DontWorryBHappy Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 The last bit of communication I had with my ex was a sappy letter. He probably thinks I'm totally blaming myself for everything and wallowing in sorrow. But now I'm angry. If I could say anything to him right now this would be it: I got back into [my city] and suddenly a lot of things are much clearer to me. The weekend I spent in [ex's city] was completely draining and I'm emotionally exhausted to the core. When you were on the phone with me on the night of the breakup you always said you'd be there for me and that's something you've continued to say. You said we'd still chill and go to the mall together and things like that. But what I've found instead is that you're very hot and cold - yes... like the song. In [ex's city] you didn't exactly push me away when I kissed you at the club and in the chapel... and when you invited me to your room Saturday night you didn't exactly push me away then either. But every time you'd show any amount of affection you would go cold on me and avoid. I'd try to talk to you about the situation like an adult but you ignored my texts. How can you "be there for me" when you won't communicate? Honestly it makes me look back on our relationship and see that half the battle was the fact that you continuously told me everything was perfectly fine between us even when it wasn't. If you were trying to protect my feelings that was a poor way of doing so... I mean really, don't you think it hurt enough to let those things fester and then go through a breakup? Don't get me wrong - you still have my heart. But let's recognize that you play a role in this too and that you have some sorting out of yourself to attend to. Later..
EmperorR Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Because you'll feel like crap after. Trust Me I've been there, don't send it. The best thing you can do in situations like this is NOTHING, do nothing say nothing, keep your letters, poems thoughts to yourself.
Rearden Metal Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Because this shouts "you are affecting me, you are affecting me, YOU ARE AFFECTING ME!!!" One thing my girl said to me is that she realized just how incredibly strong I had become during our silence. She realized I wouldn't reach out to her and she speculated on how I was able to do it. I told her I'd have never said another word to her without her first speaking. I suggest you adopt this POV.
EricaH329 Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Give me a good reason why I shouldnt send this: Because he doesn't care. I think you should keep that letter to yourself, and acknowledge the fact that he isn't right for you for those exact reasons. He has a lot of self-reflection to do, and no matter what you say, he will never realize that unless it's on his own. You can't force someone to take a look at themselves. They need to do it by themselves. The relationship is over. Even though he has told you he wants to be there for you (whatever that might mean to him and you), the both of you are no longer in a romantic relationship. He doesn't owe you anything, and you don't owe him anything. I'd suggest not sending it, and letting it go. Learn what you did wrong in this situation, and try to improve yourself in those aspects. Focus on yourself, and allow the problems of other people to remain just that. Their problems. Not yours.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted April 27, 2010 Author Posted April 27, 2010 BAH! Trust me I won't send it. I was having a "moment" earlier and back then sending it sounded like a fine idea but now, yep, it sounds pretty bad. RM I will adopt that point of view. If he never says another word to me, I'll never say another word to him. Commence dropping off earth now.
You Go Girl Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Keep writing the letters--as many of them as you need to. Never send any of them. They're therapy for you, and he doesn't deserve them. If he had something to say to YOU--he would have done so long ago.
GrayClouds Posted April 27, 2010 Posted April 27, 2010 Give me a good reason why I shouldnt send this: Because he doesn't care. I think you should keep that letter to yourself, and acknowledge the fact that he isn't right for you for those exact reasons. He has a lot of self-reflection to do, and no matter what you say, he will never realize that unless it's on his own. You can't force someone to take a look at themselves. They need to do it by themselves. The relationship is over. Even though he has told you he wants to be there for you (whatever that might mean to him and you), the both of you are no longer in a romantic relationship. He doesn't owe you anything, and you don't owe him anything. I'd suggest not sending it, and letting it go. Learn what you did wrong in this situation, and try to improve yourself in those aspects. Focus on yourself, and allow the problems of other people to remain just that. Their problems. Not yours. Good advice. I suggest reading it again.
lullaby Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Listen. I've been in that situation and I did sent a letter explaining what I felt after the breakup (this was 15 days ago!) You know what I got? A call 10 days later saying "Thank you for the letter". Well, actually, he sent me a message because I was out when he phoned, but that letter never triggered a thing on him. And you know how awful it feels to show all your feelings and not be welcomed? At least, to receive the answer that you didnt expect. Trust me. The best thing to do is to keep it for yourself. It doesn't mean you will never be together again, it's a matter of time. I'm coping with that right now, and if I think of it, the most miserable moments I passed over the last month, were the ones where I talked or knew something about him. So... Hope it helps! Best,
freckles3131 Posted April 28, 2010 Posted April 28, 2010 Because this shouts "you are affecting me, you are affecting me, YOU ARE AFFECTING ME!!!" One thing my girl said to me is that she realized just how incredibly strong I had become during our silence. She realized I wouldn't reach out to her and she speculated on how I was able to do it. I told her I'd have never said another word to her without her first speaking. I suggest you adopt this POV. Yes! Yes! and Yes! I totally agree! Don't do it.
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