4givrnt4gtr Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 So ive been dating this awesome guy for a month now. As it is Ive always had relationship anxiety (hence why i have like a gazillion posts here) but with him I feel like...wow horsy slow down.... The strange thing is that there is really nothing wrong with him...as in he treats me like a queen, like ive never been treated before, he has a good heart, we have lots of things in common, we both have the same type of plans etc. My issue is that he seems so eager to be with me that scares me. Like....Im talking getting married and having kids type of eager. Sure we've known each other for maybe 6 months but we've only dated for one. He is definitely not the player type, he's more the insecured type. Actually we've discussed how he needs to get more self assurance and he really needs to realize how good he is. Anyway, to illustrate my point over the weekend I had to take plan B due to a mishap in our protection. He was awesome as no other guy has ever been. He went to the clinic with me, talk to the doctors, got the pills etc. Im used to dealing with all that by myself but he kept saying "we're in this together". I loved that. Well, later on we were discussing, as it is our thing when we get carried away, our future. During this discussion he said "you know, I was kind of disappointed when you took the pill....i kinda secretly wished that you have gotten pregnant, I really want to have kids with you". I was blown away....and even he said he knew that was really irrational of him, but thats how he felt. I felt a mixture of "what the heck are you talking about!" and a "aww i kinda did too"..... So needless to say I'm a complete confused mess. On one hand ITS BEEN ONLY A MONTH!! we both need to slow down and use our brains....on the other....i seriously let my emotions get away from me and end up joining him in his mad dash to....well god knows what. Now the other issue i have is that he used a lot of drugs when he was a teenager. He used it as a way to rebel and act out but it got to a point where he had to go into a rehab program to stop using. He has been sober for over a decade now (he is 29) and is successful with two careers but the idea of addiction scares me. Clearly he tends to be impulsive, and I'm worried that what got him in drugs is the same thing that is making him so adamant and eager to be with me.... What do you guys think?? how do I slow us down so I can REALLY get to know him and make an inform decision about our future later on?
123BeachFan Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 First of all, let me just say that there's nothing romantic in getting pregnant one month into a relationship. It's a bit alarming if he was really thinking, if you were pregnant, it would give him that added "relationship insurance" that you guys are permanent and not just temporary. I'd like to just think he was trying to sound valiant and romantic, and it came out funny. Good, though, that he was supportive of you through that process. Not all guys would do that. I think at this point in the relationship, it's okay for the two of you to say what you're ultimately looking for (as in, you are both seeking a monogamous LTR that could lead to marriage and a family). But at a month in, it is really too early to be talking about being married to each other. Both of you have the right and the obligation to get to know each other first before making huge lifetime commitments. What I suggest that you do is the next time he gets too serious is to say, "I really like you, but let's take things at a relaxed pace and not discuss ____ so early in the relationship." Or something to that effect. I'm not saying this is the case here, but oftentimes, the people who push fast into a relationship are trying to win you over fast, and are hiding elements of themselves from you. Get to know him, the good and the bad, before you yourself decide to jump in with both feet. If your reaction to his super speedy approach is flattery-swoon, beware because you might not be level headed in everything.
Mary3 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Please put on a Chastity Belt so he can calm down.... RED FLAGS when a guy / or a girl / rushes into things. WHY ? Because they are indeed insecure.....
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