Taucher Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Hello everyone, I used to post in the break ups section...but I am over that now. I am in the world of enjoying being single now.... ...so I am seeing this girl. I live in London. She is Colombian and lives near me. We met through a friend. We hit it off. We meet up 3 or 4 times a week. We go to restaurants and touristy stuff in London, which is fun cos I live here and have never done it. We are sort of flirty, we link arms and go for what are quite romantic walks along the river, stuff like that. However, she is quite shy and there are some communication issues; her English is not great. So, weirdly, I am not quite sure what our status is. I like her A LOT, and we have such a laugh together. But we have only known each other about a month. I am not sure how to proceed as we have fallen into this situation without clearing up what we are doing! Culturally, I am not sure how dating etc works in Colombia so I am not sure if we are dating or she just likes having someone to do stuff with. I feel like asking her might not be the best thing as it might ruin what is a lot of fun. I feel so lame asking this. Gah! Any advice? T
ADF Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 You should explain your conerns to her in much the way you have here. I can tell you a little about Columbian culture, having spent several months there. Generally speaking, people in Columbia (and throughout Latin America) are more physically affectionate with friends than Anglo-American people are. This is especially true of women. For a Columbian woman to take your arm while walking next to you means nothing by itself. She would do that with any man, just as a matter of custom. Throughout much of Latin America, assertive women are fowned upon. That may the behind the "shyness" you described. Even if she has an interest in you, she might see it as unseemly to say so. Try talking to her in a non-threatneing, non-pushy way, and I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised.
USMCHokie Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Welcome back, Taucher! Long time no see. Well, it depends on what you want...if you want more from her, then you're going to have to establish your intentions, even if it may jeopardize what you have now...remember, never settle for something less than what you want... That being said, I have always preferred the direct route with things like this...short of just having the talk with her, have you even kissed her or made any sort of clear romantic gesture...?
Author Taucher Posted April 28, 2010 Author Posted April 28, 2010 Thanks for your responses... You should explain your conerns to her in much the way you have here. I can tell you a little about Columbian culture, having spent several months there. Generally speaking, people in Columbia (and throughout Latin America) are more physically affectionate with friends than Anglo-American people are. This is especially true of women. For a Columbian woman to take your arm while walking next to you means nothing by itself. She would do that with any man, just as a matter of custom. Throughout much of Latin America, assertive women are fowned upon. That may the behind the "shyness" you described. Even if she has an interest in you, she might see it as unseemly to say so. Try talking to her in a non-threatneing, non-pushy way, and I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised. Thanks for this. This is info that I can't get from friends and that. As far as the whole taking my arm thing, yes, maybe I am mis-reading this. It is quite intimate but more sort of friendly than sexy or romantic, if you see what I mean, so you have explained that. Also, her shyness could just be exactly as you say...waiting for me to take the lead. However, I am so unsure about how to act as the signs I am seeing are quite confusing. Welcome back, Taucher! Long time no see. Well, it depends on what you want...if you want more from her, then you're going to have to establish your intentions, even if it may jeopardize what you have now...remember, never settle for something less than what you want... That being said, I have always preferred the direct route with things like this...short of just having the talk with her, have you even kissed her or made any sort of clear romantic gesture...? Hey USMCHokie! Your advice and presence on the break up part of these forums was always appreciated. No, I have not kissed her. I have made romantic gestures but whether they are clear to her, I am not sure. There have been one or two times when I thought a kiss might be in the picture, at the end of a night, but she always very clearly presents her cheek to me so it has always been a quick peck and then home. She looks pleased when I touch her hand and I told her I thought she was beautiful. When I do this, she looks happy but remains impercetible. When I suggest doing something (I asked if she would like to go with me to my home city for a weekend, a music festival, cinema) she always says yes, she would love too...and she looks like she means it. I mean, we have texted each other every day for 3 weeks. The third time I met her, in a pub on Friday night with friends, we decided to go to another City the next day...so we did. We spent the whole weekend exploring and going to restaurants/cafes. We had seperate hotel rooms though. And then, on Saturday just gone, we were out and it was late and I said I was worried about her going home so late on her own...so she kind of hinted she could stay at mine. I offered to sleep on my sofa and let her have my bed but she insisted that we should sleep in the same bed. She said she "didnt mind" sharing a bed with me. And when she got in bed, she was fully clothed! We spent the whole night on opposite sides of my bed and didnt touch at all. My experience of women who want to sleep in my bed has been that this is a clear sign that they want me, basically, but she gave signals that it wasn't like that. I think. I am not usually so rubbish with women, but she has me in a head spin. Sorry for the long self-indulgent message. T
somedude81 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 No, I have not kissed her. You will not know what your status is till you try. On the cheek doesn't count as it's common for some Hispanic cultures. I knew a Brazilian woman who would be offended if you didn't kiss her on both her cheeks when you see her.
Arabella Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Yep. Many hispanic-based cultures kiss on the cheek. It's the common greeting for women to anyone, regardless of gender. She likes you and feels very comfortable with you, and I think she's just waiting for you to make the first move. She's giving you ALL kinds of signals and you're not doing anything about it! Stop posting and go kiss her before she thinks you're not interested and friendzones you Arabella
DustySaltus Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Hey T, good to hear from you. Just to let you know I have had mixed experiences when I was in your situation. One time I kind of got slapped in the face and another turned into a relationship. So let's just say you have a 50/50 shot...the question is, do you like her enough to take that chance?
alphamale Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Culturally, I am not sure how dating etc works in Colombia so I am not sure if we are dating or she just likes having someone to do stuff with. kissing works the same in colombia as in london
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