ImThinkingWTF Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 When is it appropriate, if ever, to ask the person you are dating/talking to/going steady with how many sexual partners they have had? Has anyone here ever been dumped or dumped someone for having a too high or too low number? I personally try to avoid this question if at all possible I've never been dumped or dumped someone based on their number. Because quite frankly, I have ALWAYS lied. Every single time someone I'm interested in or dating has asked me I always say 8. I have a feeling that most people, especially after they get more than a few notches in their bedpost aren't completely forthcoming... Also I think it would be interesting to see How many people everyone on here has been with....and their age. I'm a 27 year old female and I've slept with over 30 guys and...5 women
CarrieT Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I don't think it is ever appropriate to ask. All I care about is if we are both healthy and not caring any STDs.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 I agree. Im not religious...so it doesn't matter to me. As long as they are clean. I will say that my early 20s were rather....wild. I'd rather not be judged on poor choices I made back then.
TheBigQuestion Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 It's usually not a good idea to ask. I used to think it was something I'd want to know. Then I realized that most women lie straight through their teeth about it, because they typically will have way more partners than your typical guy. That said, it's not necessarily a dealbreaker one way or the other. Having a large amount of partners can be a symptom of very severe emotional distress, egotism, etc, and naturally puts that person at greater risk for STDs. It can be a sign that the person has no qualms about merely using people as sexual objects (after all, even if you do get to the point where you're comfortable talking about your significant other's sexual past, you probably don't ever get to hear the real stories as to how those sexual experiences started and ended). More rarely, but still quite probable, it could mean absolutely nothing negative at all. For me, ignorance is bliss.
CarrieT Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 There is another thought; is there a degree of a number that makes a difference? The OP admits she lies and says 8 when five times that amount. What is the difference between 8 and 30 -- or 30 and 300? Are there varying degrees of a large number? 8 partners is okay, but then so is 10? If 10 is not bad, is 20? See what I'm saying? And, if it matters, I stopped counting around 100; men and women.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 Like at what number is someone considered a slut? As long as I think my number is less than theirs, I feel good. I had a male friend / fwb that had slept with a lot of women. In the 200 range. He's the only guy I told the truthful number to. I still don't think his number was "bad" because he didn't look or act sleazy.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 Also it makes a difference to me if they are someone I'd want a serious relationship with. Not their number but mine. Maybe That's my insecurity...
USMCHokie Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I will never ask this. STD-free is all that matters to me.
TheBigQuestion Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 There is another thought; is there a degree of a number that makes a difference? The OP admits she lies and says 8 when five times that amount. What is the difference between 8 and 30 -- or 30 and 300? Are there varying degrees of a large number? 8 partners is okay, but then so is 10? If 10 is not bad, is 20? See what I'm saying? And, if it matters, I stopped counting around 100; men and women. This varies from person to person. Your average altar boy/church choir girl might think that having had sex with 6 or 7 people by the time you're in your early 20s (I use this age range because that's where I am) is too much/slutty. As it stands right now, I'd be kind of uncomfortable knowingly getting emotionally and physically involved with someone in my age range who has had double my own number of partners, more or less. Since I've had 8, if a girl has had 16 or more, I'd be cautious. Triple my own number and I'd say there's a good chance there's something seriously wrong with her. Then again, as I said, it's pretty much my policy to not want to know these things anyway.
Fouts Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I don't think it is ever appropriate to ask. All I care about is if we are both healthy and not caring any STDs. Agreed, that question is for when you're in high school and wanting to know who the chicks are that peel their panties off the fastest
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 Agreed, that question is for when you're in high school and wanting to know who the chicks are that peel their panties off the fastest Lmao!!!! that's soooo effing funny.
