carhill Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 We each get to decide what is relevant (and not) regarding our parameters for compatibility. If it doesn't line up (the acceptance of that reality or the parameters themselves), then, next
123BeachFan Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 If it's important to know if you and your mate are on the same page morally (I use that term loosely) in regards to sexual attitudes, there are other ways to discover this without needing actual head count of past experiences to do so. I mean, you can say something like, "It's important to me that sex be reserved for people who are married or engaged." And ask them their thoughts. Or, "I don't respect people who have had multiple ONS." Etc. Headcount of past experiences doesn't give you all that much in regard to their moral attitude. I'm thinking of a guy friend of mine who lost his virginity when he was 22. Got married at 29, with the 3rd sexual partner in his life. And when he got divorced when he was maybe 36, hit depression and was very promiscuous for maybe 4 years. At that point, he "stabilized" and went on to have pretty healthy LTR's with the occasional STR (he's 46 now). I never asked, but let's just say he had one partner every month during his wild years -- 48. Just knowing that he had maybe 56 partners doesn't tell you much in itself. I mean, he's more stable now than he was 50 lovers ago. And if you met him when he was 22, would you instinctively know that in 15 years he'd be sleeping all over town? I bet not And on the flip side, I know more than one person that would take every ONS offer up if they could just get the offers.
janie423 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Believe me, a lot of guys will be turned off if they find out you have been with 30 guys. That is a lot for someone who is 27. If I were you, I would try to avoid mentioning anything at all. I am surprised people even ask. I don't think 30 is a high number for a person 27 years old. That is the age group where experimentation is most frequent. I think that number is normal. As one ages, generally, the number of partners drops off drastically. But 30 is not bad. But yes, I would not tell a man how many partners you have had. Lest we forget, there is a double standard out there.
make me believe Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 With a casual partner I don't care & don't ask how many people they've been with. As long as they are STD free and we are using protection, that's all I need. In a relationship, though, I can't help but be curious. In my current relationship I had a feeling my number was higher than my BF's, so I kinda dreaded it when he asked, but I was honest. I'm 27 and he was my 11th partner, he's 31 and I was his 4th. I've had casual sex and he's only had sex within committed relationships & all of his relationships have been long-term, so... I think it's best to be honest if your partner asks about your history. (By partner I mean you're in an exclusive, committed relationship.) I would be SO upset if later on down the line I found out my BF had lied about his number. I'm sure he doesn't like that I've been with so many more people than he has, but he is realistic about it. I don't think 11 is a lot for a 27 yr old (I don't think 30 is either). If your BF dumps you because of your number, don't you think you're better off without him anyway? I know I wouldn't want to be with somebody who was so insecure & ridiculous.
Sivok Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I'm 23 and have been with 11. A woman with a much higher number than me that I would date (18-23 age) probably would be a red flag for me. Just because cheating is so prominent at that age and I've been cheated on before, which sucks heh. I dont think 30 at 27 is too many. I know MANY young working professionals who just don't have the time or standing to desire a healthy relationship, so they have hookups and/or one night stands instead to relieve the stress every now and then. One of my friends is 23 and has been with 72 women . If I was a girl, I'd definitely avoid dating him
tincanman99 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I dont ask and dont want to know. I have found that knowing the number is never a good thing because in some people it seeds things in their brain that you can never take out. If a woman asks me I will tell her more than 0 and less than 1 million jokingly. I am just evasive because some people get paranoid. With many men if they find out if you have with more than say 10 they will immediately label you a slut. Not saying you are nor passing judgement but thats how some guys think. Its better to keep it to yourself.
homersheineken Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I always ask because I need to know. The number itself is not as important as the mindset/reasoning behind it, though. This is a lie. If the number itself wasn't important, than why not just ask why did you have sex with your partners in the past. I have dumped one woman because of this. I have no regrets and would do it again. So you admit it is very important to you. You ended a relationship over it. She had lied about it when I asked her, that alone was a huge red flag. I always ask because a woman's mindset/attitude about sex is important. I want to find a partner who shares my values. I am curious, why lie about your number when you could just say "That's none of your business"? I don't get it. Also, are you okay with being lied to about things you'd consider important or does it piss you off when that happens to you? I am 31, slept with three women. I agree, don't lie about it. Much better to say, "None of your business" or "I'll never tell".
homersheineken Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I just don't see what good can possibly come out of this question. And I honestly don't care how many they've had. "Well if it's (a lot) more than I had, then they are too promiscuous and that's unattractive." OR "They didn't have many as I did so they probably won't be any good at it." What ever happened in the past is past and that is what made you attracted to the person in the first place, so what's the problem?
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