D-Lish Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 1 in 4 Americans have genital Herpes-most don't know it. What do you are the chances you have it? Well, 40 chicks- 10 of those chicks.... His chances are 25% in favour of "probably"?
MrNate Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Any one else get a feeling this thread won't end well?
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 (edited) Yep. I have that feeling as well mrnate. Didn't realize the "adults" on here weren't able to have a conversation without belittling strangers for being open. Take the negativity elsewhere. Edited April 27, 2010 by ImThinkingWTF
JohnP82 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I don't know when it's appropriate to ask, but I would say that the first date is not the ideal time. I wouldn't want to be in a serious relationship with a woman that has slept with more than 10 guys. 26, slept with less than 5 women. I have never dumped anyone, but I was dumped early in my dating life when I was a virgin for being a virgin.
Lizzie60 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 When is it appropriate, if ever, to ask the person you are dating/talking to/going steady with how many sexual partners they have had? Has anyone here ever been dumped or dumped someone for having a too high or too low number? I personally try to avoid this question if at all possible I've never been dumped or dumped someone based on their number. Because quite frankly, I have ALWAYS lied. Every single time someone I'm interested in or dating has asked me I always say 8. I have a feeling that most people, especially after they get more than a few notches in their bedpost aren't completely forthcoming... Also I think it would be interesting to see How many people everyone on here has been with....and their age. I'm a 27 year old female and I've slept with over 30 guys and...5 women It's never appropriate IMO.. plus... you most likely won't know the truth... and it would make you look insecure..
Lizzie60 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Oups.. I just read the last part of the post. I'm female, 57, been with over 300+ men.. never had a sexual experiment with a woman.. not interested. Up until I was 49, I had +- 8 partners.
Rearden Metal Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I'm 32, lost count of partners in the high 20's/lower 30's. I actually can't remember several of their names at this point. I've had 5 meaningful relationships that were much more than sexual. The rest were purely sexual or we were dating but not seriously.
Stockalone Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 When is it appropriate, if ever, to ask the person you are dating/talking to/going steady with how many sexual partners they have had? I always ask because I need to know. The number itself is not as important as the mindset/reasoning behind it, though. Has anyone here ever been dumped or dumped someone for having a too high or too low number? I have dumped one woman because of this. I have no regrets and would do it again. She had lied about it when I asked her, that alone was a huge red flag. I always ask because a woman's mindset/attitude about sex is important. I want to find a partner who shares my values. I have ALWAYS lied. I am curious, why lie about your number when you could just say "That's none of your business"? I don't get it. Also, are you okay with being lied to about things you'd consider important or does it piss you off when that happens to you? Also I think it would be interesting to see How many people everyone on here has been with....and their age. I am 31, slept with three women.
phineas Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I don't think it is ever appropriate to ask. All I care about is if we are both healthy and not caring any STDs. Same here. don't need a score card.
ChemicalFire Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I just don't think it's needed. It would only make you seem mistrusting and that it would effect your feelings for someone. And plus it's nicer just to pretended you're their first every time ^_^. If it matters I'm 18, male and have had 2 sexual partners.
123BeachFan Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 The number of past sex partners is really none of your SO's business. As you get older, and that number gets higher, it gets less attractive to your current mate as to how many people you've gotten naked with. Even if a guy (or girl) asks and appears to want to know, they really don't want to know! I mean, think about it. Your current mate is going to feel more threatened by a person with 30 past partners than someone with, say 5. They are going to start thinking that you are comparing them to your past experiences, etc. When that topic of conversation comes up, I will discuss significant relationships. But I won't give head count (or more appropriate, tail count). I'll let them do the math if they want. But not everything has to be open for discussion just because you're sleeping with someone. Likewise, I don't ask questions that I wouldn't answer myself.
prettybaby Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I'm 27 and I've had 2. If I hadn't married the wrong one a few years ago, my current boyfriend would be my one and only. I do wonder about his number once in a while, but it's not something I've ever felt the need to ask. I can't really imagine what good it would do.
northstar1 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 The number isn't all that important to me...........unless It is really high (like 25 plus etc) and there is a psychological/emotional reason behind that number. For example, if they were assaulted in their younger years and as a result have a very different view of intimacy and what sex means and that's lead to having a lot of partners. That is something I would want to know, as that can really have a lasting impact on their self-esteem and how they deal with issues in life. I'm not saying they are 'broken' at all, but rather it is something that is worth knowing as a partner to better understand them.
kiss_andmakeup Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 My boyfriend and I know ballpark for each other, actually I have never outright told him mine and he has never asked. His is a lot higher than mine because he is more than 10 years older than me. A lot of guys just don't want their girl's to be higher than theirs. And admittedly, I'd feel kind of weird dating a guy who has only had 1 or 2 partners when I've been with more. Not sure why.
