azura Posted April 26, 2010 Posted April 26, 2010 (edited) Sorry this may be long. Been with my fiance for a year and 3 months now. I'm 42 and he's 29 but he always said the age gap didn't bother him. He lives in London and I'm in Essex (UK) but looking to move to be with him. We see each other as often as we can but we talk on the phone every day, up to about ten times. He tells me he loves me every day. Sounds wonderful. But, he doesn't deal with emotion very well...if I'm upset he tells me that he only likes me when I'm happy and not to "bang on" if I'm trying to explain why his behaviour upsets me. If I say something he doesn't like, he sticks his fingers in his ears (I know...mature). He can be unreliable...falling asleep when he's meant to call me because he's drunk. Also, he drinks a lot when he's not at work and can pass out for hours. He took his ex out for a meal last Summer behind my back but says nothing happened...it was just as friends. His mate actually told me and he denied it for ages, before coming clean. He's lied a lot about his drinking before. Anyway...that's the background. Thing is, I haven't heard from him since Friday morning. We had a disagreement but not an argument, as he'd been drinking at 7 in the morning. He has a few days off work and doesn't have to be back in till Wednesday and I didn't want him to be drunk for days. He put the phone down on me as I was nagging and that's it...no word since. I've phoned but he's not answering his home phone and his mobile is switched off. He hasn't replied to any of my e mails. He's done this before for a day but never this long. I'm so gutted. If he doesn't want me any more, he only has to say. I've given him so many chances to get out of our relationship but he always says he wants me. I've mailed him begging for just even a mail back saying he wants out...but nothing. I feel worthless and unlovable. Surely after a year, I deserve some sort of ending? I feel in limbo. I can't eat, sleep and I'm finding each minute more painful than the last. I'm even worrying if something has happened, but being as he's done this before I think it's unlikely. I don't know what to do...I'm such a mess I keep trying his phones but nothing. I really don't understand how someone could treat someone like this. At the basics...it's just lack of manners. I know he's back to work on Wednesday, so think I may have to wait till then to call him...as he has to answer the phone then. Time is just going so slowly. The silly thing is that I wouldn't have made a scene if he'd finished things. We always said we'd stay friends but he always insisted we were forever. I feel really dumb for acting like a complete mess. I know I should have some dignity but it's gone. I realise that I should take closure for myself and think that if he hasn't been in touch now...I should take the hint. But there's still some part of me that wonders if there is a genuine reason. Also, he owes me money but I think I'll just write that off as it's not the reason I want contact. Sorry, for moaning on and on. I'm usually so sorted but this has completely thrown me. My mind is going round in circles and I'm throwing up with nerves. I'm wondering if he is getting cold feet, being as I have been making plans to move up to London and for him to move in with me. He only rents, so wanted to give that up and live in my home but his work is in London, whereas I'm freelance. But, it has been his suggestion I move, as it was his suggestion to get married. No plans have been made for that either yet though. It seems like he has these ideas but doesn't follow through. If I ever want to talk about it, he's either tired or drunk and tells me to lighten up, as he doesn't like deep conversations about the relationship. Maybe something has happened and I'm sitting here moaning about him. Though, I guess if it were something serious, someone would have told me by now. Maybe it's just that "he's just not that into you" scenario. But how can someone switch off like that when the previous evening he was telling me how much he loved me? I don't think I will ever understand people. God, I sound like a miserable cow. I'm usually quite happy. I feel so empty and have lost my best friend, as well as my future. But it's the not knowing whether I'm still with him or not that is the worst. If he had broken up with me, at least I'd be able to move on. Edited April 26, 2010 by azura
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