Dido Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 My current SO knows how many people I've slept with--six or so and all in LTRs. He doesn't like talking about his past because, I know that he's slept with number that is MUCH higher than mine. All of his encounters in ONS and STR. He says to me that his past is completely irrelevant and the only person that matters is me and our future. He's correct and I believe he's correct because I believe that he is committed to me and our relationship. STILL--I can't help but want to know. I think it's completely inappropriate to ask about past partners unless there's a huge emotional trauma that needs to be understood before both of you embark on a relationship. I think that this knowledge will only hurt the relationship. Too little partners--how does he/she know that I'm good/the best/does he/she want to go out and try someone new? Or too much--how can I ever compare?/how can I trust this person to feel for me when they didn't feel in the past?/Will they get bored of me? STILL--there's a little nagging part in me. I still want to know! I want to know every girl, name, age and what they did. I want to know because I feel a bit jealous. There's absolutely no reason to feel this jealously. I just feel a small twinge when I think about his past--that he's slept with so many people. I want to justify this irrational feeling by thinking about all the girls that he's been with. It's like feeding a little monster. There's no good that can come out of it. It's completely destructive. Hope this helps--try not to feed it. I wouldn't even disclose how many people you've slept with. Just say it's irrelevant--because it is.
Green Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I'll ask because I enjoy the punishment... But STD free is what matters most
Chicago_Guy Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Also it makes a difference to me if they are someone I'd want a serious relationship with. Not their number but mine. Maybe That's my insecurity... Believe me, a lot of guys will be turned off if they find out you have been with 30 guys. That is a lot for someone who is 27. If I were you, I would try to avoid mentioning anything at all. I am surprised people even ask.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 Wow Chicago guy...for some reason your reply really struck me the wrong way.
Chicago_Guy Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Wow Chicago guy...for some reason your reply really struck me the wrong way. It is true. A guy who sleeps around himself probably won't care at all how many men a woman has been with because he is either the same way or he has no intention of being in a long-term relationship or marriage with her. But the type of guy who doesn't sleep around and is looking for his wife will probably be turned off if his number is a lot lower than hers. Believe me, this is how guys think about this.
alphamale Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 When is it appropriate, if ever, to ask the person you are dating/talking to/going steady with how many sexual partners they have had? its never appropriate because its a very personal thing. i have a "don't ask don't tell" policy on this
carhill Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I think it would be interesting to see How many people everyone on here has been with....and their age. 4 and 50; married ten years. There are other past threads on this issue. I've never asked a woman her numbers. I have asked about her relationship history, a result of a long-ago love affair of mine which started with a presumably/visibly single woman who turned out to be married. Since, I've been more careful in that regard. If the lady is compatible, the number of men she's been with in the past will have little to no bearing on the potential for a healthy relationship, IMO. That said, the content of her past *can* have a bearing psychologically on how she views intimacy, and, hence, intimacy and emotional styles, a component of compatibility. Read my postings in the referenced thread for further perspective.
tami-chan Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 its never appropriate because its a very personal thing. i have a "don't ask don't tell" policy on this Funny . I ask because I can. I have slept with 2 people. If it is offensive to him...oh well..NEXT!
D-Lish Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Funny . I ask because I can. I have slept with 2 people. If it is offensive to him...oh well..NEXT! I can't see that offending anyone! If anything, a man will know you value whom you choose to sleep with. I also have a don't ask, don't tell POV Alphie. I agree that it's a personal choice to talk about that sort of stuff. I don't feel I have a right to know or ask, and I like to keep that information to myself as well. It's just personal to some people.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 I'm 33 and I've had sex with 9 people. 5 were long-term partners, and the other 4 were very short term (1-10 times). Who will be lucky #10? I have discussed numbers with every serious partner, in the interest of getting to know each other and sharing our views on sex, but I've never judged a guy for his number and only once felt judged myself -- by my high school sweetheart who was furious I wasn't a virgin but he was. But he turned out to be a real jerk and later apologized for being such a butt about it.
spookie Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 i'm on #7. interestingly, no one past my #1 has ever asked me my number. i think i'd volunteered it to #'s 2 and 3, who'd both been surprised it was that low. i am my #7's #5. personally, i've come to a point where i will also not ask/ won't share, but it was a nice surprise to learn my bf isn't slutty. based on how sexual he is, i would have guessed he'd had sex with dozens of women, but he says he's never even had a ons.
Romance Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Once we became 'official' i'd ask. i have to know, i am very very nosy.
tami-chan Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 i've had sex with around 40 chicks 1 in 4 Americans have genital Herpes-most don't know it. What do you are the chances you have it?
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