nichole2004 Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Hello all, I new here and coul really use some advice. I have been with my husband for 10 yrs now. We are common law married and the only reason we havent actually tied the knot is because I want pre-martial counceling. He refuses because he says it will hurt his chances in getting back into the military. I am perfectly fine with not getting married, its never really been a big dream of mine. After a year of dating my husband I decided to go back to school. I made a deal with my husband that since I wouldn't be able to help out financially (i only pay $250 in bills a month) I would kepp the house clean. His only jobs would be to cook (i burn everything), to take out the trash, to mow the lawn, and to fix things that broke. Over the years he bought a house, 3 cars, a boat, and an RV. He takes very good care of me financially. This seemed pretty fair in the beginning, but lately Im getting really frusturated. I'm now in the middle of my internship so I work somethines over twelve hours a day. I work on average 60 hours a week with little time to myself. and whats worse it i only get paid for 25 of those hours which is financially killing me. He does work alot to keep up with the life style he created for us (sometimes just as musch as me). But at the beginning of the internship i told him that I might need a little extra help for the next six months because i would never be home. Haha well that was a joke. And on top of all of that our dog that we have had for 8 years has bladder cancer which requires alot of attention. SoMy days are this. I get up make him breakfast, make his lunch, feed the dog (which can take up to 30 minutes) rush to get ready, and race out the door. I havnt had a shower that has lasted longer then ten minutes in three months. I go to my internship for 8 hours usually without a lunch, go straight from there to my server job. Then I go (usually between 8-10 pm) home exhuasted and starving (Havnt ate since 7:30 that morning) and home work starts. I feed the dog again, do what laundry i can after picking up his clothes all over the house, clean the kitchen, rub his back for twenty minutes, and go to bed usually to exhausted to eat. I get up the next day and do it all over again. On the weekends I clean the house, do all of my errands while he sits on the computer and plays games all day. The weekends is the only time for me to even breath and he come out to only ask if i will make him lunch or run an erend for him. Once I finally blew my top and said that i coundnt do it any more. That there was just to much on my plate. His response was that I was being selfish and that my problems are always bigger then any one elses. So am I being selfish. He pay $2000.00 dollars in month in bills and I only pay $250. I know that we made this deal but im really beginning to feel like his maid.
Fouts Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 It's kind of late to be complaining about this Nichole.
Els Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 Instead of blowing your top, why didn't you talk to him nicely about all this? And if that doesn't work - well, your house can do with a little less cleaning, I doubt he'll get on your back about that. And you can tell him gently that you really can't afford the time to fix his breakfast and lunch anymore since you don't even have time to feed yourself til 7.30pm. If he doesn't get that or doesn't care about that, he's the one being selfish.
Major Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Hello all, I new here and coul really use some advice. I have been with my husband for 10 yrs now. We are common law married and the only reason we havent actually tied the knot is because I want pre-martial counceling. He refuses because he says it will hurt his chances in getting back into the military. I am perfectly fine with not getting married, its never really been a big dream of mine. After a year of dating my husband I decided to go back to school. I made a deal with my husband that since I wouldn't be able to help out financially (i only pay $250 in bills a month) I would kepp the house clean. His only jobs would be to cook (i burn everything), to take out the trash, to mow the lawn, and to fix things that broke. Over the years he bought a house, 3 cars, a boat, and an RV. He takes very good care of me financially. This seemed pretty fair in the beginning, but lately Im getting really frusturated. I'm now in the middle of my internship so I work somethines over twelve hours a day. I work on average 60 hours a week with little time to myself. and whats worse it i only get paid for 25 of those hours which is financially killing me. He does work alot to keep up with the life style he created for us (sometimes just as musch as me). But at the beginning of the internship i told him that I might need a little extra help for the next six months because i would never be home. Haha well that was a joke. And on top of all of that our dog that we have had for 8 years has bladder cancer which requires alot of attention. SoMy days are this. I get up make him breakfast, make his lunch, feed the dog (which can take up to 30 minutes) rush to get ready, and race out the door. I havnt had a shower that has lasted longer then ten minutes in three months. I go to my internship for 8 hours usually without a lunch, go straight from there to my server job. Then I go (usually between 8-10 pm) home exhuasted and starving (Havnt ate since 7:30 that morning) and home work starts. I feed the dog again, do what laundry i can after picking up his clothes all over the house, clean the kitchen, rub his back for twenty minutes, and go to bed usually to exhausted to eat. I get up the next day and do it all over again. On the weekends I clean the house, do all of my errands while he sits on the computer and plays games all day. The weekends is the only time for me to even breath and he come out to only ask if i will make him lunch or run an erend for him. Once I finally blew my top and said that i coundnt do it any more. That there was just to much on my plate. His response was that I was being selfish and that my problems are always bigger then any one elses. So am I being selfish. He pay $2000.00 dollars in month in bills and I only pay $250. I know that we made this deal but im really beginning to feel like his maid. Nicole...what do you really want? That's really the question. His attention? A get-a-way? You gave him this deal from the beginning and he is doing it. What is it that you want? Answer that and you will know what to do:)
Spiffy577 Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I think she wants to change the deal. And honestly, I agree. A marriage is a two way street. It started out as one idea. (good for you trying to improve things btw) And she thought it would work out one way. It isn't. The reality is, it is harder than expected. Talk to him and see what he is willing to do. The better question is though, what is more important? The marriage or the internship. It started as one thing but has changed to something else. Is he willing to make changes to help you versus are you willing to drop one of the two (marriage or internship?) Good luck!
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 2,000$ a month in bills. damn, and all you gotta do is clean and keep him fed. Are you wishing for more equality, then if that's the case, You should fork over more money to keep things going. He's not abusing you or hurting you and your still finding something to complain about? WTF? Although i do agree constantly cleaning does take a toll on you, maybe on his downtime he can clean and make food a little. A little compromise never hurt anyone.
FindingE Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 It sounds like your internship combined with the p/t job is too much combined with taking care of a house. The internship was not part of the equation when the deal was first struck correct? If that be the case, a little renegotiating is in order. Really though, is it all that bad? It is just for 6 months right? By your own admission? Anything can be done for 6 months, but yes - he is being somewhat selfish not trying to do a little bit more around the house, and I wholeheartedly agree that he should at least be making meals for himself to help out, and maybe even one for you every once in awhile would be nice. The money shouldn't be the issue, it should be a fair deal for everyone - you love eachother right? Well that should be what matters, happiness and compromise. He seems to be taking you for granted a bit, and perhaps is a bit spoiled at this point. If it makes you feel any better, I work full-time, am trying to finish my finance degree online, take care of my 3 young boys, the house, and the split on the bills is about $500 him and $2000+ me - my husband does help with the kids quite a bit, and will make the occasional meal and take out the trash sometimes. He's good at fixing things - so he does do that kind of stuff. BUT, He is also into the gaming, and it about drives me crazy - the war games like farcry and COD. We didn't make a deal either, things just kinda worked out this way unfortunately.
bayouboi Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Here's how I read the OP: "It's not fair, I have to do all of the work...I have one task to do. Meanwhile he ONLY has to do 50 different tasks and bring in all the money to pay the bills. This just isn't fair, he doesn't deserve down time & he should be helping me with my one task on top of the 50 he's already doing. Wahhhhhh" That about right?
Lecturer Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 The OP hasn't made a post since April - I'm pretty sure this is a dead thread. Major, you might want to watch the date of the threads you reply to .
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