CarrieT Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 The number isn't all that important to me...........unless It is really high (like 25 plus etc) and there is a psychological/emotional reason behind that number. For example, if they were assaulted in their younger years and as a result have a very different view of intimacy and what sex means and that's lead to having a lot of partners. That is something I would want to know, as that can really have a lasting impact on their self-esteem and how they deal with issues in life. I'm not saying they are 'broken' at all, but rather it is something that is worth knowing as a partner to better understand them. Out of curiosity, would age factor into that analysis for you? Because what you describe was me, twenty years ago. I admit to having had 100+ partners, but that was in my 20s. I have also been 100% committed and monogamous in every relationship I have been in (*I* was the one cheated on). We all do things in our youth and would age and experience mitigate those high numbers? I'm asking because I'm wondering how older men will perceive me when/if I even find someone to date...
dreamingoftigers Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Well, it depends what you call a "sexual partner." A bf when I was 16-18: 1 A ONs : 1 A fiance that I never actually had IC with: 1 One guy that I tried something different with: 1 My husband: 1 There have been guys I gave bjs to, but I don't count these. I really only count the guys I had vag. IC with, so: 3 I am 27
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 I am curious, why lie about your number when you could just say "That's none of your business"? I don't get it. Also, are you okay with being lied to about things you'd consider important or does it piss you off when that happens to you? Good question. I have said its not their business. But not often. I was asked this question recently and I sidestepped it. If asked again I will probably say I don't think its an appropriate question. The reason why I say 8 is because I count the ones that meant something and the few after I out of my partying stage but were still a fling or ons. I do get upset when someone lies but I also think that people are capable after Change and growth.
Sazerac Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Definitely a "don't ask, don't tell" scenario. If someone were to ask me, I would ask them, "Why should you need to know?" As has been stated before in this thread, unless it was for fear of STD's (which can be tested for without revealing one's sexual history), that's no one else's business. Where do people get off thinking that they need to know every single thing about someone else, no matter how personal it is?
JohnP82 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Where do people get off thinking that they need to know every single thing about someone else, no matter how personal it is? Perhaps people want to know to determine if their beliefs and morals match up with their partner like someone said above. Some people want to know as much as possible when deciding to spend their life with another.
northstar1 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Out of curiosity, would age factor into that analysis for you? Because what you describe was me, twenty years ago. I admit to having had 100+ partners, but that was in my 20s. I have also been 100% committed and monogamous in every relationship I have been in (*I* was the one cheated on). We all do things in our youth and would age and experience mitigate those high numbers? I'm asking because I'm wondering how older men will perceive me when/if I even find someone to date... I would be more curious if that high number was as a result of some trauma that has led to emotional distress and self esteem issues. ie. being assaulted and then having no attachment to intimacy and that sex becomes a way to try and garner love as they only see their worth as being of a physical nature. That can have a ripple effect that can come up during relationships and how they cope with issues. Not so much if someone just really enjoyed casual sex in their youth.
Stockalone Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 The reason why I say 8 is because I count the ones that meant something and the few after I out of my partying stage but were still a fling or ons. Well, that makes no sense at all to me. I am still as flabbergasted as always when these topics are discussed, but thanks for answering. I do get upset when someone lies but I also think that people are capable after Change and growth. I don't think that lying shows any sign of growth. That said, I am a bit surprised that you are even facing this dilemma. It seems that most people adhere to a "Don't ask, don't tell policy".
carhill Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Perhaps people want to know to determine if their beliefs and morals match up with their partner like someone said above. Some people want to know as much as possible when deciding to spend their life with another. Presumably, like with other factors of compatibility, one might place more importance and relevance upon relationship history with someone they intended to marry and have children with over someone they would only casually date (and the range in between). Real life experience has often been at odds with this presumption, however. Cognition and sex don't really match up too well
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 Well, that makes no sense at all to me. I am still as flabbergasted as always when these topics are discussed, but thanks for answering. I don't think that lying shows any sign of growth. That said, I am a bit surprised that you are even facing this dilemma. It seems that most people adhere to a "Don't ask, don't tell policy". Haha I agree that lying doesn't show a sign of growth. I know my reasons make no sense. The last time I was asked before the other day was 2 years ago and we dated for 2 years but yeah I'm just not going to answer this time around
Lizzie60 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Definitely a "don't ask, don't tell" scenario. If someone were to ask me, I would ask them, "Why should you need to know?" As has been stated before in this thread, unless it was for fear of STD's (which can be tested for without revealing one's sexual history), that's no one else's business. Where do people get off thinking that they need to know every single thing about someone else, no matter how personal it is?[/QUOTE] Best comment on that thread.. sooo true.
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