you will have better luck next time You found out his kind and your eyes will be wide open.Good luck and big hugs.
bittersweet memories Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 So, many of you know my story - my husband had an emotional affair for 1.5 years with a woman he used to work with, which turned physical just last week. For a while I was torn, wondering if he was emotionally involved with her or not, and have been asking for opinions. Just today, after having told her how "amazing" she was in bed, I see an email from over the weekend where he simply writes "You... what am I going to do with you?!". It was out of context so I don't know what he meant. But I assume he is mesmerized by how much alike they are, sexually - that seems to be an ongoing issue of theirs. Then I talked to him at work and he sounded really busy. I read an email later, from her today asking if he was blowing her off, because he was supposed to write her with a time for their "date" tomorrow. THEN - here's the topper - he writes her back 1.5 HOURS later, and APOLOGIZES for the "delay". Delay?? Because it took him a little over an hour?? My husband never apologizes for big things, let alone small ones. But he apologized to her. Then he says that he "definitely" wants to see her but they need to move it to Thursday... Am I right in seeing this as yet more proof of his emotional involvement?? On a brighter note, I will be seeing my attorney next week. Depending on his advice, I will or will not confront my husband. You will see how in love he is with her once you confront him..
bittersweet memories Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 hmmmm . . . . . ever see the show 'Cheaters'???? Take a camera I use to love that show...I don't believe its on anymore.
stillafool Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 You will see how in love he is with her once you confront him.. Oh yes this is true. You won't really know until you expose the affair. He might do as some MM do and throw her under the next bus rolling. Also she will be in fear of her H finding out and may throw him under the first bus she sees also.
stillafool Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I use to love that show...I don't believe its on anymore. It's still on. I think it is so hilarious when the cheating partner is exposed.
GaLwAyGiRL Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Like Jt said Edith...you sound like you have a very clear head. PLEASE don't let this eat you alive because trust me IT WILL...I have been where you are and I'm the same way you are I can keep it together till I can fully detonate. What difference will it make if he doesn't love her? are you going to stay with him? I hope you find your answers and peace very soon! p.s. The show "Cheaters" is my guilty pleasure!
Author edith Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 Guys, I am having second thoughts... I see a glimmer of hope. Since Monday, he has not written to her. She asked if he was blowing her off about setting up another sex meeting, he wrote back saying that Thursday would be better for him... She wrote back saying she couldn't wait to see him... and he wrote nothing back. Then yesterday again she emailed him, and said she'd be going to the office to see someone else next Wednesday. Again, no reply from him. He is ignoring her again - granted, he has done this before. Stops writing her and a few weeks later starts everything again. But isn't this even more proof that he's using her for sex and doesn't feel anything? Do you think he might be feeling guilty? I know I shouldn't feel hopeful, but I have a 3-year-old and a 18-month-old with this man. We've been married for almost 5 years. I thank you in advance for your honesty. Am I just fooling myself that he doesn't want her? If he did, why would he ignore her?? (I've been keeping track of his cell phone, b/c I have his password and he doesn't know it. No calls.)
bittersweet memories Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Guys, I am having second thoughts... I see a glimmer of hope. Since Monday, he has not written to her. She asked if he was blowing her off about setting up another sex meeting, he wrote back saying that Thursday would be better for him... She wrote back saying she couldn't wait to see him... and he wrote nothing back. Then yesterday again she emailed him, and said she'd be going to the office to see someone else next Wednesday. Again, no reply from him. He is ignoring her again - granted, he has done this before. Stops writing her and a few weeks later starts everything again. But isn't this even more proof that he's using her for sex and doesn't feel anything? Do you think he might be feeling guilty? I know I shouldn't feel hopeful, but I have a 3-year-old and a 18-month-old with this man. We've been married for almost 5 years. I thank you in advance for your honesty. Am I just fooling myself that he doesn't want her? If he did, why would he ignore her?? (I've been keeping track of his cell phone, b/c I have his password and he doesn't know it. No calls.) Maybe he responded to her in a different way..by text or a phone call.
OFGnomore Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 You will see how in love he is with her once you confront him.. Well Edith, you'll see at that moment what he will do. And what you will also see after some time, that A's can pick up again, or WSs go lurking, etc. I guess I don't understand why you're sitting back and watching all this? You have a child that was only 3 months old when the EA started and you've only been married for 5 years. To have this happen so early in an M with such young children is a huge red flag about this zebra ever changing him stripes. But maybe it's worth it to give his ONE and only One chance, for the children.
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 No dear. I think just the opposite. He's pulling back because he does have feelings for her. He's afraid of getting sloppy and getting caught. As soon as he's over it, it will start anew. Please see your lawyer as planned.
bananalaffytaffy Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Edith, even on the longshot that he's using her for sex, which I doubt, why would you put up with that from your own husband?
OFGnomore Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Edith, even on the longshot that he's using her for sex, which I doubt, why would you put up with that from your own husband? Because she's faced with 2 evils, staying with a cheater for the children, which I see him ultimately leaving or raising 2 kids on her own and regardless of what anyone says, those kids will get hurt either way.
Author edith Posted April 29, 2010 Author Posted April 29, 2010 That's exactly my problem. I want my kids to grow up with their father, and I do know he's the worst husband, but he's an amazing dad. This is my dilemma. I just had a very hurtful thought... I wrote that, since he's ignoring her, he's likely only using her for sex, right? Well, if he is only using her for sex, he WOULD keep the sex part going... and he hasn't. He's pulling back, I assume because of our family. If he felt nothing for her, and was only after a sex thrill, meeting her would mean nothing to him, right? He'd get it as often as needed and that would be it. No threat. But why would a man turn down an offer for sex from someone he's been "seeing" for 1.5 years? Am I right? Or way off base? Thanks for your opinions - I know they're only opinions and are not coming from the source, but they're so helpful in helping me figure all of this out in my head. Especially now that I'm having second thoughts.
bittersweet memories Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 That's exactly my problem. I want my kids to grow up with their father, and I do know he's the worst husband, but he's an amazing dad. This is my dilemma. I just had a very hurtful thought... I wrote that, since he's ignoring her, he's likely only using her for sex, right? Well, if he is only using her for sex, he WOULD keep the sex part going... and he hasn't. He's pulling back, I assume because of our family. If he felt nothing for her, and was only after a sex thrill, meeting her would mean nothing to him, right? He'd get it as often as needed and that would be it. No threat. But why would a man turn down an offer for sex from someone he's been "seeing" for 1.5 years? Am I right? Or way off base? Thanks for your opinions - I know they're only opinions and are not coming from the source, but they're so helpful in helping me figure all of this out in my head. Especially now that I'm having second thoughts. There is NO DOUBT in my mind this man will continue his affair until he is busted. Than his true colors will show. He might of pulled back a bit but be prepare for more to come..this is just the begining.
PhoenixRise Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Edith I think you are just going to have to accept the fact that your H has feeling for this woman. You sitting around monitoring their daily communications for clues is not helping you. IF he doesn't have feelings for her and is just using her for sex then even if their relationship ends what is to stop him from just finding another OW? Edith, has your marriage ever been good? Beyond this affair, what kind of man is your H? AND Please keep your appointment with the attorney. No matter what you decide to do you will at least know where you stand financially if you decide to divorce or if your husband leaves you.
GaLwAyGiRL Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 Edith I think you are just going to have to accept the fact that your H has feeling for this woman. You sitting around monitoring their daily communications for clues is not helping you. IF he doesn't have feelings for her and is just using her for sex then even if their relationship ends what is to stop him from just finding another OW? Edith, has your marriage ever been good? Beyond this affair, what kind of man is your H? AND Please keep your appointment with the attorney. No matter what you decide to do you will at least know where you stand financially if you decide to divorce or if your husband leaves you. very well said! Good luck Edith..we are all here for you reguardless.
OFGnomore Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 (edited) Good father? Seriously, he's betraying his children by having sex with another woman outside of their mother. Good father? Stay in the M as Mad Mission does, with awareness if that is your choice, but please don't accept your circumstances that your H is a good father when he's actively having sex with another woman. I think by staying you'll extract some extra time with your H, but you'll pay a high price personally. It's never right to have an affair, 3.5 years is very early in a M and tells me there is a deep, deep character flaw in this guy and ultimately this M will end, by you or him. Maybe you stay, til the children get to be school age and you have a steady job, but damn it, start planning now for that see your lawyer! Edited April 29, 2010 by OFGnomore
John Who Posted April 29, 2010 Posted April 29, 2010 whole story just seems odd to be,how could anyone man or woman sit around knowing spouse is about to cheat on him/her and do nothing about it. You have all this information,and yet you still have not confronted him,or done nothing about it. Maybe I am crossing the line here and assuming,but are you the OW pretending to be the BS?
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